Dr Chris’ big plan to save you money

From using tea bag strings as dental floss to reusing the bags FIVE TIMES, Dr Chris Brown shares his top tips for frugality amidst the rising cost of living.

It’s time to issue an alert. Inflation, cost of living and a general lack of iceberg lettuce has meant the perfect growing conditions for the one character trait that can save us right now.

Attention, all tight-arses, this is your time. Being thrifty is set to take over as the hottest

trend of 2022. It’s hard not to be excited.

There’s no doubt some secretly relish the chance to be thrifty. It’s almost a club. A club where the only price of admission is to find a way to avoid paying the price of admission.

And we’re not talking about just casual tightness, like going to the movies on a Tuesday. Or buying in bulk. Or purchasing a must-have, 37-piece welding kit just because it’s a limited

Aldi special buy.

In all seriousness, you’ll need to forget about flying anywhere. After all, you’ll have to take out a second mortgage for that round trip to the nearest capital city.

And a third one to employ that airline staff member who can check you in.

Instead, 2022 is all about celebrating those true Titans Of Tightness. Those who thrive on thrifty. And, as much as it pains me to say it, these are the superheroes we need in a cost of living crisis.

The brave few who can stare a nationwide hummus shortage in the face and proudly say they

don’t need that crushed chickpea paste anyway because crushed frozen pea paste tastes just the same.

Even when it clearly doesn’t taste just the same.

Dr Chris Brown says it’s time to get stingy. Picture: Pierre Toussaint

How do I know or care so much about these champions of the cheap? Well, I’m

related to many of them. Oh yes, there’s a solid vein of tightness running through

my own family.

Take my grandfather. He was admitted into the Stonemasons Of Stinge for what he did with tea bags.

Not only did he stretch each bag through five separate cups of tea, he then cut off the string of that exhausted bag and used it as dental floss... for five more days!

That’s remarkable value from a tea bag that was asking for exploitation with its absurd five-cent cost.

But if there is an upside to a life lacking in leafy greens, it’s that we’ll finally get our hands on something fresh we’ve been missing for years. Fresh stories.

For too long, we’ve been subjected to the same “back in my day” yarns from anyone over 65.

You know the ones. How “back in my day” you couldn’t afford heating so had to gather around the oven. Or how four kids would survive on a single boiled cabbage for a week.

Well, we can sure show them now. In “our day” we can’t even afford a cabbage (let alone the luxury of boiling it) since KFC commandeered the country’s supply for their burgers.

Which makes cabbage the new lettuce – after lettuce was the new toilet paper.

Dr Chris Brown’s column features in this Sunday’s Stellar. Picture: Daniel Nadel.

No... not literally. You know what I mean!

Oh, forget about it.

Dr Chris Brown is a veterinarian and television host.

Originally published as Dr Chris’ big plan to save you money