Corporate Merger: How your work spouse is making you happier and healthier
For better or worse, in sickness and in health, through conference calls and gossipy coffee breaks, friendships with co-workers can morph into some of the most significant in our lives.
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Given we spend roughly a third of our day at our chosen place of employment — often more time than we spend with our partners, family or friends — experts agree that while the relationships we share with our work wives or work husbands might not be romantic or sexual in nature, they are undeniably intimate.
Dr James Collett, associate lecturer in psychology at RMIT University, says the benefits of work spouse relationships include increased productivity and workplace happiness.
“It’s incontrovertible that humans are social animals, and those attachments with others can give us a sense of security and can bond us to have a secure emotional headquarters,” Collett says.
“Shared experiences and working alongside others can actually give us a psychological boost when it comes to our ability to complete a task.”
Collett says companies should encourage and nurture professional friendships in the workplace.
“We need professional friends who we can vent to, and share humour with, and have each other’s back, as much as we need romantic friendships,” he says.
“Professional relationships such as the ‘work spouse’ are not only a great stress intervention, but good work practice.
“Organisations should be fostering these friendships for not only the mental health of their employees, but for overall productivity.”
Global HR think tank Reventure released research earlier this month that revealed 40 per cent of Australian workers feel lonely at work, which is detrimental to productivity and wellbeing.
The data, obtained by surveying more than 1000 Aussie workers aged 18-65, shows that 38 per cent of lonely workers report making more mistakes and 40 per cent felt less productive.
Furthermore, 47 per cent of lonely workers are more likely to suffer poor wellbeing and 36 per cent report getting sick more often.
Reventure managing director Dr Lindsay McMillan says the first-of-its-kind report highlights the need for workplace change.
“Workplaces can and must take charge to design and implement support systems and structures to reduce — and end — workplace loneliness once and for all,” McMillan says.
AMIE KAUFMAN AND JAY KRISTOFF— AUTHORS
Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff might not be sharing an office cubicle or sitting side-by-side in daily meetings, but their bond rivals any traditional workplace relationship.
After being introduced through a mutual friend, the co-authors of the award-winning Illuminae book series and new science fiction epic Aurora Rising started collaborating in 2013.
“We both work from home,” Kaufman says.
“We get together when we need to brainstorm or plot out the next section of a novel, but otherwise most of our work is done remotely.”
Kristoff adds: “But we talk almost every day, either via phone, text or online chat.”
Tackling countless deadlines, four books and several gruelling US book tours quickly fused the friendship beyond the usual realms of working partnerships.
“I’ve seen Jay in his underwear,” Kaufman laughs.
“We were in New York, and Jay was so sick with the flu, he couldn’t get out of bed but we had an appearance that night.”
While they both live in Melbourne with their respective spouses, they often share special occasions such as Easter. Kaufman has already nicknamed her work spouse Uncle Jay since giving birth to her first child in May.
“Our friendship is incredibly important,” Kaufman says.
“We catch up for dinner along with our spouses, and sometimes we even manage to avoid talking shop.”
“The four of us are all close friends,” Kristoff says.
“Being an author is an unusual job, and being an author’s spouse can be just as strange, so our partners occasionally raise a glass to the weird twists our lives take. They’ve never had any concerns, though. We’re all grown-ups, and people of different genders can be colleagues without drama.”
They agree in the value of having a workplace companion you trust and respect.
“Being an author is a very solitary career, so having someone to talk to and bounce ideas off is wonderful,” Kristoff says.
“Creativity feeds on creativity, and the best way to get something brilliant is surround yourself with brilliant people.”
“Our job is a direct partnership,” Kauffman says.
“While we each have our own solo books, the books we write together are ones we couldn’t write without each other. And the skills we’ve learned off each other help us be better solo authors, too.”
While there’s no romance between them, there’s no doubt it takes chemistry and mutual respect to create a bestseller.
“It’s an ability to leave ego at the door,” Kristoff says. “Amie has experience in mediation, which makes her an excellent negotiator.”
Kaufman adds: “Jay’s previous job (in advertising) means he has lots of experience in creative teams. Most importantly, we both have the same goal — making the best book we can.”
As well as making each other work better, they also value the other’s ability to make them laugh.
“Making each other laugh is one of the most important parts of the job,” Kaufman says.
CELESTE ROBERTSON AND SARAH SCOTT — BUSINESS OWNERS
Celeste Robertson and Sarah Scott are so in synch, they often show up to work dressed the same.
