Stuart Diver: ‘Tragedy stays with you forever’

NEARLY 21 years after the Thredbo landslide disaster, sole survivor Stuart Diver opens up about losing not just one wife, but two.

Stuart Diver: “I hope people see me as someone who has been through a couple of big tragedies now, and yet I can still get on with life and live it to the fullest.”

NEARLY 21 years after the Thredbo landslide disaster, sole survivor STUART DIVER, 48, is still approached by people who recognise him. He opens up about losing not just one wife, but two.

After all this time, you would think I wouldn’t be that recognisable anymore. But I know the coverage on the Thredbo disaster [the 1997 landslide in which 18 people died, including Diver’s wife, Sally] was intense, especially for those first three days, and then the months afterwards. I guess there’s an emotional connection to my face and that story for many Australians. That’s why they approach me to say hello, and to talk to me. I like that they do — I hope people see me as someone who has been through a couple of big tragedies now, and yet I can still get on with life and live it to the fullest.

Diver with daughter Alessia.

When you go through a tragedy, it’s always with you and it’ll stay with you forever — that’s the key thing you have to remember. You have a choice: you either deal with it or you don’t. Mental health is so important — I’ve had the same psychologist for the past 21 years. I don’t rely on him heavily, and there might be periods of up to five years when I don’t speak to him at all. But we’ve done an enormous amount of work to make sure that if there are negative thoughts that come up, I’ve got the right tools to be able to handle it.

Overwhelmingly, my life is hugely positive. I know some people may find that strange, as both my wives have died [Diver’s second wife Rosanna, and mother to his daughter Alessia, passed away from breast cancer in 2015], but it’s true. Both Sally and Rosanna added such an enormous amount to my life that it would be sad for me not to live as positively as I can in their memory.

Stuart Diver features in Stellar magazine.

My daughter Alessia calls me both her mum and her dad. She’s seven now, but she lost her mum when she was four and a half, so I spend a lot of time making sure that Rosanna never gets forgotten. Forgetting is the worst thing ever for children who lose their parents. Each year, on the anniversary of Rosanna’s death, Alessia and I go to our favourite spot in Thredbo and spread some of her ashes in the creek. Every time we throw a handful of ashes, we say what our favourite memory of Rosanna is. The ashes flow into the creek, which flows into the river, which flows into the lake, which flows into the ocean. So Alessia knows her mum’s love is getting spread all over the world.

Stuart Diver is an ambassador for Breast Cancer Network Australia. He will speak at the 2018 Pink Lady Luncheon on May 1 in Sydney and May 23 in Brisbane; bcna.org.au.

How to cope with grief and trauma

1. Reach out for some support — arrange to speak to a counsellor, a psychologist or some other mental-health professionals who can help.

2. Surround yourself with people who lift you up and inspire you. Let go of those who are negative.

3. It’s a cliché, but live every day in the most positive way you can. Make the most of your days.

Originally published as Stuart Diver: ‘Tragedy stays with you forever’