I lost my virginity to my best friend’s dad - I’m afraid to tell her the truth

"He is saying we can’t get too involved as there’s 20 years between us, but I already am involved, so it’s a bit late for that..." Warning: Contains sensitive content

Alexandra Feiam

4 min read

September 19, 2024 - 11:11AM

'My mum had an affair with my husband - they fell pregnant'

Family Life

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Warning: Contains sensitive content

The relationship between best friends Ava* and Jules* has almost lasted a lifetime; they’ve attended school together and grown up side-by-side.

But a secret that Jules has been holding to her chest for the last 11 months could spell disaster for the friends, ruining everything they’ve created together.

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Jules has been secretly seeing her friend's dad for nearly a year. Picture: iStock

“I think he’s trying to get rid of me”

See, Jules has been secretly dating Ava’s dad for 11 months - all behind her friend’s back.

“I’ve known him most of my life as he’s a friend’s dad,” the woman told Metro. “But our relationship has only become romantic since I left school last year.”

For nearly a year, Gary has been trying “to keep our affair secret” lest his daughter discover what he’d been doing.

“His view is that people would be judgemental if we were open, but he’s divorced, so we are not doing anything wrong,” Jules said.

She confessed that Ava’s dad was also her first physical romance.

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“I was a virgin until I had sex with him, so what we have together is very special to me,” she said. “He has taught me so much, not just about sex but about life in general, and boys of my own age seem like silly little children in comparison.”

There’s a 20-year age difference between Jules and Gary, and following their 11-month affair, the father has started to back off a bit.

“Now I think he’s trying to get rid of me,” she confessed. “He is saying we can’t get too involved as there’s 20 years between us, but I already am involved, so it’s a bit late for that.”

Despite her beliefs, Gary is still afraid that his daughter would be furious if she learned the truth - but Jules has the opposite feeling. “My friend lives with her mum, so knows nothing of this,” Jules wrote. “Although it might be a shock at first, I’m sure she would get used to the idea.”

It wasn’t like she was searching for a “father figure”, she explained. “My own parents are together and happy … I just want to be open about our love, and I want him to feel the way I do.”

“You must summon up the courage to walk away now”

Online, the general advice given to Jules was to recognise the serious issues with their relationship. It was time to open her eyes and realise this big, crazy love she had for her friend’s father wasn’t as amazing as she thought it was. It was quite the opposite.

“This man is your first serious love, so no wonder you feel so intensely about him,” the advice read. “But he doesn’t seem to feel the same way, and therein lies the problem.”

While most believed the 20-year age gap wasn’t a serious concern, the fact that Jules was a young girl when she met him, only to move onto a secret relationship years later, was an enormous red flag waving directly in her face.

“No doubt he has the superficial charm and confidence of an older man, and perhaps your sexual experiences have been wonderful, but dare I say, something feels a bit creepy about him,” the guidance continued.

“Lots of little girls grow into beautiful women, but surely most men would be responsible enough to steer clear of their daughter’s friends when they are barely out of school." In their eyes, Gary benefitted from having a minor "ego boost" by dating a "gorgeous young woman", but now he's having second thoughts.

At the end of the day, even though Jules is convinced she's “in love” with Gary, it is a far better idea for Jules to move on with her life.

“Hard though it is, you should let him, as he has realised it won’t work in the longer term, even if you can’t see it yet.” That’s not to say that a relationship with a hefty age gap is always a bad idea.

In reality, “many age-gap couples go on to have wonderful lives together; however, Jules was told to recognise that her heart would probably break ‘very soon” if he kept stringing her along.

“Don’t wait for that to happen,” they advised. “You must summon up the courage to walk away now.”

*Names have been changed