“We borrow each other’s clothes and accessories, but yes we also own a lot of the same pieces too,” Robertson says.
“We also enable each other,” Scott adds. “We know each other so well if we see something online the other will like we will send it to them.”
They know it sounds cliche, but the Geelong-based business partners agree it was “love” at first sight.
“We met in a cafe after being introduced by a mutual friend, and it sounds so cheesy, but we just knew,” Scott, who is married to Geelong coach Chris Scott, says.
“The conversation just flowed and we quickly bonded over our mutual love of fashion and stationery.”
“Now we see each other every day and our love has only grown,” jokes Robertson, who founded eco-friendly beauty company Natural Supply Co before Scott joined as a joint director.
Both working mothers say having a friend and ally in the workplace not only takes the sting out of having to be away from their children, but offers a greater work-life balance.
“Even the mundane stuff is still somehow fun,” Robertson says.
“You’re ticking the work and social boxes at the same time and it’s no longer a heavy burden to have to be away from your family to be at work because it brings you joy.”
Scott agrees that having a strong work-wife relationship is beneficial to her own marriage and family.
“They say that the secret to a good marriage is to not look to your romantic partner to fulfil everything,” she says. “I get so much emotional support from Celeste and I’m able to speak to her about things that I would never talk to Chris about.”
Both women say their friendship also brings out the best in each other professionally, spending day trips to Melbourne visiting galleries and doing high tea on the “premise of business”.
“We say it’s work but our flexibility allows us to combine it with fun things, and that is honestly when we are at our most creative and get so many ideas,” Scott says.
Robertson says their friendship has spilt over from professional to personal with family catch-ups and dinners, while Scott credits Robertson with helping smooth her transition to Geelong
“Celeste has been a key person in making Geelong feel like home since moving here,” she says. “My daughter, Layla, just adores her and I think she picks up on how special she is to me.”
Robertson says their life friendship was cemented the day she went into labour with her son, Charlie, now 3.
“I’d purchased these cards to write the baby’s name on to announce the birth and as I was in labour, I announced to my husband Cam that I’d forgotten the metallic pens to write with,” she laughs.
“So I text Sarah and within 15 minutes she’d gone to Officeworks, bought me a bronze pen and delivered it to the birthing suite.
“When you work with someone so closely you get to know all their little quirks, but rather than annoying you, it’s what you love about the person.”
SAMI SHAH AND JACINTA PARSONS - RADIO HOSTS
ABC Radio breakfast co-hosts Sami Shah and Jacinta Parsons describe their work partnership as “an arranged marriage”.
“One day we were told we were going to be working together,” Shah says.
“So it’s like a Pakistani-style arranged marriage — and they are highly successful. My parents are testament to that.”
With “reliably differing perspectives on everything,” according to Parsons, who thinks homework is an imposition on kids and doesn’t own an iron, the more socially prudish Shah thinks his co-host is a hippie and everything should be ironed.
“Despite disagreeing on everything, we have never had a terse word,” Parsons says.
“I think because the really fundamental stuff — our values and how we care about the world around us — does align.
“Plus Sami has such a lovely temperament. And like any good arranged marriage, when you’re set up before knowing each other, there are boundaries on how to treat one another and a respect for each other.”
Shah agrees: “I think we have a really great time in that intellectual space, and with such diversity in our audience, it’s important that we reflect that.”
A workplace case of opposites attract, the pair — who replaced Red Symons in the breakfast slot early last year — agree their first 12 months on air worked as a strong bonding agent to cement their relationship.
“The first year was tough,” Shah says. “But whatever emotional spectrum Jacinta is on, I’m aware of it, because literally two hours, five mornings a week, are spent sitting opposite her, keeping eye contact with her, with no one else in the room.”
“It’s not like other friendships or relationships,” Parsons says. “We share something that gives each of us a true understanding of that other person. But also, we don’t ask the same things of each other that we might our partners or friends outside of work. There are very clear boundaries.”
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While the duo has met each other’s families, they try not to socialise outside of the studio.
On top of the daily grind and early starts, they also share something they’d never do with their respective partners.
“Basically, at 7.30 in the morning, we share a meat pie,” Shah says. “We have our own plates,” Parsons adds. “Everyone gives us a weird look, but we feel OK about it if we do it together.”
anna.byrne@news
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