The latest wedding trend having a positive impact
From glamorous gowns to idyllic venues, the modern wedding doesn’t come cheap. But a growing number of couples are using their wedding day as a creative way to give back.
Lifestyle
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Getting hitched in Australia doesn’t come cheap — particularly if you stick to a traditional wedding day.
Average wedding costs have now topped $36,000, recent ASIC’s MoneySmart figures show. Couples can expect to splurge about $18,683 on food, alcohol and a venue, more than $4000 on wedding outfits and accessories, and almost $4000 on photography. Flowers and decorations cost many couples close to $3000, as does entertainment for guests.
Unusual touches stretch the budget even further if couples choose to splash out on helicopters, pink Cadillacs or bagpipe players to create a day to remember.
And about 60 per cent of duos admit to taking out a loan to pay for their nuptials.
But a growing number of couples are turning their back on wedding day excess. Instead, they’re using the event to give to charities, raise awareness of causes close to their heart, and to preserve their local environment by organising an eco-friendly celebration.
In the UK, the Prezola website lets wedding guests buy a social gift for a happy couple — the gifts costs nothing, with guests promising to do something positive instead.
Couples can nominate guests to volunteer at a favourite charity, help them with their home renovation, pet sit while they go on honeymoon or donate blood.
Sandra Henri is an Aussie wedding photographer and founder of Less Stuff More Meaning, which she describes as a hub for eco and ethical weddings.
“There is so much waste at weddings — the flowers and table decorations, the food, and the clothes that are often never worn again,” Henri says.
“There are a lot of environmental impacts in that one day, too. Flowers are often imported and grown under questionable labour conditions and are imported and wrapped in plastic, so flower miles alone can be huge.
“I see more couples wanting to reduce their wedding footprint and they’re looking at how they can give back. Some will make a donation instead of giving guests a wedding favour, or they ask guests to donate to a charity rather than buy a gift they don’t really need.
“More couples are saying no to wedding traditions that mean nothing to them. Instead they’re discussing their values and they start married life with a wedding that reflects the values they share. It becomes a heartfelt event, rather than a wedding that just ticks the traditional boxes.”
When Fab Nigro, 30, and Matt Di Domenica, 32, married in February, the Fawkner couple didn’t want to burden their 200 wedding guests with another wedding favour or bomboniere that would gather dust on a shelf.
Instead, the couple made a financial donation to Minus18, a charity that supports LGBTIQ youth across Australia. The charity provided rainbow ribbons for the couple to give to each guest.
“We had a modern twist on the traditional Italian wedding,” says Di Domenica, who proposed to his partner last year in Italy.
“It was less formal and Fab and I both felt that, on that day, we wanted to give back to the community. We bought a ribbon for every guest and let them know we’d made a donation to Minus18 on their behalf.”
The couple, both teachers, met online in 2011 and both shared the view that while a wedding was a time to celebrate, sharing the goodwill around was also important.
The idea of donating instead of buying wedding favours was sparked by a wedding the couple attended together last year.
“My best friend got married last year and their wedding favour was a donation to the Cancer Council that came with a thankyou card and a pin. We thought that was a great idea and through our work as teachers, Matt and I were both aware of the work that Minus18 does with young people,” Nigro says.
“People often take away wedding favours and put them in the bin and we wanted to use that money in a more worthwhile way. LGBTIQ young people can sometimes go through many struggles, and years ago there wasn’t the support out there that there is now to help them. And the rainbow ribbons raised awareness that we were two gay guys getting married. But that hadn’t been an option that was always available to us.”
Dr Mandy Deeks, counselling psychologist at the Health Information Company in Melbourne, believes while some couples see their wedding day as a time to spare no expense and to create Instagram-worthy moments, others are looking at how they can spread the good vibes.
“For some couples, it’s about creating a deeper meaning on the day,” Deeks says.
“They want everyone to feel good about contributing to something that will make a difference. If the couple decide to swap their wedding gift list to arrange for donations to be made to charity instead, they feel good and so do their guests.
“People are getting married at a later age now and may have lived together for some time before they marry, so they have everything they need in their home. And if they feel passionate about something, their wedding day is an ideal time to share that as a couple. It gives their wedding a deeper purpose and puts the focus on the actual wedding and the couple, not on the gifts and glitz.”
When Chris Holder proposed to Laura Murrihy, he did it with a gum tree. And when the couple, both 33 from Colac, decided it was time to marry in April last year, they similarly did away with the “fluff”.
