I left a note at his door about screaming kids; the response was shocking

"I couldn't believe my noise complaint had the opposite outcome to what I intended."

Oh, the joys of apartment living. 

From late parties to hearing way too much about the intimate lives of your neighbours, it really is a mixed bag of experiences.

But one person has vented to an online forum about a common occurrence most people just suck up - noisy kids.

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The single-dad  has three kids under four

Taking to the Am I The A**hole forum, the person asked: “AITA for leaving a note on my neighbour’s doorstep about his screaming children?”

He begins by explaining that he has lived in the same apartment building for about five years and has never had any noise issues. However, a new neighbour moved in a few units down about a year ago and he has three kids under four. 

“I have listened to his children scream/cry all day long, whether it be in his apartment or in the hallway,” the poster explains. 

“At first, I tried to ignore the behaviour as I felt bad (it appeared he was a newly single father and was struggling). However, as time went on, it became clear that he just straight up lets his kids behave however they want.

“For example, when they shriek at the top of their lungs in the hallway/right outside my door, he never says ‘Shhh, let’s be quiet’ or anything at all. He just lets it happen without a peep.

“Additionally, I have come to realise the frequency and the volume of the screaming/crying/shrieking is way beyond what is normal. I’d venture to say I hear anywhere from 10-15 full-on tantrums every single day, all of which are ear-piercingly loud. And he does not say or do anything about these tantrums.”

The OP now says they’re left “frustrated and annoyed” in their own home and can’t focus while WFH.  

“All I can hear are his children. Because of this, I wrote a note and left it on his doorstep. Essentially, my note said that I sympathised with him but the noise is out of control. I also stressed that I wanted to confront him directly first, rather than going straight to management.”

“AITA for leaving this note? Should I have handled it differently?” they conclude. 

Image: IStock

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"That's totally normal for kids under four"

One comment read: “YTA what do you think he’s going to do exactly with three children under four? Spend all day elsewhere so you can be comfortable? You live in a shared space - get earplugs.”

Then this person gave them a reality check, saying: “I lived in apartments 40 years ago. It sucks. Now you have ear plugs, earbuds and noise-cancelling headphones. You don’t know how good you have it compared to the olden days.”

“YTA - That’s totally normal for three children under the age of four,” read another comment.

But this person showed support to the OP, but encouraged them to have empathy for their neighbour.

They said: “Whether divorced or widowed, both circumstances come with the possibility of problematic outcomes, which seems to have happened.

“NTA, but walk a mile in his shoes. It has to suck, raising three children under the age of four alone. I'm not saying you did anything wrong. You didn't. But put on your empathy shoes and dig deep - this person has a seriously sh**ty situation and doesn't have the means or a handle on how to make things better.

“The kids are acting out over the loss of their mother, whether from death or divorce. The guy isn't coping well.”

An update: Second thoughts and a heated conversation in the hallway

After reading all the comments from their post, the OP re-thought their decision and quickly removed the note from their neighbour’s doorstep.

In a follow-up thread, they explained what happened next after they decided to be more patient.

“I decided to remove the note before my neighbour saw it. I took what some of you said into consideration.

“Well, today, his children screamed/shrieked four times within a one-hour period in the hallway. This was right by my door about two feet away from my apartment. The fourth time it happened, I opened my door and said, 'Please don’t scream in the hallway, guys!'

“Once I said this, he told me that his kids are allowed to scream in the hallway (or anywhere else in the building) that they feel like. I told him that actually, no, they’re not, according to our lease. He then told me to suck it up and to contact management and to not talk to him.

“After our conversation, he told all three of his kids ‘You can be as loud as you want in here!’ and then shot me a nasty look and proceeded to walk to the stairs. Once he said that all three kids started squealing as loud as possible, on purpose.”

Oh gosh, maybe it is time to talk to the management… what do you think?

Originally published as I left a note at his door about screaming kids; the response was shocking