’I think I’m cool for being with him, not the other way around’: Abbie Chatfield responds to boyfriend drama
After hard launching her new romance, Abbie Chatfield has revealed why she is playing by her own rules – and the reason her relationship ‘isn’t like other people I’ve had flings with’.
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A lot can change in a year. Just ask media personality and FBoy Island host Abbie Chatfield. In a conversation on Stellar’s podcast Something To Talk About, Chatfield gets characteristically frank about the radio job she had to leave, the new romance that has her feeling “very optimistic, which I never am”, and the complexities of speaking up about divisive issues on social media.
After you were last on the cover of Stellar, in May 2023, you spoke about how you really struggled on the day of your photo shoot. You said you had to take breaks between shots to go outside to cry. You loved the photos, but in an Instagram post, you also explained that “I have so much pressure on me all the time to be fun and entertaining. It’s draining, physically and mentally. I’m not trying to get sympathy, I guess I’m just trying to say this is maybe not what you think.” How does it feel to reflect on those words 15 months later?
Well, I quit radio, thank God. That was the biggest issue I was having. I feel like I’m still very burnt out and exhausted. That was right before I decided to quit radio. With that job, you can’t really just go through the motions. You have to be sparkly and exciting; there’s not a chance to switch off. Your life gets consumed, because every single part of your life – every bit of media I ingested, every single conversation I had, I was writing notes. Like, what can I do for radio with this? Since quitting, I’m much happier. But I’d say I’m still reeling from the effects.
There’s that component where you have to mine your life. If you’re having a bad
day, do you share that? If a great thing happened, maybe you want to keep it to yourself. I imagine those elements still exist. One hundred per cent. Another thing was how to designate which content went where. With the podcast, socials, collaborations, my tour and radio, thinking: this thing has happened in my life. How do we speak about it? Which platform is best? Every part of your life becomes commodified, but also analysed: Is this a long-form story? Is it short form? It’s a strange thing to do, and you don’t even realise you’re doing it till it’s been six months or a year, and then you start to go a bit bonkers. I’ve obviously hard launched my relationship with Adam [Hyde, of Australian electronic music duo Peking Duk]. I posted about it on TikTok a lot. And someone commented saying: “You seem manic. This feels too much too soon.” And I made a video saying, “Well, I’ve known him for two years. We’ve been dating for six months, getting closer. We were friends for two years before then, so I’m not sure how you think you know it’s too soon.” It’s like people not only want more from you, but they also think they know everything. It’s this contradictory feeling of: we know everything about your life, but also, what are you hiding? I’m not actually hiding anything. I just don’t have a GoPro on my head.
Listen to the full interview with Abbie Chatfield on the latest episode of Something To Talk About:
Let’s talk about Adam. Your “hard launch” on social media last month made quite the splash. Last year when we spoke, you said you weren’t keen on dating publicly again. Obviously something changed.
I guess with Adam it’s different, because I trust the strength of our relationship. But also, us hanging out isn’t a big, new thing. We’ve been hanging out publicly for years. He was in the audience for my live show a year before we got together, when I still believed he didn’t like me, which is funny. It isn’t like other people I’ve had flings with. And this is gonna sound a bit wanky, but he’s had a bigger career than me. I don’t think he’s using me for anything. He’s successful in his own right. I think I’m cool for being with him, not the other way around.
Some have said his role as a professional musician has been diminished by being referred to as your partner. His rebuttal was, “Thank you for the concern, but I’ll happily be labelled ‘Abbie Chatfield’s boyfriend’ any day.”
He’s the best.
So there’s obviously none of that unease that I think everyone in the public eye can experience. And you really are one of the most well-known women in the country …
Oh, you’re lovely. I love that, but as far as I’m concerned, my career is over [in] my head. I have that doom every month.
Do you really?
Yeah, every month. I think it always happens when I get my period. I go, “Yeah, my career is over.”
Well, it definitely is not. But success can bring with it worry that relationships have
a transactional component to them, even when you’re not in the public eye. You do wonder why someone’s with you when people say they’re using you for whatever reason. Adam and I kind of laugh about it. We go, “Oh … We both have money and careers, we don’t have to worry about that.” Which is wonderful. But I think the response to being called Abbie Chatfield’s boyfriend is funny, because men are finally seeing how women are spoken about in the media constantly. They’re outraged that young women – who are my core demographic – would call Adam that. But I’m sure those same men will call women WAGs very freely, and say so-and-so is so-and-so’s wife or girlfriend.
How do you navigate the pressure of knowing that so many people have become invested in your relationship?
With every other relationship, I’ve been really scared of that pressure. We’re able to brush it off, although I got upset this morning. People in the comments section were saying: “Oh, I hope this goes well, but I’m sure it will end in tears.” Or “I can see the manic episode after the break-up coming.” I told Adam, and he was like, “It’s fine to be upset about that, but just look around. We’re at the dog park with the dogs, sitting in the sun. We had a great night last night. I love you, you love me. If we break up, OK … but I’m not dumping you. So just have a breath. Who gives a f*ck what some random person comments about our relationship?” So I’m very optimistic, which I never am. Usually I’m like: no relationship questions about my current partner, because I’m embarrassed. But now I’m like: I’ll be fine. And if I’m not, whatever.
