Jennifer Lopez on her ‘worst’ heartbreak and being a role model at 52

In an exclusive interview with Stellar, the singing, acting and dancing sensation reveals “the most heartbreaking time” of her life and the advice her mum gave her about making it through.

A vivacious pop star’s love highs and lows are splashed about in the media for all to see … sounds like just another day in the life of Jennifer Lopez, but it is also the plot to her latest movie.

In an exclusive interview with Stellar, the singing, acting and dancing sensation talks female empowerment, surviving heartbreak inflicted by your own children, and how it is those very films which so closely mimic aspects of her real life that have helped her make big strides for diversity in Hollywood and beyond.

Jennifer Lopez talks candidly about being the spotlight. Picture: Jon Kopaloff/Getty

Your children (Lopez and ex-husband Marc Anthony are parents to twins Emme and Maximilian) are turning 14 at the end of this month. My eldest son is on the brink of becoming a teenager and started high school this year, so are you also navigating that transitional period where they are partly still your babies but partly young adults?

I know! It is the most heartbreaking time. I thought I’d been heartbroken before – no, this is the worst. It’s funny, your mum tells you, “Wait till they’re teenagers. They’re going to put you through what I went through.”

And you’re like, “Oh no, it’s going to be different with my kids.”

They just need to find their own way. They love you, you’re their mum, you’ve taken care of them and now they need to have their own identity. They’re becoming their own little people.

And it’s hard, because they’ve been your babies all that time. And that’s part of being a parent – it’s being strong enough to let them go, let them have their moment, and let them see you and criticise you and make fun of you. All of the things that teenagers do to their parents. It’s like, wait, I thought we were best friends, I thought you loved everything I did.

What happened? You looked up to Mummy! But here’s the good news: they come back. That’s what I hear. So I’m waiting for that. I’ll ride out these few years and try to stay as close to them as I can and be as constantly a loving force in their life as I can so that they know when they get back, I’ll be right here.

In your new film, Marry Me, you play a music superstar who is one half of a celebrity couple. People will inevitably observe the real-life parallels, so what are the main distinctions between your life and hers?

I drew on so much of it emotionally. There were obvious distinctions in that she’d been doing it since she was very young – she was writing songs in high school and had her first big hit at 15 – whereas for me, I didn’t make my first album until I was 28 years old. I had lived in the Bronx and kind of had a very normal life up until then.

But as far as what it was like to actually be a singer, to perform on stage, to be a pop star, to have hits, to be scrutinised in the press, to have difficulties in your personal life? All of those things were very real and I could bring a lot of emotion and real-life feeling to that.

There are scenes where your character, Kat Valdez, is watching TV and sees her personal life and the breakdown of her relationship being joked about by talk-show hosts.

Owen Wilson and Jennifer Lopez in their new movie Marry Me.

Presumably the notion of having very real heartbreak being used as a punchline is something you strongly relate to?

One hundred per cent. These are specific scenes that we added because I know what these experiences are like. Because we do hear all the things that people say and it hurts sometimes.

You get used to it but in those vulnerable moments when stuff is going wrong in your life, it’s harder.

Yes, you know what you signed up for and you’ve got to have a thick skin – but it was important, I think, for people to see that it’s just not this veneer or this image of a person, but there’s an actual person there. A human being with feelings and emotions.

Marry Me is directed by a woman. You have increasingly been working with female directors and have spoken about the importance of female storytelling – do you think the industry is improving on that front?

Yeah, I think we’re a lot more conscious right now. We kind of kicked and screamed long enough where people are actually listening a little bit – and that’s been a long time coming.

And I think now that other women are realising, just like myself, oh, I actually have the power to do this. I can hire whatever director I want. I’m producing this movie … My last three movies were all women directors, so it’s exciting to be able to be in that position to do that, because we want to tell those stories.

Jennifer Lopez performing during the taping of the “Vax Live” fundraising concert in California in May, 2021. Picture: Valerie Macon/AFP

You’ve also played a role in helping to create a more diverse representation of ethnicity in popular culture. How much progress have you seen in that regard over the course of your career?

It was very difficult when I first started. It was very specific roles, like … the idea of

a Latina girl starring in a romantic comedy was like, what? And again, sometimes it just starts within you, like what you believe you can do and what limits you put on yourself, or you allow other people to put on you.

And I was just like, why? Why can’t I be the wedding planner? Why can’t I be these people? Why can’t I be the girl in the movie? Just the girl. And I used to say, I don’t want to be named any specific thing, just give me a first name. That was very important to me so that we could start seeing different types of people in lead roles. And that’s still very, very rare.

But, you know, you keep hoping and praying that it starts to change. We still have a ways to go and that’s OK, so long as we’re moving in the right direction.

Let’s talk about marriage because Kat gives a great speech about how the rules of marriage “kind of suck for women” in that women have to wait for men to propose and traditionally give up their names. Do you agree?

It is a very un-empowering thing to wait for somebody to choose you. It’s just like, wait, why don’t we decide? Why don’t we take our time and why don’t we live together first? There’s so many different ways that we can skin this cat, where two people could wind up together, choosing each other.

That equality is what we’ve been fighting for our whole lives. So it was a very curated, specific speech, and I’m glad it resonated with you.

Jennifer Lopez on the cover of Stellar magazine’s February 6 issue.

At the age of 52, you have become a role model for women when it comes to remaining visible and being an aspirational figure as you grow older. Are you conscious of that?

I have become conscious of it. It’s not something I planned to do. I was just kind of doing what I do and somehow came to represent that, and I’m very proud of it. And now I am super conscious of it.

When you’re young, you think: the things I do don’t matter – I’m just trying to survive. And then you have some success, you stay the course and you do things the right way, and that was very important to me.

And then it starts to represent something else because you have this kind of staying power that you fought for, that you wanted your place in the world and in life. It says to other people: “Yeah, you can have your place in life and you’re part of the world.”

For me, it is such a tremendous compliment that I would represent that and I do take that responsibility very seriously.

Marry Me is in cinemas from Thursday

Originally published as Jennifer Lopez on her ‘worst’ heartbreak and being a role model at 52