‘Thought I’d let down so many people . . . and that just killed me. I was not in a good place’

Top jockey Jamie Kah has opened up on the toll of last year’s Airbnb and relationship scandal, revealing she nearly walked away from racing.

In a profession where less than one-third of its top riders are women, Australian jockey Jamie Kah epitomised both grit and glamour when she notched 105 wins during the 2020-21 season. But then came a suspension from racing – and frenzied speculation about her romantic life. Now, as Kah tells Stellar in an exclusive interview, she just wants to return her steely focus to the track. “I’ve got a lot of support,” she notes, “and that’s something I’ll never take for granted again”

When Jamie Kah attended the June races this year at England’s Royal Ascot racecourse, she wore a floral dress instead of her usual racing silks, and a pearl headpiece instead of her hat and goggles.

She also sipped champagne freely rather than limiting her food and drink consumption, the solemn ritual she follows in order to make her race weight.

One of Australia’s most recognised jockeys, Kah – who in 2021 became the first person, male or female, to win 100 metropolitan races in a calendar year – was simply in the stands, able to enjoy a day at the track like most 26-year-olds.

“I had this short, brief window where I could get away before getting ready for the Spring Carnival.

“It was amazing just to get to some warm weather, have nothing to do with racing, and just relax,” Kah explains to Stellar, her feet now firmly back on the rain-trodden soil of her home in Victoria’s Mornington Peninsula, south of Melbourne.

But why is a jockey, trying to take a break from work, hanging with the punters at the Royal Ascot? “A horse-free day – that’s actually a bad day for me,” Kah says.

“I would be lost without horses.” And she means it. At her farm, which played host to Stellar’s cover shoot, Kah retrains retired racehorses. She has about 30 of them on the property right now, some show jumpers and some thoroughbreds.

In a normal week, after getting up at 3am to trial horses, she returns to the stables only to ride some more.

Jamie Kah is pictured at her farm in Victoria’s Mornington Peninsula. Picture: Daniel Nadel for Stellar.

Her parents, John and Karen – who represented Australia as Winter Olympians in short-track speed skating – have moved from their home in Adelaide to be with Kah in order to help her run her horse haven, a place that a young Kah, who joined her first Pony Club when she was two years old, had always dreamt about.

Devoted to horses growing up in South Australia, Kah started her equestrian career working for pocket money in racing stables before becoming an apprentice jockey at the age of 14.

One of her favourite horses, Brax, even followed her from the Adelaide Hills to Melbourne.

“A couple of weeks ago, I came back from the races and I just had a sh**ty day,” she reveals. “But all I wanted to do was to go horseriding. So I rode Brax around the arena and then I was happy again.

“I just love how horses make you feel. They’re so caring. They don’t want to hurt you. They’re out there to please you.

“Working with them when I was younger, you can train them in so many different ways and do so many different things. They’re just so versatile. But when you earn their trust, it’s an amazing connection.”

Those bonds sustained Kah through a difficult 2021. In late August last year, in the middle of an intense Victorian lockdown, Kah was found to have hosted a rogue gathering at an Airbnb rental, breaching the state’s strict Covid rules.

Kah was suspended from her sport for three months and, as the poster girl for racing, her face was splashed across every major news outlet around the country.

In her first mainstream media interview since the suspension was lifted at the end of November 2021, Kah tells Stellar, “It was the worst time of my life, easily. I’ve worked so hard to make this image of myself.

“I just wanted to be the best. I wanted to please everyone. And I didn’t want people to hate me. I used to get really upset with people not liking me. And when that happened, I thought I’d let down so many people in the world, and that just killed me. I was not in a good place for a while.”

To make matters worse, many of Kah’s designated mounts for that Spring Carnival season went on to win with other jockeys.

“It was kicking me when I was down,” she says, adding that it made her want to quit the sport. “I just didn’t want to be in the industry. I didn’t want to be there.”

Jamie Kah: “[Horses] were the only things that kept me going” Picture: Daniel Nadel for Stellar.

Jamie Kah: “These horses are treated like kings” Picture: Daniel Nadel for Stellar.

Being around her beloved horses, however, pulled her back.

“They were the only things that kept me going,” she says of that time.

And when the suspension lifted and she could finally start racing again, she rediscovered her passion.

“I had so much support from owners and trainers, which I thought I didn’t have. When I started getting back-to-back [victories] in the winner’s circle, that dragged me out of it. Now I’m just really appreciative of where I am.

