‘I was in big trouble … in not-so-little Tokyo’: Dr Chris Brown reveals awkward moment

It was an embarrassing moment Dr Chris Brown won’t live down: a can of beer exploded while he was travelling, and left him looking as if he had soiled his pants.

So this wasn’t “leakage” in the traditional sense.

You know, the kind that results in complete social isolation for months, if not years.

However, on a crowded Tokyo train carriage, it really didn’t matter.

And the fact is that every Japanese person on that train was way too polite to question the amber liquid that was trickling down my legs.

I blame a lot of things. But mostly I blame the ease with which you can buy cold beers in Japan – from vending machines, corner stores and, yes, subway train stations. So it came to be that a very large, very carbonated can of Japanese beer ended up in the shoulder bag slung all too conveniently across my lap.

And when the aforementioned can met with a stray ballpoint pen, it was an explosive encounter. And I didn’t even realise it had happened.

Picture: Getty Images

In fact, it was only the sight of that alarming river of gold in full flood across the train carriage floor that alerted me to big trouble in not-so-little Tokyo.

Following the river back to its source led me to realise the trickle did indeed begin inside my bag and travel, via my crotch, down my pant leg and onto the ground.

Despite it being 40 years since I’d needed to worry about wetting myself and – all going well – roughly another 40 until I need to worry about it again, this was a hell of a way to celebrate the midway point to my Depend incontinence undies milestone.

While you can never truly prepare yourself for the exploded-beer-can-inside-a-bag scenario, it’s worth pointing out that with Japan now being Australian travellers’ number-one destination, dealing with the aftermath of a groin-area explosion is almost worthy of an in-flight informational video upon landing in Tokyo.

You see, while tying a jumper around your waist might hide some of the telltale signs, disposing of the smoking gun (aka the leaking can) might be a little more tricky.

Oh, yes. Welcome to the most mind-blowing observation of any Australian travelling to Japan: forget Mount Fuji or the high quality of the sushi, the thing most Aussies really struggle with is the complete and utter lack of rubbish bins. Anywhere.

Dr Chris Brown and Sonia Kruger. Picture: Vethaak Media

It’s not like they’re just sparse; they don’t exist. The theory, apparently, is that you don’t have a rubbish problem if you don’t even acknowledge the presence of rubbish in the first place.

It’s revolutionary thinking – and it’s also the reason I quite literally carried the can for an hour until I was forced to deposit it on the train platform – an act I fully expected to be deported for.

But it did leave me wondering: with all those vending machine drinks being purchased and no place to dispose of them, surely peak hour on the Tokyo subway is made up of millions upon millions of fizzy drinks just waiting to experience the same fate as mine?

In fact, maybe the lack of interest in my “situation” from fellow commuters was simply because they’d seen it happen thousands of times before.

And twice that day already.

Dr Chris Brown is a veterinarian and television host.

For more from Stellar, listen to the latest episode of the podcast, Something To Talk About below:

Originally published as ‘I was in big trouble … in not-so-little Tokyo’: Dr Chris Brown reveals awkward moment