Instead of bling and extravagance, they decided the day should be a simple celebration of their love and the life they had created with family and friends.
“When Chris proposed with a gum tree instead of a diamond, it was super cute and quirky,” Murrihy says.
“Since planting it, watering it and watching it grow and change over the past 18 months, I’ve felt very connected to it and the metaphor it represents for relationships. If you nourish and care they thrive and if you neglect them, they die.
“We wanted our wedding day to be about the love story and the things that mattered to us — like friends, family and nature. We wanted to strip away the fluffy stuff and keep it low key.”
The newlyweds were also keen to involve family — including son Amos — and friends who shared their love of simplicity and giving back whenever possible.
Their celebrant donated five per cent of her fee to Melbourne not-for-profit organisation SisterWorks that helps women migrants, asylum seekers and refugees. The wedding photographer gave five per cent of her fee to the Asylum Seeker Resource Centre.
And the couple’s wedding in the Otway Ranges was held at Bespoke Harvest (now Forrest Guesthouse), a venue that uses local and sustainably grown produce and alcohol sourced from local wineries and breweries.
The couple kept waste to a minimum throughout the day, too. They decorated the venue with natural foliage and native flowers and Murrihy wore her late mother’s wedding dress for the first part of the ceremony.
“Wearing Mum’s dress was symbolic of her being there and walking with me down the aisle,” she says. “After the ceremony, I took that off and wore a dress I’d bought second hand on Gumtree. Chris bought his shoes in an op shop and had a custom-made jacket that he’s since worn to about four other weddings.
“It was a day that brought people together and I had a smile on my face from start to finish. We created something that was really us.”
When Jake and Jess Munday, both 30, married in Geelong last year, they suggested their guests donate to a locally based charity, Offspring, instead of buying them a wedding gift. Offspring helps young women rescued from sex trafficking by providing vocational training, education and emotional support.
The small business owners also made sure they gave back to their community by supporting new start-up businesses in the local area. Their wedding venue was a converted warehouse in a co-working precinct where their neon-sign business is based. They held their reception at a barn — another venture started by a local couple.
“Our florist was just starting out, too, and our wedding helped kickstart her business and we also used a small local caterer who created share platters of salmon, roast chicken, lamb and beautiful sides and duck-fat roasted potatoes,” Jess says.
“My make-up artist and hairdresser were also new local businesses and the accommodation where we stayed on our wedding night was a new Airbnb. From the start, Jake and I wanted to keep things local and to somehow give back to the local business community that we’re part of.”
The couple met in 2016 and nine months later were engaged, with son Jagger born a few months before their wedding.
“Jake and I were both aware that during the wedding planning process it’s easy to get caught up in material things. Neither of us wanted that to happen,” Jess says.
“Our wedding was a day to celebrate our love and our commitment for life,” Jess says.
“And a part of who we are, and the way Jake and I live our life, is to give back when we have something, and we wanted to stay true to that on our wedding day.”
CELEBRITY WEDDINGS THAT GAVE BACK
■ When Catherine Middleton married Prince William in 2011, they set up a charitable gift fund, with guests donating to the fund rather than buying the royal couple designer toasters and espresso machines. About $2 million was raised and was shared among charities chosen by the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.
■ When Modern Family star Sofia Vergara wed Joe Manganiello in 2015 in Florida, they asked their 400 guests to make donations to their favourite charities in lieu of gifts. One of the recipients was a children’s cancer hospital.
■ Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban used media interest in their 2006 wedding to fundraise for Sydney Children’s Hospital. They published one free wedding photo, showing the couple enjoying their first dance as husband and wife, and asked media outlets that used the photo to make a payment to the hospital.
■ When Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman sent out invitations to their 2005 nuptials, the couple added a note to the invites: “While we celebrate the richness of life and all the circumstances that have blessed us in career and love, we are mindful of those who are suffering greatly as a result of hurricanes Katrina and Rita. The best gift you could give us is a donation to any of the organisations helping the stricken citizens of New Orleans.”
■ When Meghan Markle married Prince Harry last year, she was intent on an eco-friendly wedding. The floral displays at the chapel in Windsor were made with locally grown flowers and without the use of floral foam. The flowers were donated after the event, too. The reception dinner featured seasonal and local produce and instead of a wedding gift registry, the newlyweds chose seven charities and asked guests to donate to them.
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