'I was so panicked during my daughter's birth my wife had to calm me down'

"I’d honestly feel sheepish announcing that to people given what it suggests about you," one person said about the new dad's labour performance.

Joel Erickson

3 min read

June 27, 2023 - 8:13PM

Woman gives birth without pain relief using hypnobirthing

Family Life

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A dad has copped some pointed feedback after revealing he was a wreck during the birth of his child.

The 30-year-old man took to online forum Reddit to share his story three weeks after his 28-year-old wife gave birth to their “perfect baby girl”.

“Now, my wife was an absolute champ during delivery,” the man wrote on Reddit.

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“I think she put up a good front for me as I was admittedly not much of a support system because I let my panic get the best of me.

“She was joking the whole time through pushes despite silently crying, and she kept saying encouraging things to me.

“(She told me) I was going to be a good dad, she’s (the baby) going to be so beautiful, (and) I can’t wait for you to see her.”

The man copped some criticism over his revelation he didn't cope during his wife's labour, but others jumped to his defence. Picture: iStock

"I'm so amazed by the woman she is"

The new dad said his wife was “sweet as pie” to everyone while he was on the edge of a nervous breakdown.

“She handled it so well considering, and I’m so amazed by the woman she is and her ability to remain so calm in that situation.”

Commenters on the forum were quick to jump down the dad’s throat, claiming he forced his wife to do “emotional labour” during her physical labour.

“The impression you’re giving off here is that your wife can’t even focus on herself because she felt the need - for whatever reason - to make you the emotional focus of her labour experience,” one woman wrote.

“I’d honestly feel sheepish announcing that to people given what it suggests about you.”

The man said his husband was "sweet as pie" to everyone in the room during her labour. Picture: iStock

"Your wife had to support you while she gave birth"

Another commenter claimed the man had failed at his “one job”.

“This story is pretty sad to me,” they wrote. “Several of my friends had similar experiences of having to support their husbands while giving birth because their husbands couldn’t handle the stress.

“Sure, it’s sweet you’re so proud and bragging about your wife being a champ after the fact, but it would have been better if you’d been a champ during labour.”

Another commenter claimed the man sounded “awful”.

“Your wife had to support you while she gave freaking birth,” they said.

“You shouldn’t be bragging, you should be embarrassed.”

The man readily admitted he wasn't able to support his wife during her labour due to panic getting the best of him. Picture: iStock

"He admits his panic got the better of him"

However, most commenters acknowledged the stress surrounding childbirth, and said the man was admitting a moment of weakness.

“He admits his panic got the better of him, he’s not bragging about it,” one commenter said.

“He’s a guy who admits he had trouble dealing with it in the moment, and he’s grateful for his wife for being able to do what she was able to do.”

Another commenter compared the man’s wife behaviour to the ‘chief mourner’ at a funeral who spends more time on the guests.

“You ever been to a funeral and the ‘chief mourner’ is focused on everybody else, making sure they have accommodations, food, whatever else?,” they said.

“That’s just how some people process and deal with things, it’s like taking your mind off your own pain/suffering.”

“You spoke with admiration about your wife, were honest with your shortcomings, and clearly did your best at the time,” another person commented.

Other commenters said panic attacks could happen at any time and couldn’t be controlled in most situations.