My daughter's not eating her lunch thanks to an annoying school mum

"Of course no one says anything for the fear of being a Karen or told it’s no big deal."

There's this one mum at school who brings sweets and cake to give out to the classroom. Every single week. And I'm getting sick of it. 

Right from when my kids were babies I have put so much pride, energy and effort into what I feed them. I do most things homemade, low sugar, and focus on nutrient rich foods. Why? Because eating good food has always been important to me. 

For so long it's been easy to choose what our kids eat. When they are babies - it’s simple - they eat what they are given.

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Why am I feeling like a crazy parent for even writing this?!

At preschool and kinder there seemed to be stricter rules on sharing food - so I’ve never had to worry about other parents providing food for them. They ate what they were given in their lunch boxes. And yes, sometimes that includes cakes and biscuits or a special treat. 

But school seems to be a whole different story. And we are only in Year One. 

Yes my kids can be fussy, like most kids. And yes we do give them treats -we don't completely avoid these sorts of foods. I’m not ignorant of the fact that my kids are going to be exposed to all types of foods as they grow older. I also don’t try to ‘demonise’ these types of foods to my children. I simply just don’t offer them very much in our house and in the food that I make. 

My oldest is only five - I thought I had a bit longer to keep choosing what she eats. So why am I feeling like a crazy parent for even writing this?! 

And no, I am not judging how other parents feed their kids. Parenting is hard - I get that. But it is all about choice and my choice is already being taken away and it’s our first year at school. 

Sophea and her daughter. Image: Supplied

I put a lot of effort into making lunch boxes for my children and this weekly (sometimes multiple times a week) occurrence of sweets and cakes in the classroom is becoming a problem. Accompanied by many lolly pops, marshmallows, and other treats that are often handed out. 

Last week my daughter's lunch box came home almost completely untouched. When I asked why she replied “because Maisie brought in marshmallow slice”. 

I felt furious. Defeated. Annoyed. 

I had gotten up early that morning, like I do every school morning, and packed a lot of food into their lunch boxes. My kids love sushi, and because it is quite expensive I always make it homemade. I find it the best way to fill their tummies up, get in a source of protein, and they absolutely love it - usually.

Marshmallow slice versus sushi for lunch - what would you choose?

So when her lunchbox comes home completely untouched because another mum is offering cakes, cookies, scrolls, I'm not happy at all.

The lunchbox Sophea packs for her daughter every day, next to the treats that another mum regularly brings in. Image: Supplied

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"How is this random treat-giving even a thing?"

So I approached the teacher about this. Just in a friendly way I asked, “Does another parent bring in cakes to school to share with the children?” 

At this point it was all what my daughter had been telling me. 

“Yes, every Friday,” was the response. 

I then asked, “Oh when do the kids get given it? I’m just a little concerned that my daughter is not eating her lunch on that day.” 

“Oh it’s for morning tea and it's not much,” she said. 

I was left feeling like ‘that’ parent. Of course I’m not going to make my daughter be only one in the class not getting the cake. So it has continued. And I understand wanting to do some home baking every now and then. Especially on a birthday. That is lovely and my daughter is keen to do this some time. 

But every single week by the same parent? And to what purpose? Do you want your kid to be known as the one who hands cakes out? Or is she really just trying to do something nice...either way, I wish this would change. 

And can the teacher not just save it for the end of the day or at least give it out to the kids after their lunch? Is this too much to ask or am I really becoming ‘that’ parent? 

I know that it does annoy other mums at school too, they often talk about it. But of course no one says anything for the fear of being ‘a Karen’ or being told ‘it’s no big deal’. 

But it actually is a big deal to me. 

I don’t like being torn between ignoring this because I don’t want to cause a drama ‘over nothing’ and just being a pushover and not saying anything. 

After speaking to a number of teacher friends, they have all been shocked that the teacher would just hand out cakes every single week for morning tea before the kids even touch their lunch boxes.

Please save it for the end of the day, or at the very least, at the end of lunch. Is that too much to ask?

Originally published as My daughter's not eating her lunch thanks to an annoying school mum