“I’ve got a lot of support and that’s something that I’ll never take for granted again.”

Accepting her penalties and returning to racing has changed Kah, she says, for the better. “I don’t care what people say about me anymore,” she tells Stellar.

“I think that’s the one thing I’ve taken from that time.

“I used to get so upset about what I’d read about me, but now I know I can’t please everyone. I just thought I needed to have the perfect life, perfect job, perfect everything. But people make mistakes.

“It’s a relief that it doesn’t affect me anymore. I think that’s one thing I’ve really worked out – I just need to be happy and I need to focus on doing what I love doing, which is riding.”

The experience also made Kah more guarded about sharing details of her private life.

However, photos of her with fellow jockey Ben Melham (who was also at the rogue Airbnb party) during her recent European holiday set tongues wagging, especially since she was reportedly engaged to jockey Clayton Douglas.

“To see the reaction from just one photo, I just couldn’t get my head around it,” Kah says.

“Keeping things personal had backfired because people were making all sorts of assumptions. I’ve learnt I’ve got to strike a balance between being in the public eye and keeping things private.”

In any case, Kah confirms to Stellar that she’s in a relationship with Melham, 34.

“We’ve tried to protect a lot of people – there were lots of things sorting themselves out. But yes, I’m very happy now,” she says.

“It was stressful for the first week in Europe when the public found out. But it’s been a big relief now and it’s just like I can finally, for the first time, just breathe and just be myself. That’s a pretty good feeling.”

Jamie Kah is preparing to return to the Melbourne Cup this November. Picture: Daniel Nadel for Stellar.

She’s also feeling physically lighter – a huge deal in a sport where the number on the scale can define your career. As part of her job requirement, she used to monitor her weight every day.

“You miss out on a lot of opportunities riding [if you weigh above] 54kg,” she explains.

“On race days, you wouldn’t eat or drink. You get through because of adrenalin, but it was not fun. You didn’t want to be there. You didn’t want to talk to people.”

But after losing weight during her suspension, largely due to the stress of not racing, she has now reached a healthy balance that enables her to meet her riding weight without the deprivation of the past.

“It’s just the little things, like I can eat breakfast before a race meet or drink [more] water,” she says. “I couldn’t do that before. It’s what a lot of jockeys have to go through and it’s very challenging.”

Over the past five years, 75 per cent of students who have joined Racing Victoria’s apprentice jockey training program have been women, highlighting how much the next generation have been inspired by the likes of Kah and fellow star jockey Michelle Payne.

Recalling the moment Payne made history in 2015 to become the first female rider to win the Melbourne Cup, Kah says: “We were all screaming. It was very special.

“I think it’s amazing that there are so many female jockeys,” she adds modestly, “but I just like us all being called jockeys.”

Kah’s passion for her equine friends led her to take part in Here For The Horses, a documentary produced in partnership with Racing Victoria and Screen Australia that details how the industry treats horses from birth to retirement.

“I just wish the people who scrutinise the sport had a bit more of an open mind to listen to how much we care about them,” she explains.

“These horses are treated like kings. They get fed and looked after better than the jockeys do.

“There are so many good people in the industry who care for these horses, especially when they retire. I mean, I keep collecting them... But I make them happy and they make me happy.”

Coming into the 2022 Victorian Spring Racing Carnival, Kah has big ambitions.

While the Melbourne Cup may be the race that stops the nation, the Cox Plate is the coveted prize in racing circles, and Kah wants to be the first woman to win it (though she’d like to win a Melbourne Cup, too).

Jamie Kah stars on the cover of this Sunday’s Stellar. Picture: Daniel Nadel for Stellar.

Her first Melbourne Cup saw her finish third on Prince of Arran during lockdown 2020.

“That was obviously an amazing thing to do, but there were no crowds there,” she says.

“I remember watching the Melbourne Cup growing up and seeing the crowds cheering, so it feels like we’re going to get back to how it used to be this year.

“I missed out on a lot last year, but I’m hoping this will be my spring. I’ve been on a lot of good horses the past few weeks and there’s a lot of excitement.”

She smiles before adding, “I need to make up for lost time.”

Here For The Horses airs at 10pm on Thursday on the Seven Network and 7plus.

Originally published as ‘Thought I’d let down so many people . . . and that just killed me. I was not in a good place’