Lindy Klim reveals she was ‘humiliated’ by divorce
LINDY Klim opens up about the pain she felt when she learnt her Olympic champion husband Michael was seeing another woman.
Stellar
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LINDY Klim is, somewhat surprisingly, upbeat. For the model, entrepreneur and mother of three it’s a combination of feeling defiant and happy as she embraces her new family dynamic after announcing the end of her marriage with Michael Klim in February. While she says the end of that relationship “blindsided” her, in less than a year she’s found love again, is newly engaged and looking forward to the future.
She is at home in Bali, surrounded by her children – Stella, 10, Rocco, eight, and Frankie, five – as she talks to Stellar. The family has enjoyed a week of school-holiday time together, and Lindy says the kids are at an age where they’re starting to spread their wings. It can make life a little hectic, but she’s clearly enjoying this phase of their childhood.
“They’re just on the go. With after-school activities, they’re spread across the island some days, so I’m just trying to work out where they are at all times.
“Stella surfs a lot, so she just takes herself down to the beach with her friends – she’s only 10, so that’s always quite scary, but I’ve got a lot of the local guys that keep an eye out for them.
“Rocco does tennis, swimming and art; they all have their own groups of friends, so they just make their own plans now and off they go,” she says with a laugh, and adds that she sometimes feels a bit left behind by their blossoming social lives.
While Lindy is full of laughter and is celebrating her recent engagement to fellow Bali resident British property developer Adam Ellis, this time last year it was a different story. “I felt really hurt and humiliated and not sure what to say,” she says.
It was towards the end of 2015 that Lindy realised her marriage with Olympic champion Michael was over. “It has been a really tough time. At that point everything broke down for me, in a personal sense,” she says.
“I haven’t really spoken about it publicly, I think mostly out of concern for my children, and it was also a really difficult time for me to talk about.”
Michael, however, has given several interviews about the demise of their marriage in the past year; until now, Lindy has avoided the spotlight in a bid to give herself time to recover from their split.
“I just concentrated on the kids, and I do feel that me focusing on just healing was more important than going on a PR campaign. He’s been out there in the media from day one. It’s been very difficult for me to hold my tongue, because I don’t have a level head most of the time,” she says.
The way I found out about it – through social media – was quite hurtful... I felt very let down
While Lindy admits their marriage had been in difficulty for some time, she says the revelation that Michael was seeing someone else (she says she became aware of Michael’s romantic relationship with new partner, fashion designer Desiree Deravi in mid-2015) came as a shock, triggering the final crisis of their time together.
“The way I found out about it – through social media – was quite hurtful. Obviously we’d been struggling for a while, but I thought we were keeping a hold on it and trying really hard to work it out.
“I felt very let-down; that was probably the humiliation of finding out about things in a magazine. I didn’t know that was going on, which was really hurtful.”
Lindy says it took her some months to face up to the prospect of divorce. “I felt like I’d failed in a way, as being a wife. I was feeling a bit like, ‘Oh my God, I couldn’t keep all this together. What’s wrong with me?’”
In the end, it was a decision forced by making her emotional wellbeing a priority and a desire to protect their children from media speculation about their parents’ marriage. She finally spoke with lawyers to make her separation from Michael official in early December last year.
“I was just so appalled by the whole thing. I thought if I just kept trying it would be OK, and in the end, I just had this decision [to make],” she says.
By then Lindy and Michael had been married for almost a decade, after famously meeting on a catwalk in 2004 when Lindy sashayed down the runway in a bridal dress, accompanied by Michael. It seemed like a fairytale: a model and Balinese princess with one of Australia’s most celebrated athletes. Two years later, their first daughter was born and they tied the knot. The former couple also went into business together, creating skincare brand Milk & Co, which launched in 2008.
Lindy says this combination of a marriage and family business made ending her relationship with Michael very complicated. It also led to the pair delaying an announcement about the split for several months, until February 2016. “It was really tough, and we had Milk & Co, which is a family business built on a family’s name. It’s a family brand, and I really, really wanted us to try to hold it together, but it just didn’t seem to,” she says.
“I’ve got two girls and it’s really important for me to show them how to be treated. Also, I live in Indonesia, where there are no choices for women; a lot of my friends, staff or family, they don’t have the choice to leave. I had to look at that and then look at my situation and think, ‘I don’t have to stay. It’s going to be one of the toughest things I’ll ever have to do, but at the same time I’ve got that choice and I’m not going to stick around and be treated this way.’ So that was my final decision. It took a while to get there but I got there.”
