Dating is hard, but lately, it’s starting to feel impossible. The same 24/7 outrage cycle that has us doomscrolling world crises is also messing with our love lives.

According to Scientific American, this constant exposure to negativity is causing what researchers call outrage fatigue—a state of emotional burnout from perpetual indignation. Your brain, flooded with stress and frustration, starts to expect the worst in everything. And if you think that attitude isn’t bleeding into your dating life, think again.

Let’s be honest: modern dating has turned into its own outrage machine. We’re not just consuming bad news about politics and global disasters; we’re also being fed a steady stream of dating horror stories, icks, and red-flagged behaviours.

Ghosting exposés. First-date nightmares. Viral TikToks warning you that if a man orders a vanilla latte, he’s emotionally unavailable. It’s endless. Whether we realise it or not, it’s training us to expect failure before we even step out the door or open a dating app.

So how much of your dating burnout is actually dating, and how much of it is just you carrying the weight of the internet into your love life?

Are you hypervigilant about red flags?

Outrage fatigue primes you to be on high alert for any sign of bad behaviour. Instead of getting to know someone, you’re scanning for mistakes. One wrong comment, one awkward moment, and they’re done. Yes, some red flags are real. But when we start dissecting every minor quirk, we kill any chance of connection.

Do you assume bad intent too quickly?

If you’ve been consuming nonstop stories about why men lie about their height or why women fake enthusiasm on first dates, your natural response is to assume everyone is out to play games.

Maybe your date was nervous and overexplained things. Instead of reading it as nerves, you label them self-absorbed narcissists. They may have taken a few hours to reply, and instead of assuming they were busy, you decide they must be emotionally unavailable.

Are you too exhausted to engage?

Studies have shown that repeated exposure to outrage-inducing content can lead to emotional exhaustion, diminishing our capacity to engage in activities that require emotional investment, like dating. This constant negativity leaves us mentally and emotionally drained. And what’s dating, if not an energy-intensive process? If you’re already running on empty, putting in effort to meet new people will feel like an insurmountable task.

You start cancelling dates. You stop replying. You check your apps but don’t engage. You’re in dating burnout. And the worst part? You don’t even realise what’s causing it.

How to break the outrage-dating cycle

If you’re stuck in this loop, don’t worry. Your love life isn’t doomed, but it does need a reset. Here’s how:

#1. Mute dating horror content

You know how they say you are what you eat? Well, your mindset is what you consume. If your feed is drowning in stories about “why dating is the worst, why men are trash, and why women can’t be trusted”, guess what? That’s going to be your default worldview.

If your dating algorithm is set to “everything is terrible,” reset it. Mute or unfollow accounts that only post negative dating takes. If you wouldn’t take their advice in real life, why let their opinions shape your mindset? Start consuming positive relationship content—healthy couples, success stories, and actual relationship advice that isn’t rooted in cynicism.

#2. Mind confirmation bias

Your brain loves being right. If you go into dating expecting failure, you’re going to find reasons to confirm that belief. Before you react, ask yourself:

• Would I have cared about this before social media convinced me it was a red flag?
• Am I reacting to them or to the idea of them?
• Am I reacting to what’s happening or to what I fear might happen?

Give people a chance before you assume the worst.

#3. Set boundaries with your screen time

Not to sound like a boomer, but too much screen time is frying your brain and depleting your dopamine reserves—the chemical you need to form connections. If you’re about to go on a date, the worst thing you can do is drown yourself in negativity first.

No checking social media before you meet them. No deep dives into toxic TikTok takes. Let your brain exist outside the algorithm before you show up to meet someone new.

Take yourself out for a coffee, mute, unfollow and reset your algorithm to prioritise balance. If you’re going to watch dating content, at least make sure some of it is positive.

#4. Don’t date like an interview

Be discerning, but don’t treat your date like a psychological evaluation. Instead, try enjoying it. Appreciate the serendipity; of all the swipes, all the flakes and all the GIFs,  you’ve ended up here, with this person. Maybe it’s not forever, but maybe there’s something to learn.

Relationships don’t form through a series of pass/fail tests. They develop when people allow themselves to connect without the pressure of perfection.

The happiest relationships don’t come from people who go in expecting failure. They come from people who give things a chance to grow.

Your love life needs an outrage detox

Yes, dating is hard. Not just because of bad actors but because choosing a partner is one of the biggest decisions you’ll ever make. But if all you ever focus on is what could go wrong, you’ll never see what could go right—brilliantly, unexpectedly, deliriously right.

And that takes action. You have a choice: numb yourself with outrage-fuelled content or step away, engage with real life, and give connection a real chance.

So before you decide modern dating is a lost cause, ask yourself, “Is the problem dating itself, or just the way I’m thinking about it?” Because the best way to improve your love life isn’t by changing who you date. It’s by changing how you show up.