'Bandit makes me feel like a bad parent in one particular way'

"It comes so naturally to him; but I really struggle with it."

My youngest kid loves the TV show Bluey. Fine. It’s a great show, right? Funny, smart and adorable. As a parent, there’s just one problem.

The dad, Bandit, makes me feel super guilty.

He’s the ultimate child’s playmate – whether he’s driving an imaginary bus, making cubbies or pretending to be a “patient” so his kids can be doctors.

As a dad, Bandit is endlessly patient, kind and creative. For his children – Bluey and Bingo – he transforms even the most ordinary moments into something fun and memorable. And you know what?

I admire him AND hate him for it.

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Is Bandit a better parent than I am?

I’m a parent who does not like playing with their kids.

To me, it’s boring and irritating. Engaging in imaginative play makes me panic about not getting on top of life’s endless admin and domestic drudgery. Plus, to my mind, it absolves the kid of getting creative and solving their own boredom.

(One caveat here so you don’t think I’m a total monster: I do plenty of other things with my kids. Bushwalking, baking, and consciously being present and listening to their everyday thoughts and feelings.)

Admitting you don’t like playing with your kids isn’t popular. But you know what? Secretly, it’s common.

Mum-of-two, Charlotte,* confesses she hates imaginary play. When I bring this up with her, she immediately replies, “Oh my God. Kill me.”

Although her kids are older now, Charlotte recalls the days of obligatory imaginary play with horror: “I always got something wrong and was getting in trouble from the kid. Eventually they'd get sick of my reluctant, half-hearted non-attempts and give up on me. Thank God.”

Image: Ginger out with her kids/ The ABC

Dad-of-one, Jonathan*, had a similar complaint. When his kid was younger, he found playing with her awful because “…there was no room for creativity. She called the shots.”

Another friend, let’s call her Amelia, is a mum of three. She’s right on the same page: “I hate playing games where I have to imagine stuff up and play make believe.”

Amelia explains that over the decades of being a grown-up, she’s had to nail adult thinking and planning. Consequently, her imagination is “really, really, weak.” This means when it comes to child play, “…my brain quickly drifts back to all the things that I have to be doing, which aren't necessarily more important than playing and bonding with my child, but they do need to get done.”

Ginger is a fan of planning ahead and has a more than full mental load. Image: Supplied

An expert explains why playing can be hard

US writer and researcher Elena Bridgers’ work centres around hunter-gatherer societies and how they relate to modern parenthood. As she says in a popular Instagram post,  it’s “totally normal” to hate playing imaginary games with your kids.

“Adults... have far less neuroplasticity than children do, and we don't need play in the same way that a child does,” she says in the post.

According to Bridgers, kids need creative, free play “…in order to develop the emotional, social and cognitive skills required to succeed as adults.” She adds: “…play is literally how the juveniles wire up their brains.”

Essentially, as adults we’re done with that task. We have other, more pressing concerns at hand. Like making sure the wheels don’t fall off our domestic lives and bringing in income to keep the bills paid.

The problem, Bridgers says, comes down to this:  many modern families live in isolated nuclear units and parents feel forced to engage in play with their children.

Which goes back to an issue I've written about before – that we need a commune to raise our kids.

Meantime, I'm very much looking forward to the episode of Bluey where Bandit tells his kids – with full confidence that this is the best course of action – to rack off and play on their own.

*Names have been changed for privacy

Originally published as 'Bandit makes me feel like a bad parent in one particular way'