Why trust is the one thing that will save Michael Clarke and Jade Yarbrough’s relationship

Relationship experts reveal what fighting in public says about a couple – and the single thing Michael Clarke and Jade Yarbrough need in order to repair their rift.

Relationship experts believe the love affair between Michael Clarke and girlfriend Jade Yarbrough can be repaired – but it relies on the truth being aired and moving past their private pain.

Psychologists say the public spat in a Noosa park last week may cause the short-term loss of friendships, dignity and work — with Clarke already at risk of losing a commentating gig in India — but the long-term impact could be more severe on their relationship.

Psychologist and couples master coach Dee Tozer says the future survival of their relationship is reliant on the truth about a potential infidelity — a claim Clarke denied in the video.

“I believe it’s reparable, but they must both be interested in that to even start exploring getting back together and how much Jade wants to get to the bottom of it,” Tozer says.

“If it’s genuine that he wrote ‘I love you’ to (former girlfriend) Pip (Edwards), Jade has to get out because he’s gone behind her back making overtures to his ex, inviting her to go to India with him. Whether that’s true or maybe was said in jest, it still doesn’t answer the question – why was he in contact with his ex at all?

“Most women wouldn’t stay in those circumstances and, if there’s no answer, Jade should get out because it’s disloyalty which is on a different level to being disrespectful. It’s dishonouring who Jade is as a person.”

Analysing the video, Tozer says it’s clear they are both passionate hot heads, further complicating their ability to talk rationally about their relationship. She says the interaction throws doubt on whether either of them has any emotional wisdom though they clearly care enough about each other to react so extremely.

A couples master coach has described Clarke and Yarbrough as hot heads.

“In these sorts of fights, they just don’t appear to have the ability to conduct a conversation that doesn’t turn into a cyclone category 5. There’s no ability to pause for a moment and realise you’re in the public spectacle here.”

PUBLIC PAIN

Psychologist Sabina Read says when you’re emotionally assaulted, it takes at least 20 minutes before the part of the brain responding to the fight or flight situation can calm down which could explain why this fight happened in the public domain.

“When you’re confronted with painful information – information that hurts to try to explain, – it’s futile, regardless of who you are, what the situation is,” Read says.

“When you’re triggered with that level of emotional pain, you need to find ways to step aside physically and emotionally until you have the capacity for clearer thoughts and responses. We can only guess the emotion Jade was feeling at that moment – shame, embarrassment, anger, fear, uncertainty.

“It challenges who you are, what you know, what you thought. Only when you step aside, can you come back with a clearer mind to express what you feel and move forward.’’

But moving forward depends on the mutual commitment to talk and share what the experience has meant to both people, what they could do differently and what they choose to repair. I rarely think there’s an end of the line in conflict,” Read says.

Michael Clarke and Jade Yarbrough at an event in November. Picture: Getty Images

“One person may say, ‘I don’t want this’. If one person wants out, it’s the end of the road.

“If both parties are interested in continuing and infidelity has taken place (which Clarke denies), there must be a decision that infidelity belongs to relationship number 1 and that’s done. Now, number 2 can be created with new expectations, boundaries, and renewed understanding.

“But if one person in the relationship doesn’t want to be in it, it can’t be.”

WORST IS ON SHOW

Public fighting and lashing out in a crucial moment is an expression of pain. “You don’t have the capacity to reason in the immediate aftermath of emotional pain. Anger is the secondary emotion to pain, fear and hurt,’’ Read says.

Counsellor and relationship expert Joanne Wilson says public fighting between couples sends a powerful message about their relationship.

“Differences are inevitable in any relationship however, a trusting and respectful connection features healthy boundaries around conflict and confidentiality,” Wilson says.

When couples fight in public, it signifies a lack of healthy boundaries around conflict.

“The video likely captures some of the worst of a moment in time and there would be plenty of additional narratives. It does feature accusations of infidelity and verbal abuse.

“These behaviours are a marker to compromise their mental wellbeing in the long-term and are not conducive to a healthy, kind, and respectful relationship.”

But, Wilson says, plenty of couples do reunite and commit to each other long term even when more hurtful experiences have happened.

“High-profile couples experience added stress from public scrutiny and when the public, family and friends are witnessing any couple publicly fighting, there will be unavoidable bias and input that is usually skewed and full of emotion,” she says.