'Set the bar higher': The new Mother's Day rule women are demanding

“So you missed the part where I said how much I wanted diamonds or even a day off?” 

One year, my step-dad thought he had stumbled upon the most utterly perfect Mother’s Day gift.

He wasn’t known for his gift-giving abilities, often racing to the shops the day before and grabbing the first thing he could find. 

But on this Mother’s Day, when my brother and I were still in primary school, my step-dad swore he had nailed it.

He had overheard a conversation my mum was having with her friend, where the friend was raving about a new slow cooker she had bought. According to him, my mum agreed that it would be very convenient and that it sounded like a good idea. 

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"He was shocked when mum wasn't delighted"

So, when the first Sunday in May arrived and my step-dad was more confident than ever in his gift, he was shocked when my mum didn’t share in his delight. 

I remember her face when she realised what it was - mostly confusion at what had inspired this choice. When my step-dad recounted this conversation my mum joked, “So you missed the part where I said how much I wanted diamonds or even a day off?”

My mum was firmly of the view: if it’s something that’s involved with helping or serving other people, it’s not a gift to her. 

And, it seems she was not alone. 

In a video now being widely shared on TikTok, a woman, Jess, is sharing her own mum’s rule for Mother’s Day presents. 

“If [the gift is] something to clean, decorate, to keep maintenance in the house - it is not a Mother’s Day gift. It is a family gift,” she explained. 

“A Mother’s Day gift is thinking specifically of the mother and what she would like. It’s not just another thing for the home that we’re disguising as a gift.”

@heyjessmolina

We set the standards, mamas. #mothersday #mothersdaygift #mothersdaygiftideas

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Jess said that since becoming a mum herself, the rule is resonating more than ever. 

Speaking to TODAY, the 38-year-old said she was inspired to post the video, after reading an article where women discussed what they wanted from their families. 

“Right away, I noticed women asking for household items, like ‘Oh, I really want this new Dyson vacuum or the Le Creuset pan,’” she said. 

“I thought, ladies, we need to set the bar higher. We need to have higher standards. This holiday is about recognising the effort we put in all year long. We deserve to ask for things that are specifically meant for us.”

In the comments of the TikTok, other women were quick to jump on and celebrate her approach. 

One user wrote, “‘Family gifts’ sound like they are eligible for year round purchases and shouldn’t be left for holiday gifts.”

“Love this rule, I don’t even want gifts, I honestly love some time to myself, recharge,” another added. 

Image: @heyjoessmolina/TikTok

However, a number of mums also posted that they liked choosing their own gifts - including things that they used around the house. 

“Kinda disagree. If it makes my life easier I want it. I got a steam cleaner and I loved it,” a different woman posted. 

In a follow-up video responding to people who criticised her opinion, Jess explained more of her mum’s reasoning. She said she grew up in an immigrant family and lived off the “bare necessities”. When they got the opportunities later in life to be gifted flowers or jewellery, they jumped at the chance. 

Ultimately, Jess encouraged mums to do what was right for them, but put one final question back to her followers:

“Can you get a vacuum for Father’s Day?”

Originally published as 'Set the bar higher': The new Mother's Day rule women are demanding