My kid disinvited her mate from our holiday for the most disgusting reason

"She told me: I didn't work so hard for this vacation just for my photos to be ruined."

Body image and body shaming are an everyday yet tricky conversation for parents to have with their tweens and teens. So when a mother found out her own teen was bullying a friend about her appearance, she took action. Now, she wonders if she did the right thing. 

The mum shared that recently her 18-year-old daughter, Abby, had uninvited a friend from her birthday trip purely due to her body shape. 

For some context, she added that Abby had struggled with her weight for many years before she asked for help. The two set up a program where Abby was rewarded for every milestone she achieved.

"Four months ago, she asked that I put her rewards towards her birthday gift, and for her gift, she wants a vacation. I will pay for her and her friends instead of the huge party I had promised for her 18th. I said okay," the woman writes in her online post.

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Would someone please think of the vacay photos?

Her small gifts would now be traded for a more significant gift; a holiday for her and two friends.

The mum continued: "I called the other two girls' parents to confirm, and learned that Abby's best friend Betty now isn't going.  Abby uninvited her because 'she is too chubby to look good in pictures'.

"I calmly talked to Abby and told her how Betty would feel being left out for such a reason, and she went off with, 'I didn't work so hard for this vacation just for my pictures to be ruined'."

But what happened next appalled the mum even more.

"She tried to get Betty to talk to me and tell me she lied about being uninvited and that she (Betty) cancelled because she wasn't feeling well. When Betty said no, Abby sent a tonne of hateful texts and body-shaming insults I can't even write down. Betty sent me screenshots, so I cancelled the vacation."

Image: iStock

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"I should have put my daughter first"

The woman admitted that she wouldn't have cancelled if her daughter had apologised and taken responsibility.

"Abby [and her dad] think I'm an AH for cancelling the vacation, and my daughter is not talking to me. Some of my friends agree with my approach while others think I should have put my daughter first," she concluded in her post.

The post received over five thousand comments, overwhelmingly supporting the mother and applauding her decision to cancel the trip. 

Short and to the point, one commenter wrote, "Teaching your daughter to not be a horrible human being IS putting her first."

Another added, "Uninviting someone because you only want skinny people in your pictures is a disgusting attitude frankly. Sorry, I just can't find a nicer word for it. I agree with you that this needs to have consequences, and while I'm very much against breaking promises, I believe this is an exception.

"Like you said, your daughter knows what it feels like. She (but anyone really) should be supportive of friends wanting to lose weight if that is the case, and if it isn't, then she should mind her own business and body." 

This commenter had a great suggestion, writing, "I commend your strength and parenting skills. This was the right thing and would've been hard to do. Well done, you deserve to go on the holiday yourself."

Another popular comment that hundreds agreed with was, "It's lovely to hear a parent setting boundaries and giving their child (18 or not) an opportunity to correct their mistakes."

This story resonated with one commenter who wrote: "Speaking as someone who was bullied extremely harshly, there is nothing more frustrating than an enabling parent. It’s one thing to deal with someone mean your age, but another to have the parent of that bully gaslight you and condone the behaviour.

"You are right to do everything to shut that behaviour down, stick up for Betty, and make her feel heard...I am so grateful that my mum called me out then and continued to call me out as I continued to grow and make mistakes."

The mother was so moved she responded, saying, "Thank you for sharing this. I'm thinking of sharing this post with my daughter so she sees it from a perspective that isn't good parent vs bad parent."

Originally published as My kid disinvited her mate from our holiday for the most disgusting reason