My sister betrayed me after I moved across the country for her to be my village

"The kids are asking 'why are our cousins too busy for us' and I am running out of excuses."

I moved across the country so my kids could grow up with their cousins - just to have my sister betray me. 

And now my kids are suffering.

From one heartbroken Mumma. Where are all the villages at? 

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How are we expected to do this alone?

It feels like almost everyday I go online and am reminded how important it is to have that ‘Village’ around you when you have children.

We all know the saying “it takes a village to raise a child”.  And honestly - it’s so true. How are we expected to do this alone?

I never had support while my kids were babies, and so when the opportunity came up for us to move across the country to be closer to my sister and her kids (who are the same age as mine) - of course we took it! 

I quite literally moved across the country hoping to finally get my ‘village’. 

A few short months of living close to each other proved it was the right decision.  The kids were all best friends and we had weekly sleepovers. I remember thinking, is this too good to be true? Watching my kids grow up with their cousins was a dream. 

Now looking back, I am having regrets. I’m now watching my kids have their hearts broken as my relationship with my sister has completely crumbled. 

Why? Because my sister has chosen her husband over us.  

The kids were sharing everything. Image: Supplied

It all came crumbling down

The funny thing is, we had decided my move, together.

I spoke with my sister on FaceTime almost daily, and our kids loved each other but unfortunately we were living hours away from each other. 

And so after COVID, I took a long hard look at my life and started to wonder what is life all about? What am I going to look back and wish I had done in 20 years time?

The only thing that I couldn't get out of my head was raising my kids near family. And so with much excitement we sold our house, said goodbye to our jobs, friends and moved across the country. 

The first few months living near each other were a dream come true. To finally have this family village I had longed for. People we could trust and rely upon at any given moment. Family to help us raise our children. Our kids had their cousins as permanent best friends. 

Unfortunately this all came crumbling down when my sister's husband started to lie to me, my sister, and purposely drive a wedge between us.

Looking back now, I should have seen the signs early on. It was all the small things he would be telling my sister, the narcissist comments he made. His absence at all family events. His almost ‘over-the-top’ and pretend ‘friendly’ nature. 

He would make some really inappropriate sexual comments towards me, make me feel extremely uncomfortable and then completely lie about it to my sister when I tried to bring it up. 

Bit by bit, he has come between my sister and I. And now, she has chosen to believe him and has driven me and my kids away. 

Is the village a fairytale?

Is there really anyone that can totally and utterly trust their family? Does this village exist anywhere or is it a complete fairytale? Have we made the worst mistake moving our kids across the country in hope to find that support - all to have it crumbling down in the end?

I feel betrayed but at the same time I feel like I have let my kids down. They have stated asking “why are our cousins too busy for us” and “they aren't busy for other people” and I am running out of excuses. 

I feel like I've fallen for the age old “grass is always greener” and now we are stuck in an awful situation. 

How many times is too many times to move our kids? Do we just push through this and accept that no matter where we go in life, people are going to betray us whether they are family or not? Can someone point us to the light at the end of the tunnel or give some real life advice on how to find the right people in your life? 

All while trying to juggle being a working Mum, and figuring trying to figure out this wild journey, alone. 

Originally published as My sister betrayed me after I moved across the country for her to be my village