Steph Claire Smith opens up about the pressure to have a second child

A side of motherhood no one talks about

According to soon-to-be mother of two Stephanie Miller, there’s one aspect of parenthood rarely spoken about – the pressure placed on parents to continue adding to their families after the birth of their first child. 

Over the weekend, Kic co-founder and influencer Steph Miller and husband Josh announced they are expecting their second child, a younger sibling to their three-year-old son, Harvey. In the touching Instagram post, Miller’s growing belly is pictured with the family’s hands (and a paw from cavoodle Ari) placed on top. 

Miller, who has shared her life publicly for the past decade, took to her podcast to discuss the exciting news with her followers. 

Chatting to cohost and bestie Laura Henshaw, Miller opens up about her first trimester cravings, what it was like to share the news with her young son, and why she and her husband’s decision to expand their family took a surprising amount of thoughtful consideration. 

Calling out the pressure for baby #2 

The exciting family news comes amidst one of Miller’s busiest years – both professionally and personally. 

In addition to the continued success and growth of Kic and her two podcasts, Miller was also recently included in Forbes Magazine’s prestigious 30 under 30 list. Less than a month ago, Miller also opened up online about her recent ADHD diagnosis, sharing the emotional journey with her followers. 

Usually one to speak openly and honestly about everything going on in her life, Miller admits concealing her early pregnancy for the last 12 weeks has been particularly challenging, “I've been dying to talk about this because it's been like over three months,” she says on the most recent podcast episode. “We're just so, so over the moon.”

But speaking to Henshaw, Miller explains the decision to start trying for a second baby was one that only came about in the last year. 

“I know I've spoken before about it on here – about that question that you get asked as soon as you've had one kid, like, ‘When you're going to have another one?’ And I just want to remind everyone that it is such a delicate question you've got to be careful of because it's not everyone's choice,” she says. 

“At the end of the day, that choice can be taken from [parents] with fertility, etc., But it's also like even if it is your choice and it's something that you're trying to work through, it's a really hard decision and it's a really big decision. [00:10:37][38.5]

Despite sharing that she and her husband Josh had always envisioned having more than one child, Miller explains that after the birth of now three-and-a-half-year-old Harvey, she immediately put herself back on birth control, sharing that they didn’t know when they’d feel ready to explore the idea of expanding their family again. 

“Then there was even a period where probably just over a year ago, particularly with Josh, because we were going through like some stuff with Harvey that was really challenging, he was almost like, ‘I don't know if I can have another’,” she adds.

In addition to a challenging period with their toddler, Miller shares she also felt slightly apprehensive about a second baby, concerned that the family dynamic would shift, “You do question when you're going for that second, like, ‘Is it going to change everything?’,” she says. “I think you know that you're probably going to love them just as much, but you’re kind of like, ‘How can I possibly do that?’”

Inside Steph’s first trimester

Now surpassing her first trimester with baby #2, Miller is feeling grateful for her ability to carry another child without any debilitating symptoms. 

Comparing the experience with her first pregnancy during Melbourne’s intense lockdown, Miller says her energy levels this time around have been noticeably lower – a feeling most second-time parents chasing a toddler around might be familiar with. 

Since her pregnancy has been relatively smooth so far, Miller says her focus has been making sure her son Harvey is happy and excited about his upcoming role as big brother. As for whether or not she will be finding out the new baby’s gender before birth, Miller says her family is opting for a surprise. 

“First time around we did find out with Harvey and I think that was just because going into it the first time, there's so much you don't know as a first-time parent and mum,” she recalls.  “And so thinking that this might be the last time that I go through this, we were like, ‘Well, this is quite a special surprise, when do you get a surprise like that in life any more?’”

Regardless of whether the new baby is a little sister or brother for Harvey, Miller says she’s grateful to be able to finally share the happy news with everyone, “I'm such an open book – I think having something going on and not being able to talk about it, not just like publicly, but like just to anyone is really hard for me.”

Originally published as Steph Claire Smith opens up about the pressure to have a second child