Carrie Bickmore: True stories of motherhood at 3.14am
With two young children and a baby to care for, television host Carrie Bickmore knows what it’s like to be deep in the trenches of sleep deprivation and exhaustion.
Stellar
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FEBRUARY 8, 3.14AM
ADDIE IS TWO MONTHS
I write this as our two-month-old baby, Adelaide, finally falls asleep in her bassinet next to me.
She likes to catnap so I don’t have long, but I wanted to record my accurate feelings of the first few months of my third stint at motherhood, as I know by morning the brain will already have started recalibrating the past in order to minimise how hard things really were!
In short, it’s been one of the most challenging periods of my parenting life.
I realise now I had it pretty easy during the newborn phase with my other two kids.
This little poppet has needed to be held day and night for six weeks straight. Reflux. Sounds like such a gentle affliction, but it’s genuinely torn us a new one.
I try to hold onto perspective, reminding myself there are new mums doing it tougher with really sick babies, no support networks, or twins!
But keeping perspective with no sleep is like trying to catch a fish that’s just been shot out of a cannon. Weird analogy... but it’s late, OK?
Last weekend, Chris took Ollie on a one night boys’ trip. He does it every year.
I proclaimed I’d be fine without Chris, but by midnight, after spending three hours trying to get our non-compliant three-year-old to bed while jiggling Addie who was extremely unsettled, my anxiety hit somewhere near boiling point.
I felt trapped at home and in desperate need of a break. I was jealous of Chris’s night of freedom and sleep, but also glad he was doing something with Ollie.
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I willed myself to stay calm, to stay rational. But by 2am, I start texting Chris:
“You awake? It’s been a tough night!”
“Why won’t she feed properly?”
“Hello...?”
“I’m really struggling.”
“I am soooo tired, I can’t keep walking up and down the hallway...”
“I can’t do this on my own tonight, I’m worried I may be getting postnatal depression.”
Turns out he woke up at about 3.30am. What a collection of messages for the poor guy to wake up to.
He calls and my anxiety immediately drops. By sunrise, I’m much calmer. (Why are the nights so much lonelier?)
I had a vision I’d spend my days this past summer feeding Addie on the back deck while Ollie and Evie played in the sunshine, laughing and carefree.
But juggling the three of them during school holidays, with Evie not enjoying her new world order, Addie projectile vomiting everywhere, a trip back to hospital with mastitis, and a whole lot of being awake is the true story.
ONE NIGHT IN EARLY MAY, 9PM
ADDIE IS FIVE MONTHS
But... and this is the important bit... Addie is five months old and I think we’re through the toughest bit.
Medication has fixed the reflux, the other two kids are in their routine, we’re getting (broken) sleep, and Addie is smiling, which makes it all better!
Tomorrow will bring new challenges, but today I feel lucky.
So I send a giant fist bump to all families currently in the trenches. I wish you calmer times ahead. Keep telling yourself: the nights are long but the years are short.
Carrie co-hosts The Project, 6.30pm weeknights on Network 10, and Carrie & Tommy, 3pm weekdays on the Hit Network.
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Originally published as Carrie Bickmore: True stories of motherhood at 3.14am
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