Mum threatens adult child who won't help with young siblings

"What are you doing except for being pregnant? Again. Stop popping them out if you can't handle it," read a brutal response to her viral rant. 

It's generally agreed that being a mum isn't easy. Spare a thought however for the eldest kid in the family, because being a first-born often isn't easy on them, either.

Many eldest children with younger siblings will admit they've been pressured by a parent to help care for (not just babysit) subsequent kids, and the expectation can be quite a burden.

Although it's a natural expectation for a family to help each when they can, is there a boundary? Is there a limit?

One mum has discovered there is, and she's been bluntly called out for not realising it.

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"Babysit or move out"

The pregnant and frustrated mum-of-five wrote in an online advice group that she's had a falling out with her 21-year-old, who refused to help her mind her younger children - his siblings - when they were all on vacation together.

The mum in the post found herself in a situation where on vacation - which her husband pulled out of at the last minute for work - her 10-year-old twin girls Sophia and Lisa "cried A LOT", while 17-year-old Joshua tried to help with them and one-year-old Emily.

But Danny, 21, "stood doing nothing."

"Whatever we did, Danny was absent for it. Like for example, going to the beach, banana boats, Luaus, and watching his younger sisters when they just wanted to go to the pool, he'd stay in his room on his phone, chatting with his friends," the mum complained.

She became more frustrated with Danny, and blamed him for Joshua not enjoying the vacation.

"I hated having to put most of the work on Josh because he wanted to have fun too, and my daughters [were] helping with the baby," she wrote.

"I called him down to help, but he said he 'wanted to relax and chill.'

"We literally came here to relax, chill, and have FUN, though we weren't having lots of fun with less help, a crying baby, two 10-year-olds who wanted to go to the pool, and my other son who wanted to get away from his sisters for at least an hour. It was a mess."

While the mum was evidently exhausted and frustrated, she took it out on Danny.

Eventually, she told him: "If you can't step up and help the woman who gave birth to you, lets you live in her house rent free, while giving you a job, whose money you just spend on silly games instead of getting an apartment, then you can get out of my house and pay for your own stuff."

Image: iStock

"This is parentification"

The post attracted thousands of comments, many of which slammed the mum for "parentifying" her adult son.

Parentification is a modern term used to describe when a child is made to take on the role and responsibilities of an adult. 

This could be in the form of providing regular care for younger siblings in lieu of parental care (so, not just babysitting). It's also just any role handed to a child who doesn't have the ability or isn't of an appropriate age.

"It was your choice to give birth to five kids. Not Danny's," one commenter wrote. "What exactly are you doing in this story? Except for being pregnant. Again."

Another observed: "He's not your husband or the father of your kids. Stop popping them out if you can't handle so many. And I say this as a parent."

A third added, "It very much sounds like Danny was brought along against his will to 'co-parent' his younger siblings. Hence why he spends the whole trip in the hotel room talking to his friends."

The mum did have some support, though.

"Danny is an adult now. He's 21, so if he wants a free vacation with his family he better be prepared to pitch in and act like a member of said family," one wrote.

Originally published as Mum threatens adult child who won't help with young siblings