Divorce is a revolting, horrible thing, but nobody really understands until they’re going through it
While she’s proud of the role she played in building the business, she is uncertain what her role at Milk & Co will be in the future. “I was in the creative team; contracts and admin were never my forte. I really wish I had paid more attention to the finer business details, it would [have made it] much easier for me now,” she says.
“It is such a great business and I feel like the sky’s the limit, but whether it’s something that I can be a part of, we’re still discussing that at the moment. For legal reasons it’s difficult for me to answer.”
The Balinese-Australian, whose own parents split when she was a child, says she never expected to dissolve her marriage, but feels there was no other way forward for her. “Divorce is a revolting, horrible thing, but nobody really understands until they’re going through it. It’s one of those things you didn’t think would ever happen, even when you’re struggling, but I was blindsided by this whole thing.”
After accepting her marriage was over, Lindy despaired at the thought of ever finding love again. “I was so terrified and my self-esteem was really low, and I was just really sad. I would often think, ‘Will there ever be any kind of romantic future for me at all?’ Three children is a lot to take on and a big responsibility.”
Luckily, Lindy’s social circle had other ideas. “I was obviously going through a lot of personal pain. All my closest friends knew about it, so Christmas time last year, I was at the kids’ carols for their school on my own, feeling really depressed,” she recalls.
My self-esteem was really low, and I was just really sad. I would often think, will there ever be any kind of romantic future for me at all
A friend started talking to her about dating; she baulked at the idea (“I’ve only ever had two 10-year relationships; I don’t even know how to date”), but he persisted and set her up with Ellis, whom she knew socially through the expat community in Bali. They went on a date before Christmas, and then jetted off on their respective Christmas holidays.
“He went to England for a month and I was in Australia for a month. We talked every single day and then that was it. We came back in January and we haven’t left each other’s side since.”
Lindy says Ellis’s willingness to embrace the chaos of family life was crucial to the development of their relationship. It also helped that the children knew him through the expat community, too, and called him “Uncle Burger”, his Bali nickname.
“We were just hanging out more and then Stella said to me one day, ‘Mum, why don’t you guys just go out together? You’re just perfect for one another,’” she says, adding that Ellis then sat down with Stella, Rocco and Frankie and asked if it was OK for him to date their mother.
“It was really nice, and they’ve taken him on. It could have gone terribly wrong; Stella is exactly my personality and she’s quite a difficult one to negotiate with sometimes, but because he’s so amazing with the children we’ve not had one single glitch.”
While life with a blended family is complicated, Lindy says working out the details of the divorce and co-parenting with Michael is still “a work in progress”.
Michael has spoken publicly about their strategy of “bird’s nest” parenting, where children remain in the family home while parents alternate custody, but Lindy was uncomfortable with the idea of sharing her house with Michael and his partner Deravi, and pushed for everyone to have separate residences.
“Right from the beginning of our separation, we had the issue of a new partner being involved, which was really, really painful for me. It was heart-wrenching.
“The kids are the priority and my greatest love, so it definitely has been challenging, but I’ve just had to do the best I can. Bali is such a great safe haven for them –we don’t watch TV – and I’ve just tried to cocoon them as much as possible. Ultimately, I know that Michael and I are good parents and we’ll make it work for the kids’ sake.”
However, Lindy says she often leaves Bali when her ex arrives, as she finds the prospect of bumping into him too painful. “When Michael has the kids, I prefer not to be on the island. So Adam often takes me away, if I’m not back in Australia for work.”
Ultimately, I know that Michael and I are good parents and we’ll make it work for the kids’ sake
It was on their most recent sojourn, to Morocco, that Ellis proposed. Lindy says it was very romantic, but completely unexpected. “He made me climb this desert mountain in my Birkenstocks first thing in the morning. I was complaining the whole way, but when we got to the top he asked me to marry him.”
Finding love again has helped Lindy put the past hurt behind her, and focus on the future. “I feel so happy and content at the moment. Even with my resentment towards Michael and his partner, I just don’t really think about it anymore. They do their own things and I concentrate on Adam, the kids and I. I’m definitely in a better place than I have been in a very long time.”
And, eventually, she’ll get around to planning her wedding to Ellis. “I’m just enjoying being engaged. Stella’s constantly asking about what she can wear and planning, and I’m just like, ‘Whoa – we could get married in a year’s time, two years’ time, but let’s just enjoy being engaged and being a happy little family.’
“I’ve got a lot of amazing projects and a lot of new things happening – a whole new Lindy, so to speak. I’m hoping it’s going to be a fantastic year.”
Originally published as Lindy Klim reveals she was ‘humiliated’ by divorce
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