'My friend's grumpy husband ruined our group holiday ... I'm sick of him'

“All the other eight in the group feel the same, but they’re frightened to upset someone and break up the group. So we just continue to go out with one miserable git spoiling everything.”

Joel Erickson

3 min read

June 28, 2024 - 1:26PM

Family Life

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Margaret* loves going on summer holidays with her friendship group.

The five couples have all been friends for 30 years, and decided to escape the cooler weather for a group get together.

However, one of her friend’s husbands threatened to ruin the trip from the beginning.

“He was miserable,” Margaret said.

“He never took his long trousers and long sleeves off, even though it was 30 degrees.

“He kept himself separate from everyone else and never engaged with the group.”

The woman said her friend's husband spent the entire holiday miserable. Picture: iStock

"I'm done with him"

Margaret said the man “had a long face” during every meal, and at one point “lost his temper” at a waitress over seemingly nothing.

As a result, Margaret is now questioning her ongoing friendship with the couple.

“I’m done with him,” she said.

“In 30 years he has never asked about us, our children or anything we’ve done. We’ve talked to him, asked him about his hobbies, but he makes it plain with one-word answers that he’s not interested.

“When we go out as a foursome, he always puts my friend down in front of us.

“We’ve put up with it for 30 years, but no longer.”

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Now Margaret is faced with a dilemma: How does she extract herself from the ‘foursome’ without upsetting her “lovely” friend.

“I love my friend, and I feel sorry for her being so downtrodden by him,” she said.

“All the other eight in the group feel the same, but they’re frightened to upset someone and break up the group.

“So we just continue to go out with one miserable git spoiling the evening.”

“See your nice friend on your own!”

The woman asked MumsNet what they would do, and a lot of women said her situation was unfortunately not all that uncommon.

“I know so many scenarios like this,” one person wrote.

“All too often, the wife is defensive or knows fine well, but is hoping people won’t ostracise her husband as she’d feel obliged to side with him.

“I’ve known so many women who apologise for their husband’s boorish behaviour in advance. After decades, the assumption is that everyone has to be like her and adapt around him rather than the other way around.”

“I think there is no way around this but to be honest with your friend and let the cards fall where they may,” another person wrote.

“Yes, it’s sad she’s with this man, but he’s being incredibly rude. I’d be livid if my husband behaved like this, and would be having words about it never happening again.

“This is your money and your holiday and your annual leave - no way would I be spending it with someone who makes every moment miserable.

“There comes a point where you have to say enough is enough. She might not like it, but you’re allowed to.”

“I have a couple of lovely women friends who I see regularly for walks, coffee, lunches and days out,” another woman wrote.

“I occasionally have to tolerate their rather pompous/boring husbands, such as at weddings and such, but it just emphasises to me how important our single-sex outings are.

“See your nice friend on your own!”

"I'd probably just put up with the partner"

We put the question to some of Kidspot’s staff: Would you end a long friendship because you didn’t like the person’s partner?

“Not unless they have changed the person completely,” one person said. “I’ve distanced myself from friends because of partners, but I instead organise catch ups with only us.”

“Really depends on the situation, but in most cases no,” another person said.

“I’d probably just put up with the partner, but if there’s something seriously wrong, I’d rather help my friend out than stop being friends with them.”

“They are likely already feeling isolated, so if it was a real friendship, I wouldn’t abandon them,” another person agreed.

“There’s plenty of significant others I’m not exactly rooting for, but I don’t mind putting up with them occasionally,” another person said.

“But if my friend started treating me terribly due to their influence, then yes.”