'Not meant to be': The sad reality of baby name mourning

"It's an aspect of grieving I didn't expect - grieving the name as well."

2 min read

July 8, 2024 - 1:59PM

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A woman has coined a phrase to describe the grief people can feel when they, for whatever reason, can't use the baby name they selected.

Baby name consultant, Whatsinababyname's Taylor Humphrey, says that letting go of baby name you thought you'd use can be a challenge - and it's common for it to be a source of sadness.

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"The name that got away"

“Baby name mourning is the process of grieving ‘the name that got away,’” Humphrey told HuffPost. “There are many parents who feel really sad that they couldn’t use their favorite name for their child.”

But it wasn’t until Humphrey posted an Instagram video about baby name mourning that she saw how real this issue was to so many silently mourning.

In the clip, she enacts how feelings and circumstances can change over time, and writes in the caption:

"Baby Name MOURNING: The grief of not being able to use the name you love.

•Sometimes a family member or bestie gets to use your favorite name(s) first;

•Sometimes you were hoping to use a special name, but decided not to have any more children;

•Sometimes the name(s) you loved when you were 18 just don’t really fit your current family values, lifestyle, and aspirations;

•Sometimes you the name(s) you love remind you of your ex."

Humphrey adds, "The names we love represent more than just a name; They represent everything we believe about the world, and how we envision our future unfolding! As we grieve, we create space for new favorite names to come in.

"We even allow ourselves to imagine a new future: one that may not have the certainty or familiarity of names we’ve loved for years, but one that may ultimately be more aligned with who we’ve become."

Image: TikTok

"I didn't expect to grieve the name"

The post resonated with hundreds who shared their person experiences of baby name mourning.

Amongst the tales of baby name 'stealing' and reminders of exes, some were 'lighter', such as this story: "When I was younger I picked the names Christian for a boy and Anastasia for a girl. Then 50 Shades of Gray came out and I knew I couldn’t name them those."

And many where hope turned into tragedy: "Or you have the a stillbirth, the name already chosen and that name that was so special…The meaning so perfect… is lost along with that precious life. It is an aspect of grieving that I didn’t expect ... grieving the name as well."

This mum shared that she had three boys, so never got to honour her grandmother: "Wanted to name my daughter after my lovely grandmother, but I got three boys. Not meant to be I guess, still a bit sad about it."

And some admitted to mourning a name because they never had children: "I picked baby names out as a teen and have ended up in a happy marriage where we’ve decided to be child free. I mourn the opportunity to honor the grandparents whose names would have been passed on."