How these modern mums tackle the demands of motherhood with a big tribe of children
A big tribe of kids brings joy — as well as chaos — to these proud mums who some would say are also incredibly brave as they embrace the demands of modern motherhood.
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A big tribe of kids brings joy — as well as chaos — to these proud mums who some would say are also incredibly brave as they embrace the demands of modern motherhood.
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LAUREN NEWTON
When Lauren Newton had her third child seven years ago, she felt as though she suddenly had a big family.
So having two more in the past three years didn’t feel much more challenging.
Newton’s taken to motherhood with a deeper sense of ease and fulfilment than even she thought possible, peppered with a lot of common sense.
As soon as she had three children, Newton — the daughter of entertainment legends Bert
and Patti Newton — and her Olympic swimmer husband Matt Welsh, had to implement new measures to cope with the expansion.
But then the family continued to grow, welcoming baby Perla — their fifth — on December 29 last year, joining siblings Sam, 11, Eva, 9, Lola, 7, and Monty, 3.
“Once you go over three, that’s your life anyway so it doesn’t really change too much,” Newton says. “I remember saying to Mum, ‘I think we’ll just have one’.
“But then we had one and loved him so much, we had the second very quickly, when the first was only seven months old, and we kept thinking, ‘One more.’
“We ended up having five, but the third was the biggest change because it changed everything. We needed more than two hands to cross the road and more car seats. Once four and five came, we were just in the swing.”
It’s the joy the children have brought to the entire family that has added to Newton’s happiness, and she’s added or created an extra bedroom in their house with each new arrival, keen for them to have their own bedrooms so they have some private space.
Quarrels are rare, but if she detects one brewing, they can go to their own rooms for alone time or to grandmother Patti’s house nearby.
Welsh takes Sam and Eva to swimming lessons on Saturdays, and they’ve developed a gift for the sport that made Welsh famous.
Newton, 40, has happily reduced her own workload as the family has grown.
“I worked up until I had the third and since then I’ve only had a few jobs,” she says.
“It’s hard because you have to make a choice.
“They’re only little for such a short time that I don’t want to miss any of it. Even if I hand over the bottle for someone else to feed Perla, I’m thinking that I really want to do it.
“I’ve taken on a bit of work recently, but I’m mindful that it won’t take me away for too long
and it has to be something that fits in with my family life. It doesn’t work if both of us are busy. Mum taught me that — someone had to make that choice and they couldn’t both be off chasing their dreams.”
Having a supportive mother is a great help to Newton, who is the current face of Crown Metropol’s Mumcation campaign, urging busy mums to take more time out.
Her father is also a constant presence. Not a day goes by when the children don’t see their famous grandparents.
The inclusion of her parents is one of the greatest pleasures Newtown finds in family life.
“It’s lovely to have an extra set of hands around to share the joy, and as soon as something wonderful happens with the kids, I can’t wait to tell them about it,” she says.
“I hope I’m a mum like my mum. I hope my kids love me as much as I love her.
“She can look at me and not say anything but I know what she’s thinking. I had such a good childhood that I want mine to have the same.”
Aside from swimming, Sam also loves playing soccer and basketball, but Newton thinks Lola and Monty will be the new generation of entertainers in the family.
“They put on little shows regularly and make Dad sit on the chair and introduce them, which is very funny, especially when they tell him how to do it and what to say,” she says.
“I always laugh, thinking he of all people knows how to compere a show.
“They play so many games around him.”
The greatest challenge for Newton is making sure all five children’s needs are met, but she
is super organised.
She has charts to log which of the older children gets a turn riding in the front seat of the car, charts to tick off that essentials are in school bags, and there are schedules in each child’s bedroom.
Sam gets Monty up in the morning, gets their breakfast and the children all make their own beds.
“I can’t feed and dress them all at once, so they have to be self-sufficient, but they also have one another so they’re never lonely and there’s always someone to play with,” Newton says. “It teaches them what it’s like out in the real world, dealing with different personalities and not getting your own way. Holidays aren’t really possible for us if we have to fly but we’re quite happy to stay in Victoria where we love the Mornington Peninsula.”
