OPINION: Dear parents, please stop telling me having kids sucks

"Maybe you hear my excitement about wanting kids and you want to dispel any naivety you think I might have... But it’s not your job to ‘warn’ me about the facts of parenting."

Eleanor Katelaris

3 min read

June 19, 2024 - 7:05PM

Parenting

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Dear parents,

Can you kindly please stop telling me how much parenting sucks?

As someone who is 28, happily engaged and wanting kids, it’s not only annoying to hear about how much of a burden your little ones are… it’s disheartening.

I’m usually pretty strong-willed when it comes to knowing what I want and for as long as I remember, I’ve always dreamed of having my own family.

However, in recent years, little flickers of doubt have crept into my child-rearing dreams via concerned parents and their flyaway remarks.

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"Why would you want that?"

The conversations usually go a little something like this:

I might say any of the following things: “Oh, I can’t wait to have kids / kids are the best / I love kids / babies are so cute / I want a baby / I can’t wait to hang out with my future babies / Do you just stare at your baby all day? / I can’t wait to name my kid Cyprus and their nickname will be Cy or maybe I'll name them Wylde!”

You can tell I'm clucky, right?

And then they go:

“Firstly, Cyprus is a stupid name, don’t do that.”

And then: “Don’t have kids.”

Well, they don’t explicitly say that - but they don’t need to.

Everything they do say tells me exactly that.

“Oh, I’d hold off on that for as long as you can if I were you.”

“I wouldn’t be in a rush.”

“Your life as you know it will be over.”

“They’re so expensive.”

“Kiss goodbye to sleep/freedom/socialising/sex/basically every joy you have in life.”

Sometimes, they just roll their eyes.

Point taken.

I'm not naive, I'm just excited

I know that these parents are probably well-meaning, and they probably miss the independence of their former lives.

But I wish that they thought a little bit more about the impact of perpetuating this ‘parenting-sucks’ rhetoric on people who want kids.

I know that a healthy dose of realism is good... you need to know what you’re getting into. But if that’s all I hear about, then you might actually succeed in turning me off even trying for a family.

Maybe your comments do actually have the best intentions. Maybe you hear my excitement about wanting kids and you want to dispel any naivety you think I might have about the hard reality.

But just because I’m excited about parenting doesn’t mean I’m naive.

I am under no illusion that kids are a bundle of joy 100% of the time.

I want to see more parenting joy

The realities of parenting are all around me. From working at a parenting publication with working mums, to seeing relatives and friends trying to juggle it all too.

Even watching my parents raise me, with my mum having to step back from working full time and leave her career dreams unrealised so that she could look after my sisters and me.

I am under no impression that parenting is a walk in the park and it comes without consequences and sacrifices.

I know that it’s going to be full of challenges and inconveniences - and don’t even get me started on the mental load. I’m well aware of how much parents, especially women, typically take on when it comes to managing... everything.

So, with all that in mind, it’s not your job to ‘warn’ me about the realities of parenting. It’s almost a given at this point.

I just want to hear a little bit more about how happy your little ones make you.

I want to see a little bit more parenting joy.

I want to know about the moments that make you think, this is why I did it.

Please tell me these things.

Let me have this blissful, child-free calm before the storm.

Help me believe that having kids will be the best decision of my life.

Or if you can’t do that, can you just lie to me a little bit?

This article was originally published in November 2022 and was updated in June 2024.