How can you be a respectful partner and not cheat online?

Does your partner have a double (digital) life? Experts weigh in on where to draw the line around cheating in the online world.

With the rise of online dating, sexting, selfdestructing messages and the ease with which you can casually slide into someone DMs, do we have a right to be across the double digital life that our partner may lead? Or is what they do online irrelevant, in real life?

Defining the rules of cheating and monogamy in an online world

In our double tap-obsessed, doom-scrolling, Insta-stalking modern life, there’s very little separation between what we do online and offline when it comes to dating and relationships, Body+Soul reports.

“As we’re glued to our phones, the two worlds collide,” says Iona Yeung, dating coach and founder of the dating app 30EverAfter.

Given that most young people have never experienced a romance that’s devoid of social media involvement, it’s no surprise many are grappling with the concept of what it means to be a respectful partner online.

“Cheating in the traditional sense involves sex,” Ms Yeung tells Body+Soul. “But that now comes in all kinds of dimensions. You can have phone sex, an exchange of steamy photos, online sex … They don’t exactly fall under the traditional sense of cheating so there’s a lot of grey area.”

For more stories like this, go to bodyandsoul.com.au

How do we draw the line on what constitutes cheating in the online world? Picture: Getty Images

Knowing who your partner is talking to online

Unsurprisingly, the question around your “right” to information is a complex topic, says Georgia Grace, a certified sex coach and host of the podcast In Bed.

With so many of our conversations and daily interactions with others taking place online, it’s natural to be curious about who your partner is talking to.

“Many people will admit they’ve looked through their partner’s phone. You may be trying to get to the bottom of a betrayal, and in the process, betray your partner’s trust and privacy. If you have concerns or have a feeling that something is a little off, you need to address them in a conversation and discuss your relationship agreements.”

For Ms Yeung, what partners do online or offline shouldn’t matter if the relationship is built on trust and strong foundations.

“Healthy relationships have boundaries, and respect for your partner’s privacy builds not only trust but independence.”

If you have concerns, you need to have a discussion instead of snooping. Picture: Getty Images

When online flirting causes real life problems

Whether it’s a DM to someone you think is hot or a flurry of red hearts on their feed, it’s easy for what you might think is harmless flirting to end up causing major harm in a committed relationship.

So what does it mean to be a respectful partner in the metaverse? It all comes down to your intentions, says social media expert Emily Rose Hills.

“We’ve all hit that like button, whether it’s a fireman showing off his abs with a puppy or a Baywatch babe, so whether you’re sliding into DMs, liking or commenting on images, ask yourself how you [would] feel if your partner was doing it.”

Can it be classified as “cheating” if you never physically see the other person?

“This is a really individual thing – everyone defines infidelity differently,” Ms Grace says. “Some people think infidelity is just about the physical act of sex, for others it may be an emotional betrayal, for others it may be sending a DM.”

For Ms Hills, it’s more black and white.

“Cheating online and cheating in real life are the same,” she tells Body+Soul. “Even though you may never physically see the other person, the intention is there. Emotional affairs can be just as damaging to a committed relationship.”

Either way, Ms Yeung says: “If you need to ask yourself if it’s cheating, then it probably is.”

Is liking pictures of the opposite sex or sliding into their DMs harmless, or is it disrespectful to your partner? Picture: Getty Images

Unsure about your partner’s online behaviours?

Three experts weigh in on the best way to talk to your significant other if their online habits are making you unhappy.

Iona Yeung, dating coach and founder of 30EverAfter

“Approach the conversation without it coming off as an attack. Start with a few exploratory questions, such as: How do you feel about commenting on or liking social media posts? How would you feel if I were sliding into (insert influencer here)’s DMs? Do you think we need to set some boundaries so we’re aligned?

“Give your partner plenty of time and space to share their thoughts.”

Have discussions to set clear boundaries. Picture: Getty Images

Emily Rose Hills, social media expert

“Be upfront without being accusatory. Perhaps have a two-way discussion about exactly what’s acceptable and what’s not when it comes to online relationships. Make a pact to spend more time with each other than you do with your phone. [Try] phone-free date nights.”

Georgia Grace, sex coach

“Ask each other: What agreements can we make together to ensure we both feel safe, seen and respected in this relationship? And what do you need from me? Take turns paraphrasing what your partner is saying; this works to make everyone feel understood. If you’re struggling it may be useful to seek professional support.”

This story originally appeared in Body + Soul and has been reproduced with permission

Originally published as How can you be a respectful partner and not cheat online?