‘I hated my mother's group, so I lied to get out of going’

"I couldn’t think of anything worse than sitting in a cafe discussing a baby’s weight difference of ten grams over two days." 

As a new mum navigating the tumultuous waters of parenthood, I eagerly joined a mother's group, hoping for friendship and women to share reels with at 3 am. 

Little did I know that my enthusiasm would be short-lived as I found myself entangled in a web of negativity that left me running for the door.

Instead of meeting up as a group in person, the sessions were held over Zoom for no apparent reason other than what I can guess is it was easier for the midwife to manage.

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"Can everyone see my screen?"

My initial excitement of connecting with fellow mums was replaced by awkward silences and forced smiles as we stared at our screens. 

There was a palpable disconnect, which put a big fat hole in the potential for genuine bonding.

What should have been a sanctuary for shared experiences transformed into a battleground of constant negativity. 

RELATED: ‘Why I dropped out of my horrible mother’s group’

An obsession 

Oh, where to begin…

There was one mother's obsession with weighing her baby became a daily spectacle, complete with stress-inducing commentaries on the minuscule fluctuations in grams, “Yesterday he put on 30 grams, but today only 20 grams,” she wrote on the group WhatsApp.

We all rallied behind her, telling her not to focus on weighing her baby daily. Perhaps you weighed him after he fed? He could have been holding onto a poop? If you’re really worried, you know your baby, so head to your GP and get the reassurance you need. But each warmly offered suggestion was shot down with more negativity. 

I remember messaging her privately to check in and asking how she was coping and if she could use some extra support, but she didn’t want to hear it. 

There was no way I'd miss cuddling this little one to sit in a cafe and chat about her fluctuations in grams per day!

Thanks, but no thanks

All the questions asked by the mums in the group were never met with a ‘thanks!’ or ‘that’s a good idea!’ and instead, excuses were shot back time after time. In my mind, don't ask for advice if you don’t want to take it, right?

I can’t help but wonder if the bond would have been stronger had the sessions been in person, but we were all essentially strangers to one another.

As a new mum, I understand the inherent worries and anxieties that come with the territory, but the relentless negativity in the group made it an unbearable experience.

RELATED: My friend posted an ‘unsafe’ video of her baby that worried me

"Should we meet up?"

When we finally hit the fourth and final week of excruciating Zoom calls, which I attended each week in the hopes everyone else would at least try and have a conversation, one of the mums suggested on the group chat to meet up.

I went back and forth in my mind to attend or not, but the chat began to fill with more negativity, and honestly, I couldn’t think of anything worse than sitting in a cafe discussing a baby’s weight difference of ten grams over two days. 

So, I lied and said I had other plans.

Maybe I should have given the other mums a chance, but when the days blur into one another and free time is so precious, I decided I wouldn’t spend it with people who weren’t aligned with how I wanted to parent.

DIY mother's group!

DIY mother's group

Instead, I decided to make my own mother’s group with mums who I could laugh with, chat about the craziness of it all and offer and take advice.

If you only focus on how hard being a new mum is, of course, it will be hard. Personally, it’s the most difficult yet rewarding thing I’ve ever done.

Should I have tried harder? 

Originally published as ‘I hated my mother's group, so I lied to get out of going’