Johnathan Thurston: ‘I’m not afraid of showing my emotions’

Former NRL star Jonathan Thurston has opened up about the sudden death of his mentor and coach, Paul Green, and revealed his message to men about mental health.

He was one of the most decorated stars of the NRL, known for his successes and controversies on and off the field. Now, in a powerful and honest interview with Stellar, Johnathan Thurston reveals how he faced down past demons, stresses the importance of men speaking up about their mental health and discusses the shock death of his former coach and close friend Paul Green.

Each year, when the NRL Grand Final rolls around, television clip packages and newspaper stories reminisce about the great games of the past.

When you’ve played in a few finals and also won what has been described as one of the greatest matches in rugby league sports history – the 2015 final that saw the North Queensland Cowboys defeat the Brisbane Broncos in extra time – it is a surety that images from that game are going to surface.

Normally, that’s a good thing. Great, even. But for former Cowboys captain Johnathan Thurston, memories of that night are bittersweet after his friend, mentor and former coach Paul “Greeny” Green took his own life on August 11.

“The grand final is going to be tough,” reveals Thurston, now a commentator for the Nine Network who plans to remain involved with this year’s coverage. “[Green] is the only coach who brought the premiership to North Queensland.

“It’s such an emotional time, because I think of the incredible things we achieved together and the time we had. But there’s this sadness about it as well because he’s never going to be able to hear and enjoy these moments anymore.”

Johnathan Thurston: ‘The grand final is going to be tough’ Picture: Simon Upton for Stellar.

The former Queensland State of Origin player was travelling to Sydney for his TV duties when he heard about Green’s death, and immediately returned home to Townsville.

The pain of Green’s passing reverberates through Stellar’s conversation with Thurston, who is brought to tears by the first mention of his late friend’s name and still finds it difficult to speak about him without becoming overwhelmed with grief.

“I played with my heart on my sleeve; I’m an emotional person,” he says.

“That’s a strength and weakness, but I’m not afraid of showing my emotions. That’s who I am and I won’t apologise for that. The last weeks have been incredibly tough.”

While Thurston’s wife, Samantha, and a clutch of close mates have rallied around him, the 39-year-old has also sought the help of a psychologist as he grapples with the loss.

“I’ve been able to reach out to someone professionally to help with the grieving process,” he says.

Yet this isn’t the first time the proud Gungarri man has done so. In fact, during a raw television interview following Green’s death, Thurston – who won the Dally M Player of the Year medal four times and was named Queensland’s Australian of the Year in 2018 – revealed as much.

Now, as part of a candid and impassioned effort to get other men to open up and talk about their emotions more freely, Thurston wants to elaborate on the assistance he has received.

“I’ve been on the back page of the paper, which is normally when you’ve done a good thing, and the front page, when it’s normally because you haven’t,” he tells Stellar.

“I’ve had both. And what that’s brought to my family... You start having these thoughts where things start spiralling out of control.

“I’ve been fortunate enough to have a sports psychologist who has been there for me since I moved to the Cowboys [in 2005] for the relationship breakdowns, the injuries, for financial advice.

“I’ve got a real close group of mates that I confide in. But talking to a professional has helped give me building blocks to get through that part of my life.”

Thurston says he’s leant hard on that support during relationship breakdowns, as well as in 2010, when late-night antics led to his arrest in Brisbane on charges of being a public nuisance.

“Life is tough,” he reflects. “We’ve all made mistakes. I’ve had the highest of highs and lowest of lows. I’ve spent a couple of nights in the watch house.

“Those are moments I’m not proud of. They’re the moments that see me on the front page of the paper nationally. They’re the moments that take you to a place where you’re ashamed and you don’t want to leave the house and be seen in public.

“Talking about all these emotions has cleansed me. I’ve walked out of sessions in a much better headspace and [as if a] weight has lifted off my shoulders. Instead of walking around with a hat covering my face, I’ve got my hat backwards. And I’m proud.”

Johnathan Thurston: ‘I want to make sure that men know it’s a brave and tough act to speak up and seek help’ Picture: Simon Upton for Stellar.

The father of four admits that in the past 15 years, the conversation around mental health has shifted dramatically thanks to organisations such as Lifeline, R U OK? Day and Gotcha4Life.

Yet suicide remains the leading cause of death for Australian men under the age of 45, and there are still plenty who struggle to move past the negative connotations that seeking treatment for – or merely opening up about – their mental health had for so long.

This might be a factor in why Thurston hasn’t previously opened up about seeing

a psychologist, although it is something he tells the students who attend the Johnathan Thurston Academy, which provides employment and leadership opportunities for young people.

“We’ve been brought up in that ‘dust yourself off and get on with it’ attitude. But you can’t get on with it because the mind is so powerful, and when it starts spiralling out of control, it takes you to places you can’t get out of,” he explains.

Thurston also says that while the ability to stay focused on building his career – whether playing on the field or cracking jokes on television – has been a blessing, it also might have given outsiders the impression that his life was always proceeding in a bubble of happiness that couldn’t be punctured.

“It’s something I tell my students: ‘You never know what’s going on behind closed doors.’ It’s why I want to make sure that men know it’s a brave and tough act to speak up and seek help.

“It’s not weak. It’s not shameful,” he tells Stellar. “We should be celebrating people for reaching out and showing what they’re going through and their vulnerability. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Ultimately, Thurston wants to make it clear that seeking professional help may not be the right choice for everyone: “I’m not telling people what to do – more that this is my story, and what has helped me.”

And yet, he adds, “I just keep thinking what would have happened if Greeny would have reached out to someone. I want people to know that with all the success I’ve achieved, I’ve had tough times, and being able to speak to someone professionally helped me through those.”

In turn, he remains committed to speaking up on behalf of his late friend, who was struggling so hard.

“Greeny had a big impact on me and that will never change,” Thurston says. “I’m hanging on to that, and the joy we brought to people’s lives.”

Johnathan Thurston features in this Sunday’s Stellar. Picture: Steven Chee for Stellar.

The NRL Grand Final airs today at 6.30pm on the Nine Network and 9Now. ‘

If you or someone you know needs help, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue on 1300 224 636.

Originally published as Johnathan Thurston: ‘I’m not afraid of showing my emotions’