‘If you’ve finished having children, you’re now a part of the village’

"You are now tasked with helping new parents. You are in charge of making meals for new parents and offering to clean houses..."

A mother has sparked a fierce debate online after suggesting that mums with older kids should become part of the village for other parents. 

Everyone knows the saying: “It takes a village to raise a child”, but as the years pass and the children grow older, and you decide to stop having kids, things change.

Lindsay, a mother-of-two from the US, has recently decided that she’s done with having kids, and as they grow, she realised things are a little less hands-off than she was used to. 

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“Congratulations, you’re now The Village”

“This video is for the parents who have decided they are completely done having children,” she started the clip.

“Maybe you or your partner have made that permanent decision and you are no longer having any more.”

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“You’re not pregnant, you’re not nursing, and all of your children are now fully potty trained,” she continued as she styled her hair. 

“You don’t have to carry around a diaper bag; you might even be completely out of car seats.

“You don’t have to help your children open their snacks anymore; they can do it by themselves,” she added. 

“If everything I’m describing sounds a lot like your life right now: congratulations, you’re now The Village,” she said. 

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While being a new parent means having a team of support around you, Lindsay argued that once you’ve reached these milestones, it’s your responsibility to share the load.

“You are now tasked with helping new parents,” she said. “You are in charge of making meals for new parents, for offering to clean houses, for offering to take the older kids to the park when somebody has a new baby.” 

And to those who said they never “had a village” to raise their child, therefore don’t think they should help others, Lindsey had this to say: “You didn’t have a village? How did that make you feel? 

“Did it feel lonely?” she continued. “Did it feel isolated? Did it make your postpartum depression worse?”

Lindsey explained that at a certain point in parenthood, things become far “easier” than in the “early stages of having babies”, as there’s less to “pack up” and prepare. Instead, parents can tell their children to “put their shoes on” and get out the door. 

“Do you remember not being able to do that?” she asked the audience. 

In an effort to help new parents, Lindsey suggested helping by offering to make dinner for someone who “has a baby” or is struggling with “three under three”. 

“They are going through something really difficult; they are going through grief,” she said. “Don’t say, ‘What can I do to help?’ Just say, ‘Hey, I can bring food over Tuesday or Friday; what day works better for you?’”

“Offer to help in a way that is actually helpful rather than putting the decision on them because their brain is fogged. They can’t make executive decisions right now.

“Make the decision for them,” she said. “Be the person that you needed when you were in that new motherhood era, and it was so incredibly difficult.”

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Lindsey told parents of older kids to become part of the village for new parents. Picture: lindseymariecolor_/TikTok

“It’s a no for me”

Perhaps surprisingly, following her heartfelt plea to other parents, Lindsey was met with a mixed bag of reactions. 

“I didn’t have a village, and that’s why I WANT to do this for my friends,” a person wrote.

 “No one helped me when I was in those stages, so I help as much as I can with my friends with littles,” said another. “My best friend is pregnant now and I cannot wait to be the village for her that I never had,” a woman chimed in. 

A fourth penned: “THANK YOU for this reminder! Here I am, just enjoying this stage of life… Gotta make a few calls!”

While some loved her message of supporting new parents, others thought the idea was absurd. 

“Nah I'm busier now,” one frustrated mother wrote. “It’s a no for me. I trust no one with me kids,” said another. 

“No, ma’am, I am not lol,” wrote a third. “I just survived that stage.”

“Girl - I’m still barely making it! I was better off when they were littler!” another parent laughed. “School ends - and it’s go time. Gymnastics, swim, horseback riding… homework, school events… there’s less free time now!”

Originally published as ‘If you’ve finished having children, you’re now a part of the village’