10 reasons to dump your toxic 'friends'

FRENEMIES - friends that are in fact your enemies - could be among you and you don't even know it. Our guide will help you separate the good from the bad.

Back Off: It takes courage but confronting your frenemies will free your mind. Picture: Thinkstock

IF someone said you had a frenemy would you believe them?

Frenemies are people that claim to be your friends but say and do things that you would expect from an enemy.

Separating the good from the bad is vital in preserving your sanity.

Unsure and confused, don't despair. We've got 10 very nasty real-life scenarios experienced by others to help you along the way.

Tell us about your experiences with toxic friends in the comments field below

But before you delve into the reasons, we put them to Relationships Australia counsellor Kylie Dunjey and asked can frenemies be changed?

The response was refreshing and insightful.

"At first I would have said start with asking is it a one-off and if it is let's be balanced and allow for people to make mistakes and exercise forgiveness. If it happens a couple of times let's see how we communicate around this,'' Ms Dunjey said.

News_Image_File: Clueless: Once signs of enemy behaviour arise, ask yourself, is this relationship really worth it?

"But when I stood back it had me asking a different question: rather than focusing on the friend and what the friend is doing wrong, maybe you have to ask yourself why am I still friends with somebody that is treating me like this? You are then shifting the problem to yourself, you are only part of the problem in that you can make a change.''

Breaking away from unhealthy relationships is especially more difficult for women than men, Ms Dunjey has found.

Men are more likely to "shrug off a lot'' but women tend to agonise more over confrontations.

"I think sometimes men are less complicated when it comes to very direct conversations - they just say it as it is and guys take it as it is.

"Women generally don't want to hurt others' feelings and we end up hurting our own. The idea of people pleasing seems to be more prevalent among females, we don't really want to create an awkward hostile situation so we keep putting up but we are not doing a good job really because the resentment builds and builds.''

At the end of the day, you've got to know when to hold them and when to fold them. Otherwise you risk a life of unhappiness.

"What you should be asking is, 'is the friendship really a healthy wonderful friendship to lose?'. If this is going to keep going I'm not sure that I can stay in this relationship being treated this way.''

News_Image_File: Confrontation: Men are less complicated when it comes to direct conversations.

Still not sure if your friends are in fact your frenemies? We've got 10 reasons to help guide you along the way.

CONDESCENDING: "So, are you still with that guy?'' THAT GUY. You mean my boyfriend of six months who has a name and is HUMAN. YES he really exists. These sorts will pluck the most ridiculous comments to patronise you. Or worse, they'll ask about an ex or someone you don't like in front of others to put you into an awkward situation.

JEALOUS: They look you up and down when you walk into a room and say things to put you down in front of others. It could be a comment about your looks ("you are so skinny'') or your job ("that would bore me'') or they insist there is something wrong with you when you are perfectly fine (Are you OK? Are you sure you are OK? You don't look fine).

News_Image_File: Mean Girls: Dumping your so-called 'friends' takes courage but it will free your mind and allow you to make new real friends.

RUDE: You spend two hours at dinner listening to them talking about themselves and they don't once show any interest in you. My life is fabulous, thanks for asking, I've never been happier.

UNRELIABLE: They say they'll meet you for dinner at 7pm and don't show up for at least another hour. No phone call, no text and when they arrive - no apology. You may even get the "I reserve the right to be a b----h every day'' line. And then of course there is the occasion when they just don't show up at all.

PRETENTIOUS: "Step into my world''. Er, no, you step into the REAL WORLD. No the world does not revolve around you "babe'', so wake up because you will end up living a very lonely and miserable life.

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MANIPULATIVE: The 'friend' that likes to take but gives back nothing. You know the type, they'll call you when they need help getting publicity or tickets to a show (for free of course) but ... well that's it. A call of best wishes on your birthday - yeah right! After all, there is nothing in it for them. Manipulative people will also badmouth you behind your back and then turn to you when they have nobody else to hang with. If they do it to you they'll do it to others.

AGGRESSIVE: You miscommunicate in an email. You thought you had RSVPd to a birthday invitation, they insist you didn't. Rather than clear the air you get blasted - in PUBLIC - and they see nothing wrong with that. The next day they email you asking if you can be their referee ... yeah sure, no problem, I'll make sure you get that job ...

News_Image_File: Break away: Women tend to agonise more over confrontations than men.

INSECURE: They accuse you of "dumping'' them if you find a partner because they are single and have limited, if any, friends. They start sending you job alerts because you work shifts in your current job and don't have as much time for them anymore - even though you just started a NEW JOB and are content in it. Email: "I saw this and thought it would be great for you''. Insecure people are unhappy people and that's a recipe for trouble.

DESPERATE: They can't find a partner so they decide they'll take a chance on yours instead. They show up to your fiance's work and are like "Oh, I didn't know you work here''. Oh, but you do! Or they refuse to contact you but happily strike up a conversation in the street with your partner (coincidentally near their work - again) - even going so far as to greet them with a hug and kiss and to ask all about your plans but not a mention of you, their friend.

DISHONEST: They get caught out backstabbing another individual. When that individual confronts them about it they claim there must be a mistake and attribute the badmouthing to you. Or you decide to immediately respond to a touchy issue raised in a text with a call. They pick up and respond with 'I can't talk, I'm driving!' - even though they just texted you while driving.

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