Help! I’m dreading going back to work

I love my job but I’m not ready to lose the holiday glow and get back into the brutal pace of the working year ahead. What do I do? Clinical psychologist Jo Lamble has some expert advice.

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Each week clinical psychologist Jo Lamble provides some expert advice for life’s dilemmas.

Question 1: My friend has been cheating on her boyfriend for a year now. I have respected our friendship and kept my mouth shut for the entire time, expecting her to either break up with her boyfriend or break off the affair – but she doesn’t seem to want to do either.

Or perhaps she just doesn’t care anymore. Should my loyalty to my friend outrank my morals and the fact that I’m feeling guilty about enabling her infidelity?

Sometimes we can judge others harshly because we have high expectations of ourselves and other people. Other times, we know that a friend is making poor decisions and we can feel powerless to stop them.

It’s really tough when we love a friend but hate some of their choices. In your case, I’m wondering why you feel that you’re enabling her infidelity.

Are you lying to her boyfriend about her being with you when she is actually with the other guy? Have you had to lie when asked a direct question about whether she’s seeing someone else? Or do you just feel uncomfortable when she tells you what’s going on and you think that you’re supporting her by listening?

I don’t think it’s your place to tell her boyfriend that she’s cheating on him. But one way you can make sure you stay true to your morals and values is by not agreeing to cover up the affair.

Tell your friend that you’re worried about people getting hurt and you’re not comfortable in playing a role in the deception. Hopefully she will see that you don’t like what’s going on and she will stop talking to you about it.

Better still, she may realise that she is not committed to her boyfriend and she should either end things with him, or end the affair and begin to work on her primary relationship.

Gazing wistfully off into the distance, dreaming of more holidays and wondering why jobs even exist... (Picture: The Bold Type, ©Stan)

Question 2: As I write this, I am in full summer holiday mode – but at the back of my mind is the gnawing fear of having to soon head back to work and brace myself for another 12 months of the stress and exhaustion that my very demanding job brings with it.

Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do for a living, but should I be concerned by the fact that I am dreading losing this holiday glow and getting back into the brutal pace of the working year ahead?

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There is always such a build up to the end of the year and most people look forward to slowing down and enjoying a well-earned rest over Christmas and early summer.

Then, as the time approaches to begin a new year at work, there is this feeling of dread of what lies ahead – even if you do love your job.

I’d recommend that you do a mental stocktake of your job. What do you love about it? Make a list of everything that you enjoy. Then make a list of what you don’t love.

What causes you the most stress? Have a think about how you could make some changes. Is there a better way to start or finish your day?

Perhaps you could review what you do for lunch. Do you need to have some conversations about adding some extra challenges or more variety? Or are your expectations too high? Are you having trouble delegating? Do you need to say “no” more often?

Make a list of the changes you want and commit to implementing them. And remember that anticipation is usually the hardest part, and most of us start the new year and adjust fairly quickly.

Got an issue for Jo to tackle? Send your questions to [e-mail].

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Originally published as Help! I’m dreading going back to work