Why Australia’s La Nina weather pattern is driving us crazy

Enough is enough. Aussies are struggling and one factor is not helping us in our daily lives, argues Joe Hildebrand.

Maybe I’m showing my age here, but remember when the weather used to be … normal?

You know, summer was hot, winter was cold, and spring and autumn were somewhere in between?

I’m not talking about all the long-term climate stuff, I’m talking about the stuff that sounds like it’s straight out of the Book of Revelations.

First there were the fires, then there were the floods, and for anyone who couldn’t fork out $15 for a lettuce, there was a bit of famine too. And then we got floods again – surely that’s just taking the piss?

And now we’ve only just recovered from La Nina or El Nino or Finding Nemo, or whatever the hell that South American lambada dancer is called, and suddenly we’re hit with a “polar vortex”.

Now maybe I’ve just erased it from my mind, but I don’t remember having those as a kid.

This also brings me to sinkholes. Where the hell did they come from? Suddenly the ground is just opening up and randomly swallowing things and we’re all supposed to act like this is normal?

Cold, wet weather sets in at Flemington for Melbourne Cup Day. Picture: Jake Nowakowski

And how on earth did the polar vortex manage to time its trip from Antarctica so as to arrive bang on the morning of Cup Day – the holiest day of the Australian religious calendar?

I mean, I know the organisers at Flemington are spooked by The Everest, but at least that race only uses the mountain’s name instead of trying to replicate its weather conditions.

Don’t get me wrong, I grew up in Melbourne – I know you can get four seasons in one day. But that was what used to make the joint unique; now it’s happening all over the place. No wonder Victoria had to buy the netball.

And, frankly, it’s not fair on everyone else too. In Sydney, people panic as soon as their tans start to fade. In Adelaide, anything less than 35 consecutive days of 45C in summer and they declare a state of emergency. And, in Queensland … well, they’re still trying to figure out daylight savings.

So for the love of God – whoever You are – please just give us all a break and smite someone who deserves it. Like New Zealand.