How to cope when your kids are being ‘a***holes’

Technology could be the key to helping Aussie parents keep their cool when their kids are driving them crazy. See how and experts’ tips.

You’re trying to teach your child how to ride a bike but they’re not getting it. They’re cranky, talking back at you, and eventually, the bike is thrown to the ground. Your emotions are at boiling point, causing you to snap and yell at them, and then you feel bad.

It’s a scenario played out by Aussie families every day. Modern life is busy and packed with pressures, and sometimes in the middle of it all is a child who’s lost a shoe, teasing their sibling, or they’re just having one of “those” days and acting like an a***hole. So what can you do to keep your cool?

One option is to grab your smartphone and give yourself a pep talk using the app, Hey Lemonade! Conceived during the 2020 lockdowns by Aussie actors, Lucy Durack and Elise McCann, it features a range of snappy, science-based talks designed to nip small stresses in the bud.

“The entertainment industry shut down overnight, and like many parents, my husband Chris and I were suddenly 24/7 with the kids,” says Durack.

“At times Elise and I felt that we needed an app to give us a quick pep talk, but we couldn’t find anything out there that worked for us. So we took our ‘lemons’ and came up with Hey Lemonade!”

During lockdown theatre star Lucy Durack helped develop the app Hey Lemonade!

Developed by a team of experts and tested by the CSIRO, the catalogue of three-minute pep talks covers a variety of topics fusing solution-focussed therapy with colloquial language and light-hearted wit. They’re also delivered by a lineup of much-loved voices including Tony Armstrong and Maggie Beer.

The pep talk, When Your Kids Are Being A**holes, is aimed specifically at struggling parents, something which resonates with Durack as a working mum to Polly age seven and Teddy age three.

“Perhaps your kid has kicked off for the fourth time that morning, or it’s the middle of the night and you can’t call anyone,” says Durack. “That pep talk reminds parents that being a caregiver is a tough job, and while you’re busy trying to cater for your family’s needs your own often take a backseat.”

APP HELPS PARENTS FEEL NOT ALONE

Clinical psychologist, Dr Sally Clifford, says that pep talks are great to have in your parenting toolkit and to put time between your emotion and responding to your child.

“They also help parents feel they’re not alone in the struggle of parenting,” she says. “Because they delivered in a friendly way they take they take the heat out of the situation and make you feel calmer because it feels like you’re talking to a friend.”

Dr Clifford also recommends taking deep breaths or going outside to mindfully ground yourself for a few minutes.

“Parents need to realise they don’t need to be perfect,” she says. “Small daily acts of self-care to fill your cup can also go a long way so you’re not working from nothing. This can be as simple as making spending five minutes mindfully drinking your coffee in the morning.”

‘I WAS TRYING TO KEEP MY COOL’

Celeste Baer is a marketing professional from Melbourne, and mum to Luna, 3, and Elio, 2.

Celeste Baer is a marketing professional from Melbourne, and mum to Luna age three, and Elio who’s nearly two. The 30-year-old is a fan of Hey Lemonade! pep talks; she listened to When Kids Are Being A**holes for the first time on a busy Friday morning.

“My three-year-old was testing me for the 100th time, and I was trying to keep my cool so I listened to it and felt better,” she says.

“Taking a few minutes out for myself was also a nice break.”

Baer says the pep talk reminded her that while parenting is a tough job, it’s also hard for kids to regulate their emotions.

“Taking deep breaths and taking a ‘time out’ also help,” she says. “I’ll walk into the next room and take deep breaths making sure that Luna can hear and see me. But sometimes if I’ve got time in the moment to reflect, I think that if it’s not too big a deal giving in isn’t the end of the world.”

TOP TIPS FOR DEALING WITH KIDS

• Remember kids don’t have the same level of reasoning, judgment and impulse control that you do as an adult.

• Allowing kids to make mistakes helps them grow and build resilience.

• Use non-judgmental ways to respond to your child.

• Be consistent — keep boundaries in place.

• Give yourself permission to have a break.

Source: Dr Sally Clifford