‘AI helps me battle my ex’s text abuse in the best way’

Initially, the Melbourne mum didn’t know how else to respond but with what came straight from her angry heart. 

When *Katherine and husband, *Mark, separated, their communication left the mother of two toddlers in a crying heap, well after they stopped sharing a home. 

“There were a lot of lies right from the start and neglect of the kids on his side, so I would often get upset when he texted me,” the 38-year-old from Melbourne tells Kidspot.

“He would ask to see the kids more but then he wouldn’t show up, and he would find a way to blame his cheating or manipulation on me and the kids - it was all very mean. Then he demanded to introduce the kids to the person he had an affair with and I didn’t agree. The kids were going through so many changes already and he didn’t understand that.” 

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The mum-of-two responds to her abusive ex’s texts in a very different way. Image: Supplied

Communicating with a toxic ex

Initially, Katherine didn’t know how else to respond but with what came straight from her angry heart.

“My responses were very emotional,” the mother-of-two says.

“I would have verbal vomit and pour my heart out. I would say things like, ‘I can’t believe you are doing this to our family’.”

Katherine’s outlook shifted dramatically after learning about the AI tools, ChatGPT and Goblin Tools Formalizer, at her workplace.

“I needed to write an email to my boss that I wasn’t sure about, and it was recommended to me, and I realised how well they worked so I could express what I wanted to say, but in a much better way.”

Katherine immediately realised the AI tools could come in handy in her personal life, too, in trying to use the ‘grey rock’ method, which is responding to an abuser in an unengaged way. Information can be typed into the websites or apps, and the user can choose whether the text should be made less emotional, or more professional, for example.

Best of all, it’s all free using the websites and apps (up to a certain level) and users just need to create a login.

“I’ve learnt that an abuser wants you to show your emotions and explode, but when you respond in a formal and respectful way, you don’t play the game,” Katherine explains of her newfound way of communicating.

Katherine is still barraged with hateful messages from her ex and father of her children - but she now has a much “less stressful” way of handling them.

“He does things like try to put me down as a mum and accuses me of being a terrible partner, and that I didn’t give him enough love after our son was born,” she says of the man she shared her life with for more than a decade.

Some of the chat suggestions. Image: Supplied

“He says our son’s bad behaviour is my fault because he doesn’t do it with his dad, but he does with me. When I want to answer, ‘It's because I am his safe space and you have neglected him’, I put it in Goblin Tools which makes it more formal and creates more distance in my response. It helps me calm down when I read what Goblin has created and it changes  my perspective as well. I know his response will be better in response to the Goblin text compared to what I was going to say.”

The nasty messages are often followed by love bombing, which often leaves Katherine completely stuck in how to respond.

“He apologises for ruining our lives and says I’m the best person he’s ever met, a wonderful mother and that he wants me back,” she says, looking over her phone screenshots. 

Chat GPT allows the mum to reply in a way that won't get her into strife. Image: Supplied

“He says, ‘I still love you and I want to be loyal to you and you be loyal to me’, and I have no idea how to respond to that and I don’t want to trigger his anger, so I asked ChatGPT ‘what to say to an ex who has cheated but now asks for loyalty even though we are not together’.

It replies: ‘I understand loyalty is important to you but it’s difficult to hear that from someone who broke that trust in the past. We are no longer together and I think it’s important for us to focus on moving forward separately’. It's exactly what I wanted to say but the words couldn’t come out. It acknowledges his message without feeding into the manipulation.”

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For Katherine, using the AI tools has been a lifesaver for her coping mechanisms in being a primary caretaker and full time working parent.

“When I am able to keep control of my emotions this way, the kids benefit because I’m not as upset or stressed by it so much,” she says.

“And it’s so much easier than I thought to use it every day to ask for help. The answers come immediately and it’s a load off my mind.”

*Names have been changed to protect identities.

Originally published as ‘AI helps me battle my ex’s text abuse in the best way’