I'm pregnant and my stepkids keep risking my unborn baby's life

"I'm so stressed about what they're doing, but my husband says to deal with it."

A concerned first-time expectant mum has asked whether she is within her rights to be worried about how her stepkids are impacting her pregnancy.

According to the woman, who wrote into an online Advice Needed column, the children are in her home 50 percent of the time - and have been regularly unwell.

She feels that this poses an unacceptable risk to her unborn child.

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"I've tried to keep my distance"

The woman writes, "I am a first-time mum in my early second trimester and due in peak flu season.

"My partner has two kids who come and stay at the house 50 percent of the time. They are great girls but get sick VERY often. During my pregnancy, the girls have gotten sick and I’ve tried to keep my distance as well as clean a whole lot. But they got strep and as a result, I also got it.

"My worry is this will continue happening and get even worse when the newborn is here. I tried to bring this up to my partner and he just keeps saying it’s part of being a family.

"But I feel like he is not seeing the huge risk this will be to a baby. I feel like the logic should be we just keep them separate when sick. Can you help me find a plan or a way to explain my situation without sounding like a jerk to my partner?"

Image: iStock

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"Your partner is mostly right"

Parenting columnist Allison Price advises the mum-to-be:

"I think that for the most part, your partner is right—this is part of being a family." She adds that the woman needs some perspective.

"Plenty of babies are born with full-time siblings in their home and they remain perfectly healthy in the long run, despite seemingly endless cold seasons." She also reminds her that if/when the baby is in childcare, they will become the "Chief Infector" of the family - because this is what happens in homes.

The parenting expert encourages the woman to speak to her healthcare provider about at what point should she be concerned and/or act.

She finally adds, "Make sure you, your partner, your step-kids, and any other family members are vaccinated against the big illnesses (whooping cough, etc.) and get on the same page with the kids’ other parent about vaccines."

The stepmum is also encouraged to maintain hygiene standards in the home, as she has been doing, and keep some distance - things we're all accustomed to in this post-COVID world.

However, the expert also tries to manage expectations: "Keeping the kids away from your home every time they’re sick feels like it could very quickly become a logistical nightmare—and also cause some serious resentment across your blended family.

"These kids are just as important as your baby."

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"My kids shouldn't have to be quiet for my pregnant wife"

The story reminds us of the dad who was determined to allow his kids to behave as they want in their own home - even when his new wife gets a pregnancy-related headache.

He explains: "Kids are at home and wife has a headache, I’m working from home. Kids are doing what they normally do, playing.

"Wife texts me asking to keep them from making so much noise, I was in a meeting when she texted, so I didn’t actually look at it till an hour later.

"The way I see it is it’s the children’s home? They’re playing, what am I meant to say, 'my wife has a headache go read a book?' "

The top comment in response to his online post was:

"My wife has a headache go read a book? Yes, that's exactly what you should say."

Many agreed, with one writing, "My daughter is three, and when I have a headache, I say to her: honey, would you please quiet down, I have a headache. And then she calms down. So your kids should be able to do this too."

Another added, "It's almost as if that's how you teach children empathy."

And a third observed this very valid point: "I'm surprised it isn't part of the top comment, but he says by the way I see it it's the children's home. Does he not consider it his wife's home?"

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Originally published as I'm pregnant and my stepkids keep risking my unborn baby's life