The surprising reason you should never have sex at the beach

You've been warned

While a romp in the sand might sound like a good idea at the time, experts warn that there are potentially painful - and dangerous - downsides.

It’s an iconic cocktail, T-Spoon sang about it in 1997 with the aptly named, Sex on the Beach, and while Danny and Sandy didn’t quite score a home run, the opening scenes of Grease show a prelude to what could have been.

And it seems many of us have done what Sandy and Danny didn’t with a 2017 survey by travel site, Expedia revealing that one in five Aussies have had sex on the beach, proving our natural summer playground definitely brings enjoyment for many of us in more than one sense of the word.

Love Therapy Australia sexologist Lauren Bradley says that the appeal of this sexual fantasy has a lot to do with the romanticised view of Australia and its beaches. 

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“The beach has long been associated with romance, reckless abandon and the quintessential Australian summer experience. Couple hot sun with lots of skin, cool water and summer flings - and you have a sensual experience that is ripe to become sexual,” she says.

A part of this, Bradley says, is the thrill of having sex outdoors which can really add to the pleasure factor.

“Sex outdoors carries a supercharge of adventure and risk, increasing adrenaline and the rush of excitement that for some, can really increase pleasure during sex,” she says.

The natural element of the setting, Bradley adds, can also be a turn-on for many.

“Sex on the beach can feel really freeing for people looking to connect to their natural side and nature. Sex on the beach can feel really spontaneous and exciting for people looking to get out of the four walls of their bedroom. New sensations, smells, and emotions can create a whole new sexual script for pleasure.” 

But before you start booking your next beach trip, Bradley says there are also some potentially sandy, painful, dangerous and serious downsides to consider first.

Sex in the water can expose you to all kinds of bacteria. Image: iStock

First and foremost, sex on the beach is illegal in Australia and doing so can come with some pretty hefty penalties which may reduce that pleasure factor considerably.

And for those who are still up for it, well there are a few more natural dangers to be wary of too.

“A sandy romp sounds like a good idea until you realise that sand, like glitter, ends up absolutely everywhere including in places where you don’t want gritty friction. 

In addition, blue bottles, crabs, glass and jellyfish are risky beach bedroom hazards that you probably don’t want anywhere near your private parts,” she says.

And it’s not just on the beach where sex can get a bit uncomfortable, warns Bradley.

“Sex in the water can expose you to all kinds of bacteria and sea life that should never really meet your starfish or sea slug.” 

Sex on the beach is illegal in Australia. Image: iStock

Now, if you’re still reading and shrugging indifferently with the mantra, what fun ever happened by playing it safe? Well, Bradley has some tips and positions for you to make the most out of the experience.

Swim between the flags

“If you’re going to get it on this summer, you need to swim between the flags and have sex safely, privately and pleasurably,” she says.

“To do this, be discrete – under the towel, in the car parked at the beach, in a beach tent – the more you can protect yourself from the elements, the safer your experience will be.”

Slip, slop and slap

“Use protection properly – sand, sunscreen and high water can erode contraceptive options increasing your chances of really having a beach baby.” 

Think outside the sandbox 

“Be creative – there are so many items on the sexual menu that are far less risky than penetrative sex, start with these options first,” Bradley advises.

Perhaps Danny and Sandy were onto something? Bradley also suggests picking an inconspicuous position. 

“A naked booty in the air is a dead giveaway, try sitting on top or a sneaky hand under a towel,” she says.

Summer days or nights?

And finally, with sex on the beach, Bradley says, timing is critical.

“Low tide vs high tide makes a big difference, night vs daytime, sunny day versus cloudy – all these factors will impact how private and enjoyable your escapade will be.”

And with all of that in mind, happy summer lovin’. 

Originally published as The surprising reason you should never have sex at the beach