Bad date that led filmmaker, 28, discover their true sexuality

A 28-year-old Sydney filmmaker has revealed how a terrible date led to life-changing discovery about why they never wanted sex.

A Sydneysider has revealed how a bad date led to a huge discovery about their sexuality that completely changed their life.

After a terrible date three years ago, Caroline Elisabeth Cull, was left wondering why they “were not experiencing sexual attraction like everyone else”.

Their sexual desire was so low that at one point, they even thought their vagina was “broken”.

As a result, the now 28-year-old turned to Google, and eventually stumbled across something that caused the penny to drop.

“I started Googling sex and ‘why is sex bad? Why am I not feeling it?’ And, found a few articles about asexuality,” Caroline told SEEN TV.

“After that, I quickly realised that was who I was.”

Asexuality is the term coined for a person who has a lack of, or low interest, in sexual attraction or sexual activity.

There are subsections of this, such as demisexuality which means a low amount of sexual interest if there is a deep emotional connection with another person.

Caroline Elisabeth Cull is an asexuality advocate and filmmaker. Picture: Instagram/@click4caroline

Caroline said before their discovery, sex had been confusing because everyone around their knew what they did and didn’t like.

“For them, it was natural and they would talk about it openly,” they said.

“But for me it was very much repulsive. I didn’t know why I was the way I was and I felt out of place, like a fish out of water.”

Before their Google search, they had never heard of asexuality before except for how it related to science and how plants reproduced.

“The first person I came out to was the internet. I’m from a really religious background and before I even thought about telling my family that I was asexual, I kind of put my faith and trust in the asexual community as a way of finding out more from people I trusted so I felt comfortable enough to come out,” they said.

The reaction from the asexual community was positive, with Caroline describing it as “beautiful” and “welcoming”.

They discovered asexuality after a bad date. Picture: Instagram/@click4caroline

Caroline grew up in the church between the ages of six and 20, with sex constantly talked about as a “sin” – particularly outside of marriage.

Often talks in their youth group were around conversations of abstinence, or witnessing women pregnant out of wedlock being cast out.

They called it a “toxic environment” to grow up in that prevented any experimentation, which Caroline believes would of helped their discover their sexuality sooner.

“A lot of the time when I was growing up, I thought; ‘I’m not experiencing this attraction like everyone else is. I must be just a really good Christian’,” they said.

“For a long time I thought that was why, but when I came out of the church at age 20, I realised that no, this isn’t religion. This is something only affecting me. I thought it was normal but it’s a sexuality.”

Caroline said if sex wasn’t talked about while they were growing up, then the LGBTQIA+ community was something completely steered clear of because their parents were not understanding of it.

When Caroline did come out to their family, they initially told them in a group chat they were bisexual because they were not attracted to men so believed they must be attracted to women,

“It was awkward. I was too terrified to come out to them in person. It was the kind of thing that was swept under the carpet,” they said.

“Then I came out as asexual and it was an easier pill for them to swallow. But they’re coming around, which is really nice. My sister sent me a photo of pants they saw that were asexual flag colours. they said they wanted to send them to me. It was bittersweet to finally get that acceptance.

Caroline said discovering who they were made dating easier, because they knew their boundaries, but more difficult at the same time as they never knew how someone would react to their sexuality.

“I know my boundaries when it comes to dating and I am able to communicate that with people,” they said.

“I’m finding myself on more of the aromantic spectrum, meaning I don’t experience romantic attraction, so dating for me is hanging out with my friends.”

They typically tell people before they begin dating because they said they are less likely to have a negative reaction.

Cruel comments they have received since being open with their sexuality include “you’re inexperienced”, that they are “lying because no one wants to have sex with you” or “sex with me will cure you”.

“A lot of it is based on someone’s lack of understanding that [a lack of sexual desire is] completely normal and a lot of people experience it,” they said.

Now they triy to advocate for asexuality representation. Picture: Instagram/@click4caroline

“Luckily I’ve got a really thick skin, but it is hard when you’re just being you and you’re trying to let someone know who you are and they reject that.”

Caroline said there are a lot of misconceptions when it comes to asexuality, with many assuming it means celibacy but many have sex lives.

“There are people on the asexual spectrum who have a high libido, so their arousal is there, but the sexual attraction isn’t,” they said.

“My advice to people who are recently coming out as asexual is ‘don’t worry, it takes time and you don’t have to get it right the first time around’. When I first came out as asexual I think I went through like a million different labels because I wasn’t entirely sure who I was yet.”

Now, they work as a filmmaker and activist to try and raise awareness of asexuality.

Originally published as Bad date that led filmmaker, 28, discover their true sexuality