'Dodged a bullet': An ex school dad friend is now doing time for child abuse

"I think back to when my son had playdates there, and it makes my stomach churn," the Sydney mum shares exclusively with Kidspot. Please note: sensitive content

The first time I met Todd*, he asked a group of us at a class parents' drinks: "What's the alcohol you can never touch again because one time you went too far with it?"

We all had a chuckle, and saw it as a 'bonding' question for some of us with kids in the same class.

I thought instantly: Todd is a 'party' dad - the kind who loves to socialise with the other parents, and have a good time whenever he was off-duty from his high-pressure job.

But I never dreamed of the depths of depravity to which Todd would regularly go to have a 'good time'.

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We couldn't believe the headline news

I'll admit, Todd's wife, whom I'd come to know through playdates and birthday parties over a few years, did a great job of hiding what was happening at home leading up to the headline news that blindsided us all.

We'd see her at school, but none of us knew until then that their house had been raided, all (including the kids') electronics confiscated, and that Todd had been suspended from his job.

Technically, as the media wrote, it was 'child abuse material'. Thousands of images on his phone and laptop. Messages with an international group about fantasies, and how one could meet children.

It was noted that in the material they all looked terrified, distressed, and were being thoroughly, undeniably, violently exploited.

Image: iStock

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"Did his wife know?"

It was impossible for parents to not discuss the case.

The school community of course was rife with speculation: Did his wife know, if so why was she staying? These were questions being asked by many as we were all completely stunned by the news.

I felt so much for the wife. I wanted to reach out to her, even just text, "Are you ok?" 

But something stopped me. An instinct. 

Their child who was in the same class as my kid disappeared from school immediately. The family's various social media accounts were deleted. It was clear they didn't want to be contacted... and I didn't want to appear to be seeking gossip.

But the empath in me knew she must have been suffering in her marriage, with her children - even her decisions and reputation were at stake.

Todd is a criminal. Todd is a paedophile.

Todd was sentenced to years in prison, despite his clean record and the best legal representation money could buy. That demonstrated how significant and serious his actions had been.

I spent a lot of time thinking of the fun moments we all had shared. It made me feel sick to my stomach thinking of the casual nature of our conversations over the years, when this is how he had been spending his spare time.

Yes, he was just a dad of one of the students in my kid's class. But I guess I had made an effort to socialise, thinking these would be the adults I'd be sharing my parenting journey with over the next decade.

Now I want to forget I ever smiled at him, or accepted a drink he'd poured, or even shared some of my hopes for my child.

I'm angry with myself for missing any signs - but then again, he put a lot of effort into hiding his true self. 

I'm absolutely disgusted and outraged that while he looked like a great dad, he was literally destroying the lives of thousands of children by participating in abuse groups.

And yes, there is of course a part of me that will always wonder if he ever hurt his own children.

I'll never trust like this again

There is so much I don't know about the situation, and will never really know. I hope very much that the family has recovered somewhat, and that the abused children have been rescued.

I guess in a way I should thank Todd, because I'll never trust implicitly again. I was a fool to think he was safe just because he seemed like a 'good bloke' and dad.

That's how he got away with his crimes for so long; and I will try my hardest to never let any child down like that in the future.

*Names have been changed for privacy reasons.

Originally published as 'Dodged a bullet': An ex school dad friend is now doing time for child abuse