My secret to having the best postpartum experience - even with older kids

"It took me three kids to discover the trick to being happiest in the newborn trenches - and it needs to be top of every pregnant woman's 'gift list.'

I was just 38 weeks pregnant when I checked the 'baby drawer' and saw just five little onesies for when they arrived. Good. 

Aside from the car seat and pram, I had put little thought into baby gear.

This was the plan - this was deliberate.

Third time around I was going to be selfish. My focus wasn’t on the baby, it was on me. 

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Image: Supplied

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My first postpartum shocked me 

For my first two births, I took on motherhood mostly on my own, with a naïve attitude, not worrying about finding space to recover. 

Aside from pads and nipple cream, I barely put a thought into how my body and mind would bend and break because of labour. 

The need for ice packs everywhere, six weeks of bleeding, stitches and swelling, hair loss, and hectic mood swings. The unexplained tears and sleep deprivation that settled into bones. 

Throw in pressure to get outside and smile, and act like your baby doesn’t wake nine times at night - it’s no wonder there is little room to think about rest.

But rest is what I needed, and I had no idea at that time.

It took me two pregnancies, postpartum anxiety, depletion, and pelvic floor issues, to realise, ‘oh my body needs intense care after having a baby’. 

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I stayed in bed for days

Third time around, the ‘martyr mum’ belief was in the bin. Self-care was my new medicine. 

I said no to visitors, cooking and pressure to ‘bounce back’. 

Hours after my son arrived, I disappeared into an undisturbed bubble for weeks. 

I was horizontal as much as possible, held my newborn and sniffed his perfect head for days.

I was fed by others and didn’t leave the house, allowing my insides to heal without rushing. 

This time I knew better, but I couldn’t do it alone, so I asked for help - without a shred of guilt.

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I found a postpartum doula

With no family nearby, I had to find a village, and that’s how I discovered postpartum doulas - a service I didn’t know existed but must be at the top of every pregnant woman’s gift list. 

(If you think you can’t afford one, ask friends and family to chip in, or forgo the millions of baby products that are way overpriced and unnecessary.)

A postpartum doula’s job is to hold mum, instead of the baby. 

They are trained to know the changes a mother goes through, can help with nutrition, chores and recovery. They offer lactation care, and a shoulder for fears and tears that come up in postpartum.

Image: Supplied

I wasn’t afraid to ask for help this time 

With my husband taking over every need of our older kids, I wanted someone to help with food, and be an emotional support, and I found doula and massage therapist, Keturah, who was a Godsend. 

Approaching my due date, she visited with a food hamper to prep my body for birth and set up a massage table in my lounge room. A second delivery of food came days after birth.

Keturah’s soups, pies and broths were packed with nutrients for recovery, and her snacks satisfied the insatiable breastfeeding hunger. 

Weeks later, she came to back massage me, listen to me vent, and do gentle belly binding to help the healing process.

Six years ago, you could not have paid me to leave my newborn for a massage or lay in bed for days– but it’s exactly what every new mum needs.

Postpartum stays with you forever 

In Australia, up to one in five women are affected by perinatal depression or anxiety. 

Having adequate postpartum support has been proven to reduce a mother’s likelihood of anxiety and mood disorders, overwhelm and exhaustion, postpartum depletion and insomnia. 

It’s also been shown to enhance breastfeeding goals.

Dr Oscar Serrallach, author of The Post Natal Depletion Cure, believes nearly half of women will experience postnatal depletion - 'a syndrome of accumulated issues including deep fatigue, hyper-vigilance and a feeling of being overwhelmed’- in the first seven years of motherhood. 

Image: Supplied

My healthiest postpartum 

My first time planning my postpartum, equaled my best fourth trimester, by far. 

I had my most enjoyable birth, no haemorrhaging, no stitches. I felt euphoric - not weak and broken. 

In the days that followed, I enjoyed my baby, I felt calm, I wasn’t overwhelmed.

It was the first time my blood work came back normal at my six-week check-up, I wasn’t bordering anaemic, I didn’t get anxiety, I was tired, but I wasn’t depleted. 

I know that prioritising rest, and having a doula to encourage that, helped me heal without stress. 

Australia is behind; other cultures honour the new mother 

It’s Keturah’s, and many others in the field, belief that if a mother isn’t cared for during postpartum, the effects can last a lifetime. 

In some parts of the world, postpartum is celebrated for 40 days – the time it takes for a woman’s uterus to contract, to establish milk supply and to heal from pregnancy and birth. 

“If she does not receive quality, dedicated postpartum care within the first year, her recovery may be hindered,” Keturah says.

“Many ancient cultures see postpartum care as normal and necessary, unlike the Western World who applaud mothers who ‘bounce back’ and quickly resume the life she had before.” 

“Postpartum planning sets you up for a more enjoyable, less chaotic, more nurtured postpartum.”

Fortunately, we are starting to see a shift in society’s attitude to new mums. 

"We need this level of care to be a normal after birth"

Earlier this year, a first-of-its kind recovery space for postpartum mothers opened in Melbourne, with around-the-clock support from specialists in breastfeeding, baby care and nutrition. 

Homb has been the dream of founder Larissa Leone’s for 11 years, after she suffered postnatal depression.

“It was a life-changing experience that I didn’t understand at the time, but I suppose there is a silver lining to every experience and mine was Homb,” she tells Kidspot.

“We need this level of care to be a normal part of the transition after birth. For too long now, the statistics have been telling us that there is a serious problem around women’s mental health in the postnatal period, but the numbers seem to be getting worse.”

Originally published as My secret to having the best postpartum experience - even with older kids