Newton’s system seems to be working.
Since Perla was six weeks old, she has slept 10 hours a night. Newton is proud that all her children have been good sleepers.
“Matt and I really like our sleep and all the kids are in bed at 7.30pm so we can have some adult time,” she says. “I’m much happier when I have a good sleep because I feel I can handle anything.
“I cope well but I’m mindful of not overextending myself. Matt always says he’s so glad we have five kids because it means we’ll always have kids around us.”
LAUREN GILES
When Lauren Giles became pregnant with her first child, she never anticipated that four more children would follow within six years.
She and her husband Aaron always wanted children but never had a definite number in mind.
“We’re both from families of three, so we knew we wanted a bigger-than-average family,” Giles says.
“When my fourth was born, we weren’t sure if we’d have another one and thought we’d see how things played out, but 15 months later, I was pregnant with my fifth.
“But having lots of children has brought a lot of love and a lot of laughs into our lives. We’ve had to relax our standards a bit and let go of trying to be the perfect parents.”
One of the biggest changes was in their living circumstances. They were in Port Melbourne when Spencer, now 9, was born, but moved to their present home in Moriac, near Geelong, a year later.
Giles, 35, was a nurse at The Alfred hospital and moved to the Transport Accident Commission for three years before having Spencer, and again for a few months before the arrival of her second child Addison, 7.
But then she gave up working for good, going on to have Lennox, 5, Darius, 4, and Quinn, 2.
Aaron works as a senior site manager, commuting to the city every day, which takes him at least an hour, cutting into family time.
“That’s why I really value the community we have here so much,” Giles says. “Both of our families live in Melbourne so we have practically no family support around us which can be challenging, but the friends we’ve made through having lots of kids have been amazing.
“I get to be involved in the school and kinder communities, I’m the uniform co-ordinator
at school and work in the book club.
“The kids like to see me helping out and it’s really rewarding for me, too.”
The family’s property offers plenty of space for the children to enjoy the outdoors.
Their friends are often over to join in the fun, and they have been taught to look after each other and themselves.
Spencer and Addison make their own breakfast, as well as for the other children if needed.
They can get themselves and each other dressed, make their own lunches and get everyone into the van for outings.
“I’m coming out of the time where I had to do everything for everyone, which was the case when they were toddlers and babies, which was tough,” Giles says.
“It’s a type of organised chaos that can still be overwhelming at times. There are five little people and all their needs have to be met, so I sometimes feel like I’m putting out spotfires everywhere, but everything I do for them is telling them they are loved.”
The family takes an annual holiday to Palm Cove, renting a large house so they can all
stay together and hiring a van to get around.
It’s an important time to be together, relax and not be bound to a schedule.
“Then there are times when we just have to cancel our arrangements,” Giles says.
“We don’t do anything on Fridays, which is pizza night, but if we’ve had a busy couple
of weeks, I know when it’s getting too much for everyone and just have to cancel their swimming lessons or other commitments. It can get too hard.”
When someone is naughty, the answer is simple.
“Our usual discipline method is to be sent alone to the bathroom,” she says. “I can feel
like I’m taking kids in and out of the bathroom when there are multiple children doing the wrong thing but on the whole, they’re well behaved.
“They hate being separated from everyone but they also know that’s the consequence of hitting each other or doing something wrong. Then they have to apologise and off we go and get on with our lives.”
KARI DUGGAN
It’s understandable that Kari Duggan regards her children as her best friends.
She had the first of her five children when she was 17, one year after getting married.
“They’re all my best friends,” Duggan says. “My eldest two are such a help to me, now especially, because I only have a handful of close friends.”
The eldest two, Linda, 35, and Sarah, 33, are only too happy to help Duggan, 52, care for her 22-year-old son William, who has a rare genetic syndrome known as 48,XXYY syndrome, which causes developmental delays and behaviour disorders.
William is the only one of Duggan’s children who still lives with her at home in Strathmore, but she is also in constant contact with Beth, 24, and Lachlan, 20.
