'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck' author Mark Manson on the power of directness

He's been on a journey

The straight-talking author opens up to Body+Soul about his transformational health journey and the value in being direct – especially with yourself.

Your bestselling book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, debuted eight years ago, but the world is a very different place now. Would you approach the messaging the same way given the current context?

I think I would. Looking back, I feel like my book was one of the first that alerted people about social media and technology – how it can drain you, potentially affect your mental health and make you more anxious when you compare yourself to all these other people. Back in 2015, that was a pretty new idea, and I didn’t give that idea a ton of real estate in the book. As the years have gone on, that has turned out to be much more significant than I would’ve imagined at the time.

You’re well known for your direct methods of communication, but you still manage to be respectful when dealing with sensitive topics. How do you achieve this balance?

I try to communicate the way that I would like to hear things. I find there’s a lot of power and emotional impact in directness. To me, it helps deliver the message more effectively if you’re able to condense it and compress it into as small of a sentence or as few words as possible. It just seems to penetrate much better. I also try to stick to topics that I’m very confident in, and if there’s a chance I might be wrong, I try to at least let the listener or the reader or the viewer know that before I say it.

You’re well known for your direct methods of communication, but you still manage to be respectful when dealing with sensitive topics. How do you achieve this balance?

I try to communicate the way that I would like to hear things. I find there’s a lot of power and emotional impact in directness. To me, it helps deliver the message more effectively if you’re able to condense it and compress it into as small of a sentence or as few words as possible. It just seems to penetrate much better. I also try to stick to topics that I’m very confident in, and if there’s a chance I might be wrong, I try to at least let the listener or the reader or the viewer know that before I say it.

You’ve recently lost 30 kilograms, reclaiming your health in the process. What was the impetus for this monumental lifestyle change?

The average person is overweight, in debt, lonely, depressed and hates their job. The median person is all those things. So, why would you ever try to be normal? I had a lot of very unhealthy lifestyle habits going on, and by my late 30s they were really catching up to me. I was obese. I was drinking too much. I wasn’t sleeping well. I was travelling all the time. I was burning the candle at both ends.

I was sitting at my desk at midnight one night putting in a 12-hour session when I started getting chest pains, and it really scared me because I was only 38. I went to the cardiologist, and he said, “The trajectory you’re on is not a good one. Your 40s aren’t going to go well unless you change something.” That was the wake-up call. It kicked off what eventually became a five-year health journey.

What does your daily health and wellness routine look like now?

It’s very dull and unexciting, which is what I’ve discovered works and why most people aren’t able to do it. I was a dumbass and thought, “If I just run a couple of times a week and skip dessert every once in a while, I’ll be fine.” But then I plateaued. It took me probably two to three years to get the diet under control.

Nowadays, breakfast is a big protein shake with a bunch of fresh fruit, veggies and protein powder. Lunch is usually a salad, and then most nights my wife cooks. I’d say two or three meals a week are free meals that I don’t worry about. There’s a history of heart [issues] in my family, so I try to keep my cardio up by working out at least three times a week. I also picked up surfing, and that’s helped a lot.

Having learnt so much recently in the health space, would you consider writing a no-BS wellness book?

I've thought about it. I think we can all agree that the health and fitness space does not need another influencer talking about their weight loss. What's under-broadcast, is the mental and psychological struggle. Dealing with lying to yourself about your own behaviours, understanding emotional triggers around certain foods and alcohol. I never came across somebody who addresses it intelligently. Maybe I'll be that guy who talks about the psychology of weight loss. But then I think the last thing I want to do is be in that market. That's even worse than the self-help market.

Mark Manson is touring Australia in November; tickets are available here. 

Originally published as 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck' author Mark Manson on the power of directness