My ex called demanding my inheritance as soon as the funeral was over

"I'd just watched the cremation when the phone rang. I answered because I stupidly thought he cared."  

My ex-husband is the type of person who owes hundreds of thousands of dollars in child support, so I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when he called to demand a share of my inheritance - just after I'd witnessed my beloved dad's cremation.

I only answered his call because we share a child and that makes us family.

(Yes, I'm a fool.)

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We'd divorced years earlier, and never did a formal financial settlement. I didn't push for one because he simply gave me full custody without a struggle, so I had no plans to rock the boat. 

He'd have punished me through our kid if I'd wanted money.

But as his financial situation worsened over the years, because my hard-working parents had supported him in his failing businesses when we were married, he decided he wanted money from me.

I would get texts like, "Send me $200 for rent," and "I'm $1k behind on my car payment."

This from a man who wouldn't support his son, even in the form of shared care.

Usually the texts gave me a chuckle, and I'd share them with my family for entertainment.

But there was nothing to laugh about when I accepted his call at my dad's funeral. 

Image: iStock

"I need money from your dad's estate"

"When are you getting money from your dad's estate?" he asked, straight to the point.

I should have known better, but I was so disappointed in him. For a second, I thought he might have cared about the sudden death of his son's grandfather.

"I don't know," I stuttered, realising my father's will and what I might get had not even crossed my mind; not even one single time.

"Well you must be getting something," my ex continued, "and I need some of it because I'm really struggling here."

But he wasn't struggling. He was just using me, again.

I was an ATM

During our marriage, there was a lot of coercive control. I look back now and see there was a lot of pressure put on me to ask my folks for money whenever my husband said his business needed a cash injection.

My parents only had money because they wanted so badly to give their kids everything they never had - so they never stopped working. They slogged their guts out.

And because they loved me and never wanted me to struggle - or disappoint my husband - they always helped. 

Of course, I should never have put my parents in that position. But I wasn't wise at the time. 

I only realised the consequences towards the end of my marriage, when I saw exactly what I was to my husband: an ATM.

That thought slapped me across the face again as I was standing outside the crematorium. And it made me angrier than ever, as I'd literally just said goodbye to my hero - the most devastating experience of my life.

After too many years, I finally said no to my ex husband - and ended the call.

Originally published as My ex called demanding my inheritance as soon as the funeral was over