Linda and Sarah were born during Duggan’s first marriage, which lasted five years, and the youngest three were from her most recent marriage, which ended five years ago. She is presently in a relationship with a man who has a son living in the UK.
“When my second marriage ended, I really did feel alone for the first time in my life,” Duggan says. “I went from being so busy to being alone with William.
“It was the hardest time in my life, but I’m starting to enjoy my own company a bit more now and the time spent with my partner, but I still miss my babies.”
Duggan has two grandsons, with another grandchild on the way.
Even though she is now at a different stage of life and working part-time in childcare, motherhood has been the sustaining force in Duggan’s life.
She was very close to her own mother and has been devoted to raising her kids into strong, resilient adults. There are some regrets about missing out on forming friendships when she was younger because she was so busy with her children, but she still gets fulfilment from being a mother.
“Looking back, it was hard because I did miss out on a lot during the years when I was 16 to 20, but at the time I didn’t think I missed out,” she says. “I loved being a mother and I loved babies. I still do.
“Being a mother is my best asset and I hold that really dearly. I value that so much and it’s what I live for.
“I’ve done everything I want to do. I went on a big trip to Dubai, England, Norway, New York and Los Angeles five years ago and I might be going to Italy next year with my partner, who is Sicilian.
“I don’t really know how I coped with everything, but I just did it. You’re the mum, so you do it.”
Duggan reflects on times when she took Lachlan to football every Saturday, rarely missing a game, and Beth was a keen dancer. They all had plenty of extra activities and she feels blessed to have been at home when all the children arrived back from school at the end of the day.
The children still come home regularly, uniting once a month for a family dinner, including partners.
“I’ve been really lucky with their partners,” Duggan says. “My youngest son has been with his partner for 4½ years and she has lived with me at times. She’s like another daughter to me and we’re really close.
“As long as my children are happy, that’s all I ask for, and they all are.”
JENNY GORE
Putting a number on how many children Jenny Gore has fostered over the past 25 years is impossible.
She doesn’t count them because she’s not interested in how many there have been.
“I don’t see it as a badge of honour so I don’t keep count,” Gore says. “I’m just there to nurture and protect these children and give them a safe environment.”
She can do a quick count and say she has four foster children presently living with her at her Moonee Ponds home.
They are aged between two and 22, but over the years, most of the many children who have been lucky enough to be in Gore’s care have been babies.
Some have stayed for a weekend, some have stayed for two years, but each one has been rewarding and Gore sees it as a privilege to have had the chance to care for many children who, for various reasons, can’t stay with their birth families. The youngest baby to have been in her care was three weeks old.
Gore, 66, takes pride in maintaining good relations with all the children’s birth families. Her heart broke many times when she worked as a mothercraft nurse and children were taken from their mothers soon after giving birth.
“I know what some women go through,” she says. “Many a time, I’ve stood at the foot of a bed with a bail justice after a woman has given birth and watched as the baby is taken away.
“I never judge a mother. Sometimes birth families are made out to be dangerous and the worst people in the world.
“That may be, but sometimes it’s because they are angry with the system, not with the people caring for their children.
“If you engage them on a level with the child and help them to see this is still their child, even though they’re not looking after that child, then it’s better. They see they are still the mother or father and no one can take that away from them.”
Gore became a foster mother accidentally in a way. She had always loved babies and enjoyed looking after children, which prompted her to become a nurse and midwife. She has only recently retired after 42 years.
“About 25 years ago, I was at a friend’s who was a foster parent and I told her I’d really like to do it but I was single,” she says. “She told me that people can be foster parents and single.
“Then she rang to tell me she was attending an information night and invited me, so I started doing regular respite and then I started to take kids full-time.
“I never set out to be a permanent carer, but I was able to provide so it just grew from there. I just see a troubled child and I know how to respond.
“Once I started fostering, relationships went out the window so I’m still single.”
But Gore has no regrets, receiving so much fulfilment from fostering.
“The greatest challenge for me is when people don’t understand the kids and their behaviours and the greatest reward is in seeing the kids flourish,” she says.
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