Singlism the new form of discrimination, targeting single workers who bear the brunt of the office workload

Whether they are unpartnered, unmarried, separated, divorced or widowed, many singles believe they’re picking up the slack for their coupled-up colleagues at work. And they’re sick of the double standard. So is single discrimination really a thing?

It’s late Sunday night as radio producer Vanessa* swipes her security card. A television monitor bathes the office in weak, artificial light. A vacuum emits a distant hum.

Only a handful of weekend warriors are working at this ungodly hour. And, according to Vanessa, they all have one thing in common: they’re all single and childless.

“It’s expected you’ll work weekends. I don’t see anyone with partners or kids in my office working weekends. I see single people bearing the brunt of that,” Vanessa, 29, says.

It’s an example of “singlism”. The phrase was coined by Bella DePaulo, social psychologist and author of many books on the topic, and refers to the “stereotyping, stigmatising and discrimination against people who are single”.

Whether they are unpartnered, unmarried, separated, divorced or widowed, many singles believe they’re picking up the slack for their coupled-up colleagues.

Is this latest “ism” on a par with other forms of discrimination like ageism, racism and sexism?

Perhaps not quite, but what makes it unique is that it’s the only kind of discriminatory behaviour that society seems to sanction.

Many single employees feel resentful at doing more hours and having less flexibility than their colleagues who have children.

As American DePaulo writes in her blog: “Unlike other ‘isms’ that are more widely recognised, singlism is not on most people’s radar. What’s more, if they do hear about it, they often deny it or minimise it or lash out at the people who point to it.”

Professor Gary Martin, chief executive officer at the Australian Institute of Management WA, agrees.

“While singlism is not perhaps in the same category as the most savage forms of discrimination, this form of ‘ism’ represents an increasingly serious challenge to Australian workplaces,” Martin says.

Not all singles are young, climbing the career ladder, and determined to impress their boss.

Many are in their 30s, 40s, and 50s and have either chosen to be single or are by circumstance.

So, what are some examples of singlism? Is the gripe justified? And, if so, what can be done to create a fairer workplace?

Let’s start with the perceived prejudices. Singles often complain that colleagues who are partnered or married with offspring grab first dibs on coveted annual leave.

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“It’s naturally expected people with children are first in line to get Christmas, Easter and all of those holidays off,” Vanessa says.

“They’re the ones who benefit the most from them. That’s frustrating for a single person. Just because you don’t have children or a partner doesn’t mean you don’t have a family and you want to spend the holidays with them.”

In addition to roster and shift work expectations, many singles claim they do more than their fair share of travel. There is a perception in many workplaces that single people are commitment free and can jet off at a moment’s notice. And besides, travel is exciting, right?

Ask anyone who has a peripatetic work schedule and they’ll usually tell you it’s exhausting, disruptive to routine, and far from glamorous.

Many parents, on the other hand, claim they cannot travel interstate or overseas for work given the high cost of childcare and demands of family life.

Vanessa says there’s also a double standard in bosses being seen to be more flexible and understanding to parents when it comes to leaving work early to attend to family commitments.

Workplace expert Rose Bryant-Smith says single employees deserve just as flexible working arrangements as working parents. Picture: Lavina Harte

“Like, when I have to cover for colleagues who duck off early to do the school run or they come in late because they have a sick child or spouse — it’s just not fair,” she says.

“If colleagues are late because they’re disorganised with their children that’s somehow acceptable (but) if I’m late because I have an appointment to have my hair done, that’s not socially accepted.”

However, many parents trying to juggle kids and careers will tell you the grass is not always greener on their chaotic side of the fence — mums whose grey roots prove having their hair done is a distant luxury and dads who are distressed because they missed yet another piano concert while stuck at the office.

Indeed, many are envious of the scope, career progression, overtime and travel opportunities afforded to singles.

Some working parents bemoan the fact they’re forced to take annual leave during peak periods such as school holidays when prices are sky high and destinations are packed.

So are singles being sooks?

“No,” Vanessa says. “Just because I don’t have a partner or children doesn’t mean I don’t have a family, interests and a meaningful, busy life outside of work.”

This view is backed by Melbourne workplace ethics advisor and author Rose Bryant-Smith, whose business Worklogic conducts investigations of misconduct at work.

“Singles deserve just as flexible working spaces and working arrangements as parents, because it enables them to be productive and efficient,” Bryant-Smith says.

