My son didn’t get a present at his joint party but the other birthday boy did

"Having a joint party is sh*tty behaviour. You can't demand presents and certainly not host half a party and want two gifts," one critic slammed the mum.

Eleanor Katelaris

2 min read

December 13, 2023 - 1:57PM

Primary School

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Few things are as nuanced and emotionally charged as the politics of children's birthday parties.

In a recent Mumsnet post, a dilemma unfolded about exactly this, but there was an extra layer — the birthday party in question was a joint birthday party.

Basically, the mum in question thinks her kid got snubbed in the present department.

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Image: IStock

"Should I ask why they left my child out?

Two kids, one party. Efficiency at its best, right? Well for this mum, @Loubell80, she couldn't foresee the drama that this would cause.

She took to the forum to explain how her son had a party with another boy in his class and one received a present, while the other - her son - didn't.

The mum wrote, "My son didn’t get a card or present at his joint bday party, but the other kid did. Should I say something? I watched one of the parents give a card to my son’s friend, but my son didn’t get anything. He watched this happen, and my heart broke for him!"

She added, "I’m so upset about it! Why give one child a card, but not the other? They are all friends from the same class, and it was made clear it was a joint birthday party! Every other parent gave both kids presents, but this particular parent only gave to one child."

She added, "I can’t stop thinking about it, it's just so cruel if they did it on purpose. Just because they may not like me, they can definitely afford two cards. This family have money, it’s not like they can’t afford two gifts. What should I do? Stay quiet or ask why they left my child out?"

"I’d imagine their kid is more friendly with the other boy than yours"

As with any good Mumsnet post, the comments section lit up with a range of perspectives.

However, most mums suggested just dropping it.

"It’s out of order of them," one acknowledged, but advised, "Maybe I would let it go for a peaceful life."

Another echoed this sentiment and suggested focusing on the positive: "Your son has got lots of other lovely presents? Celebrate the good."

Others pointed out the awkward dynamics of joint parties. "I’d imagine their kid is more friendly with the other boy than yours. So, despite it being pitched as a 'joint' party, they gave the present to the one their kid is friends with. That’s often how 'joint' parties are assumed to work: the party parents are reducing their effort and their costs by combining resources to throw a single party, and inviting each child’s friends.

"I can’t imagine marching up to anybody in any situation and demanding to know where my present was, and I very much doubt doing so is going to result in a) a present for your kid, b) a better relationship between you and the other parents, or c) a nice atmosphere for the children involved."

And then another commenter agreed, saying: "Wow, two gifts per guest! Around here the etiquette is that each child invites half the guests and each guest brings one present for the child who invited them."

Finally, this person took a more critical approach: "Having a joint party is sh*tty behaviour. You can't demand presents and certainly not host half a party and want two gifts."