My husband accused me of playing favourites with our kids

"He called me a bad mum, but he needs to take a good hard look at himself."

"I have two children, Layla (17) and Jacob (15)," a mum begins her post in an online parenting group.

"I want to clarify that I love them both equally and have always tried to make sure that none of my children felt like I had a favourite child."

Her husband (43), on the other hand, very clearly prefers their son.

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"He was very happy to have a daughter, and a really great dad to her, but it's clear that he gets along with Jacob more, mainly because they're both boys and enjoy the same things," she continued.

"They both love football and baseball, and often go see a match together, or spend weekends playing, or talking about it together etc.

"This became more important when Jacob got older and started getting into sports more. I get that it's easier for my husband to talk to our son about things they both love, but it's been making me sad to see our daughter excluded from their conversations or activities together."

Image: IStock

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"I always promised myself I wouldn't play favourites"

The poster says her husband doesn't do a whole lot with Layla. They sometimes watch movies together, but most of the time, it's either her husband and Jacob doing something just the two of them, or the four of them together.

For that reason, the mum said she recently decided to start doing things with her daughter, just the two of them, and in the past few months, they've gone to the movies, the shops, had a girls' night, went to a bowling alley, and done lots of other things.

"I can see that it makes my daughter happy, so I thought it was a great thing," the mum explained.

"My husband never complained about it, mainly because we mostly did this when the boys were doing something together.

"A week ago, there was an open-air projection of Tangled, which has been Layla's favourite movie since she was maybe six or seven, and I had planned on going for weeks. The problem is, my husband found out four days prior that he had to go away for work that same night."

He asked her to stay home and said that they could watch another movie together, the three of them.

But the mum said no because "this night was important to me and my daughter." Their son also said that he was completely fine staying home alone and would play video games with his friends.

"My husband didn't say anything, but I could tell it bothered him," she continued. "When he came back from his work trip, he got really mad at me and told me he 'couldn't believe we actually went and excluded Jacob' and that I was 'playing favourites' because I decided to have a night with only Layla.

"I told him about how he always spent time with Jacob and asked if he really couldn't tell how Layla was hurt by that.

"He said that I was being ridiculous and that it wasn't his fault Layla didn't share any of his interests. I told him that it was his role as a parent to try to connect with his child and he yelled at me telling me not to give him parenting lessons when I was a bad mother."

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"He will lose her"

In the comments, everyone unanimously supported the mum:

- "It's not even about playing favourites, even if you do everything equally, you're still supposed to have individual relationships with both kids. I'd ask him not to do anything with Jacob anymore unless Layla is doing something equal to their activity from now on. See if he catches up."

- "Your husband is a hypocrite. He yells at you and calls you a bad mother for excluding your son. But he's a bad father. He regularly excludes his daughter and never once thought he should connect with her. She has no relationship with him and never will because he doesn't value her. He doesn't see her as a priority because she's not a boy. He's going to lose her for good when she turns 18 if he doesn't stop excluding her."

- "It’s a good thing to treat your kids differently. They’re different people with different personalities, needs, wants, and preferences. Imagine how pissed your son would be to be dragged to an outdoor movie he doesn’t want to see because daddy wants to be fair."

- "You know your husband is only upset because you didn't exclude your daughter and prioritise your son. Since your husband couldn't while he's away. Sounds like your husband doesn't even like your daughter."

Originally published as My husband accused me of playing favourites with our kids