“They can fit in their sports practise, book club, community commitments, volunteer work — all the things that are enjoyable and healthy outside of work, which lets them recharge.”

And this includes caring for ageing parents and relatives, sick friends and, yes — even pets.

“The Equal Opportunity and Human Rights Commission receive complaints from people whose employer didn’t offer compassionate leave when their dog died,” Bryant-Smith says.

“Pet ownership is rightly not treated the same as being a parent, but the employer can still show kindness.”

In this increasingly sensitive and PC world, how on earth did we create this new prejudice?

Curiously and conversely, by trying to stamp out another one.

“Many workplaces have become so fixated on becoming family friendly, they might have dropped the ball on meeting the needs of another large group in the workplace — singles,” Martin says.

“It’s almost a given that those with families will receive preferential treatment.”

The push for family-friendly working environments has been driven by a big shift in the labour force.

Melbourne business owner Carolyn Stebbing prides herself on providing a fair working environment for singles as much as working parents.

In 2017, Australian Bureau of Statistics figures show that 64 per cent of couple families with children had both parents working, up from 59 per cent a decade ago. This ongoing trend where both parents work comes as female participation rates in the labour market have increased to the current record high of about 60 per cent.

However, this trend has seen singles feeling left on the work shelf. So what can be done?

One Melbourne business that prides itself on a level playing field is marketing agency Little Village Creative.

Director Carolyn Stebbing runs a flexible business model, with more than 40 different contractors and freelancers engaged on a project-by-project basis.

She says this has created an environment that is fair to singles as well as parents.

“I’m not a mum myself but I respect working parents do it tough and it’s a huge commitment,” Stebbing says.

“I also respect people with different circumstances or those juggling other commitments — perhaps they’re caring for someone, dealing with a chronic illness, have hobbies, run a side business or just want to strike a better work-life balance.

“My team members are not treated differently. They’re empowered to work how they want. At the end of the day — and because my business model allows for it — I only care about their work being done beautifully, to the highest possible standard, on time, and the clients being happy. Beyond that I don’t care how or when the work is done.”

This model, which avoids the dreaded clock-watching boss scenario, means singles are not treated like corporate workhorses.

“An unsustainable workload is unsustainable regardless of what its cause. If someone feels they’re carrying an unfair load, they need to flag it with someone senior and ask how things can be improved,” Stebbing says.

“Finding reliable people is difficult. I have tapped into a diverse workforce of people who have cycled out of both bigger companies and relentless full-time work. But I’m reaping the rewards of a flexible workplace.”

Worker Vanessa (not her real name) claims bosses are more tolerant of working parents than singles when it comes to work travel, annual leave and coming in late.

Bryant-Smith agrees that given talent shortages across many industries, employers need to retain their good people. Having a single-friendly workplace only increases engagement and productivity, which ultimately helps the business.

“Rather than assuming that only childcare responsibilities need to be protected, employers should think about what flexibilities each person wants, so no one feels underappreciated or overworked,” Bryant-Smith says.

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“The challenge for employers, however, is that they are legally required to accommodate the carer’s responsibilities and parental responsibilities of their staff, as well as those coping with disability and illness. There are some personal commitments outside work that are protected under the law. There are others that are not.”

As a workplace expert, Bryant-Smith also warns working longer hours does not equate to more output or greater productivity.

Recent research from the Australian National University has found people who work more than 39 hours a week are putting their health at risk. Longer work hours erode a person’s mental and physical health because it leaves less time to eat well, exercise more, engage socially and spend time with family — whatever the definition of family may be.

Vanessa has a novel and egalitarian solution to addressing singlism.

“It would be better for all of us to receive a set amount of leave — it’s not sick leave, it’s not personal leave, it’s not annual leave,” she explains.

“Everyone, regardless of their status, is entitled to the same amount and what you do with it is your business. Then that way there is no judgment.”

And what if Vanessa finds herself one day on the other side as a working mum who’s running late for work with a screaming child who needs to be dropped off at daycare?

“As a female, I’m caught between this thing where I get frustrated because parents get away with a lot more than I do, but at the same time I want to empower working women because I think maybe this might happen to me one day,” Vanessa says.

“If I choose to have children, I’d like to think that I’d have the same respect shown to me.”

* NOT HER REAL NAME