I went to pilates instead of the Book Week Parade

"Yeah, I felt a bit guilty but also, what about me?"

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Advice Needed

Am I a bad mum? I chose my pilates class over going to the Book Week parade this year.

For a bit of context, I have three kids, and the past few weeks, the family has come down with whatever virus is most popular, including myself, so I haven’t had a moment of self-care in weeks. 

I had an hour window where my baby was being looked after and it coincided with the Book Week assembly, so I went to pilates. I felt a pang of guilt, even though the assembly was recorded and I watched it when I got home.

I organised their outfits, ensured they had their books for the day, and I was sent pictures but still wasn’t enough. At pick-up my eldest questioned why “I never come to anything” when in reality this is the first school event I’ve missed.

I would love to tell the school to leave me off the invite list in future. Should I carry the guilt that I chose myself over the kids this time, or let it go?

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Jordana's Advice 

Mum guilt, that pesky cloud that follows us everywhere we go. The truth is, as mums, as much as we try, we can’t be everyone or everywhere all at once. I have a follow up question - and I’m sure I can answer it - does your husband ever attend? My guess is no (feel free to correct if not). And if he doesn’t, I’m also guessing the kids don’t ask "where is daddy?". A frustration as mums we all share. Again the mental load falls to us! 

If you’re anything like me, you are always there, like wallpaper, so your kids notice when it’s missing, not when it’s there! That can leave such a sinking feeling, even when you know that in two weeks' time, there will be another event to attend, and you’ll be there. 

Image: iStock/Supplied

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It's wonderful that you actually took the time to watch the link to the assembly, so you had the details for when the kids came home wanting to discuss their big moment. Although I can imagine, by the end of the day, they won’t even want to talk about it!

This might be an unpopular opinion, but I agree with you, self-care is important and you should take the opportunities when you can. If you don’t look after yourself, then who will? That’s the reality we face.

As mums (not all, but most) we care for our families, putting their needs first, opening more and more tabs as the mental load piles up. We put ourselves last, if at all, because we don’t have the time. So the fact that time presented itself and you took it, you do you! Exercise and self-care is an essential component of stress relief and wellness!

Mums we need to make this our new mantra, “I matter, my time matters, me time isn’t selfish.” 

As mums we are usually the gatekeepers for our childrens’ in-school and after-school activities. We’re the caterer, driver, cheer squad and stylist - with zero pay! To feel guilty for carving out a little time for yourself isn't selfish, it's a necessity.

In fact, I’d encourage you to take it a step further. Instead of waiting for the window of opportunity to appear, regularly schedule your “you time.” That way you are filling your cup on a regular basis and not running on empty. 

To borrow a line from Kris “Momager” Jenner - “you’re doing great, sweetie!” Enjoy that pilates class, there are plenty more Book Week parades ahead.    

Originally published as I went to pilates instead of the Book Week Parade