My 6yo won't stop stealing her classmate's lunches, I think it's my fault

"The real issue here isn't the lunch box, it's her behaviour and you need to address it ASAP," urged a fellow parent. 

When it comes to lunch boxes, it can be hard to strike the perfect balance between nutrition and giving our kids what they actually want to eat.

One mum who's been grappling with this issue recently found out that her daughter had been stealing other kids' lunches as she feels 'left out' because she's only given 'healthy' foods. 

Taking to the Lunch box Ideas Australia Facebook group, the mum turned to other parents for advice on what to do. 

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"She feels left out"

"My six-year-old has been stealing other children's lunch at school- mostly packet/treat-like snacks. She said that I wasn't packing enough food, so I will up the amount, but I think it's more about what we're packing... we generally make most of the kid's snacks," the mum began her post.

 

She then explained what she'd typically pack in her daughter's lunch box.

 

"We will have a ham salad roll or wrap, an apple, other fruit such as orange or watermelon, tinned tuna, crackers and a homemade treat like a muffin, biscuit, or cake," she said.

 

But her daughter has told her that most kids take things like Oreos, lollies and roll ups on the daily.

 

The mum concluded her post by saying, "To me, they are sometimes food, but obviously, she feels left out. Any advice?"

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"Stick to your guns"

In the comments, hundreds of parents weighed in with their two cents, with many telling her to stick to her guns.

"Don't feel like you need to give into what she is stealing," one mum advised. "You are absolutely allowed to have different rules to other parents. No is no. (Or compromise; it's totally up to you). But this isn't because you have done anything wrong. She just wanted a lolly, so she stole it. Try packing extra. But if she is going through a phase of stealing, then it might not help. And giving in won't help. It might just be a crappy phase you guys need to ride why you teach her."

And one mum has witnessed a similar trend with her own daughter and her friends. "I’ve definitely been surprised by the amount of junk food packed in my daughter’s classmates’ lunches. We try not to pack much processed food as well, but she has started questioning why xyz gets xyz food and she doesn’t."

"I’m like you and won’t buy the processed stuff," echoed a third. "I have found a few muffin recipes on Pinterest that are very low/no sugar and bake them in the tiny muffin tin. Very occasionally, I’ll let them take a packaged something, usually a yoghurt pouch that I don’t feel is too bad. Lollies/chocolate rarely, just as a special surprise, maybe once a term or on a birthday or something.To me, sometimes food is not every day."

"I'd stand my ground and have a talk about food and nutrition. My kids are the same - 'everyone' gets the crap daily you speak of, apparently. We compromised on putting small packs of Oreos/cake bars, etc. in occasionally mixed with homemade treats. Never roll ups. We make the last week of every term 'treat week' where they choose chips/biscuits etc. and can take them daily. They look forward to it because it's a novelty, " a fourth explained.

People say restrictions only lead to more cravings

On the other hand, others said that the mum may inadvertently be causing her daughter to crave these 'off-limit' foods.

"I found with my kids when I restricted their access to those items, they craved them more and would be quite disruptive about them (would be like flies at a table of food at parties if they served lollies). When I allowed better access to those items and did not label them as treats, my kids would often get home from school and request healthy snacks or would choose the healthier items over the junkier food type option that I would let them choose from as a snack," one person said.

Another agreed, replying: "Yep, if it’s restricted, they will do anything to get it! If there are several options, it’s teaching them to make their own decisions on what’s healthier. They are kids, so they’ll always want what others have."

Others said that it could be an issue of monotony. "Are you sending her with the same food everyday?" one commenter asked. "She could possibly be bored and wants what everyone else is eating. Perhaps items like yoghurt, popcorn or grain waves as a small treat. I also don't see anything wrong with a small treat like a little chocolate bar or sugary biscuit, as long as her lunchbox is mostly made up of healthy food."

The bigger issue in this whole situation

Meanwhile, many group members urged the mum to try and focus on the bigger issue here - her daughter stealing.

"Address the stealing, meet her halfway and pop one treat in there every day," one suggested. 

"This is not about food - this behaviour needs to be addressed quickly. Talk with the school and enlist the help of a counsellor," insisted someone else.

And finally, this person added: "I think you're worried about the wrong thing. You shouldn't be trying to make sure her lunch is the same as other children's. You need to stop her from stealing from other children. You need to explain how it feels to be stolen from and how that child that she's stealing from is now going hungry because of her choice. You need to explain that we can't always have the same thing, she just needs to stop stealing. To be honest you need to pack more food, and she needs to come to terms with the fact that she cannot have the same as everyone else all the time. You are right. They are sometimes foods and her not having them does not excuse her from stealing them."

Originally published as My 6yo won't stop stealing her classmate's lunches, I think it's my fault