You’re again hosting FBoy Island, which is about to return for season two. What are the biggest shifts this time around?
It has always looked amazing, but the opening scene of episode one, it’s such high quality. It’s like Game Of Thrones the way it’s been filmed and edited – just next level. So it looks insane. But the leading ladies are incredible, really different to the women last year. They have the advantage of understanding the show this year, and being able to call things out and see more red flags. They’re a bit stronger, but also very silly. We all had a really good rapport. The guys are a bit sillier this year as well. Again, it’s because they get it this year. I’m excited for everyone to see it. I think it’s better than season one.
Hosting a show – and also launching one, as you did last year – brings with it big pressure. But you had a hugely successful first season. Did you have a sense this time around of having more fun and feeling more relaxed?
I do feel less pressure this time, for sure. But I think it’s interesting, the perception of me being at the helm. People seem to think that I’m casting it, producing it, editing it. I wish. I’d be making a lot more money, let me tell you. But being a public figure for other things, and then with social media … I’m not this distant figure. So that puts pressure on me for the show to be entertaining and good, and also morally aligned with me. The producers themselves align with me, so I’m not worried about that. But also, it’s called FBoy Island. It’s a silly reality show, it’s satire. It is a lot to deal with – but I’m very excited for it to start.
You’ve been vocal about the humanitarian crisis in Gaza in recent months. Speaking
to Stellar last year, you said you had learnt to be a bit more guarded about the issues you take on. Why did you want to take such a public position on this matter?
It didn’t really take much thought. I just didn’t want to be silent on something that was so horrific. As time has gone on, I’ve had legal threats from groups that are anti-Palestinian. I’ve been called a jihadist. I have suspicions that one of the jobs I lost – a big one that I really cared about – was because of this. But it doesn’t really matter when there’s so much atrocity happening in another country and we’re seeing it. Every day it’s becoming clearer it really
is a cut-and-dried issue, that remaining silent on this is not really an option for me.
How do you feel when some people don’t want to speak out?Gaza has probably brought this to a head; the idea that being silent is seen as being complicit – there’s this notion that everyone has to have a public stance. What’s your view on that? If somebody chooses not to comment, do you believe their silence is a problem?
When it comes to the genocide in Gaza, yes. I do think people should speak out about it if they have a public platform, because it’s happening right in front of our eyes and we have all of the evidence. It’s very clear. I don’t think everyone needs to speak on every single topic if they don’t have an opinion on it – but if you do, it would be nice if you shared. Does that make sense? You can’t really be apolitical living in the world. If you’re affected by the rental crisis, that is a political issue. If you’re affected by abortion bans, that is a political issue. If you don’t want to choose either Anthony Albanese or Peter Dutton, that’s a political issue. If you care about climate change, that’s politics. Everything we do during the day is part of the political landscape, and I think that while not everyone needs to speak on every single thing, I also don’t want to encourage people I don’t agree with to just post about every single thing because they want to get interaction on social media or get attention. I do think that if you care about something, it’s very easy with social media to find resources to share, just even to hopefully educate one other person. Because there’s no way to be apolitical in this world.
Listen to the full interview with Abbie Chatfield on the latest episode of Something To Talk About:
I just wonder if we’re at a point where it will become the expectation. And does that bring with it the risk that perhaps you’re not informed, but you think: I’ve got to say something, so I’m going to say something. So here’s an article I read, now I’m going to tell everyone what I think and what they should think …
I do see that happening. And with social media and the spread of misinformation … Everyone around me seems to have very wobbly media literacy. Not my personal friends, but people on the internet. It’s a risky thing, because if everyone’s just sharing things they see, going “Yeah, that sounds about right, I’ll put it on my stories,” then they could be spreading misinformation. They could be aligning themselves with an account they don’t even agree with. They’ve seen some infographic that looks legitimate and now they’re sharing it. I see a lot of danger in that. I would just love to see people aligning themselves publicly with what they do privately.
But any time we expect something from everyone – whether it’s staying silent or speaking up – then if there’s a one- size-fits-all approach, in my mind, that’s where the problems start …
I totally agree, and I have no idea how to even mitigate that. Because I’m on the side of, I’d rather more people speak up. But you’re right. It’s a breeding ground for misinformation and people just posting things to satiate their followers, rather than because they believe them. And how do you tell the difference? You can’t. It’s up to the consumer to find their own information. So, I don’t know. Maybe even if it’s just making people look into things a bit more. But then I fear that they won’t, because of the lack of media literacy. It’s a big cycle. Jesus. We’re like, oh my God, the world is ending.
Gee, aren’t you glad you spoke to me [laughs]?
No, I love it. I love that question. It’s a really good thing to think about.
FBoy Island Australia season 2 will stream on Binge from August 5, with episodes dropping weekly. For more from Stellar, click here.
Originally published as ’I think I’m cool for being with him, not the other way around’: Abbie Chatfield responds to boyfriend drama
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