'I am seriously grossed out by my adult son. Am I to blame?'

"I keep wondering what I did wrong or what I should have done differently." 

A mother is grappling with the question no parent wants to ask: where did I go wrong?

She says she’s watched her 20-year-old son’s hygiene habits slip further off the rails over the years, leaving her battling frustration and guilt.

Yet, she’s quick to say there’s plenty to be proud of. He’s studying part-time for a trade, and he’s a respectful, kind-hearted young man. 

“There are many things I am proud of him for. He’s overcome challenges related to learning difficulties and ADHD,” the mum bodes.

But hygiene? That’s always been his Achilles’ heel.

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"I caught him pretending to wash his hands after going to the toilet"

The mother took to Reddit in search for advice in how to better encourage him. 

“Even as a kid, he seemed to either hate some hygiene tasks and be fine with others, and this would fluctuate,” she explained.

Despite her efforts over the years to instil better habits, she admits she’s fallen short.

“At about age ten I caught him pretending to wash his hands after going to the toilet. He knew I would listen for the tap,” she recalled.

She says he would stand at the sink while the water ran, turn it off, and then walk away. All without a drop of water touching his skin.

“He couldn’t tell me why he didn’t want to wash his hands other than not really caring. It used to be because he wanted to get back to a game or something,” she said. 

“He was spending the ten seconds pretending anyway. Why not just wash them?”

His teeth are another area of contention.

“He will have yellow teeth and built-up gunk for days, and not seem to care,” she stressed.

And now, the battle has moved to his clothing. While her son does his own washing, she noticed something peculiar while helping take his clothes off the line. 

“For one whole week of working as a tradie there was only one pair of socks and two pairs of undies (plus other clothing like pants/shirts). I am disgusted,” she said.

She’s reaching her wits' end. 

“We have talked about this so many times. I just don’t understand why he doesn’t care, especially when I’ve been trying for so many years,” she shared. 

Despite her efforts, nothing seems to boost his attitude about his hygiene. Image: iStock

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"Is he single? If yes, does he want to stay that way?" 

It’s even left her questioning if she’s to blame. 

“My husband says to not let it bother me and just leave him alone. I am seriously grossed out. I keep wondering what I did wrong or what I should have done differently,” she said. 

Commenters on her Reddit post offered varying forms of insight. 

“Is he single? If yes, does he want to stay that way? Poor hygiene is such a turn-off, maybe make that clear to him when asking him to improve his ways,” one commenter shared.

“This definitely sounds like an ADHD issue, and you aren't to blame for it,” another reassured.

A third suggested: “I would talk to your son in a non-controlling manner and tell him how it makes you feel. Be honest about it.” 

The mother did reveal in the comments that there is, occasionally, one motivator that works.

“He seems more motivated to clean himself up when there’s a date. I doubt that lasts forever though. Maybe just for the honeymoon phase,” she wrote.

Originally published as 'I am seriously grossed out by my adult son. Am I to blame?'