How to start a conversation around problem drinking this Dry July

It’s a step worth taking 

• In this article:

• Signs a loved one may be struggling with alcohol abuse

• How to talk about your concerns without appearing judgemental

• The best ways you can support someone through sobriety

Here’s how to approach the topic of someone’s concerning drinking behaviour in a delicate and supportive way, according to an expert. 

As we tip over the halfway point of Dry July – the month annually dedicated to raising awareness and funds for cancer by challenging people to sobriety – the topic of how and why we consume alcohol is likely at the top of many people’s minds. 

For many, opting to forego a month’s worth of cocktails and pints feels like nothing more than a trendy challenge. For others, however, the sudden spotlight on their usual drinking habits may in turn highlight a level of alcohol dependency they were previously unaware of. 

Because sometimes overnight, an intermittent, ‘only on weekends’ drinking problem can turn into a debilitating substance abuse issue, taking over the trajectory of someone’s life. Luckily, there’s no better time to address concerns for your own – or others’ – drinking habits than right now. 

Like any problem, however, calling out and resolving a loved one’s worrying alcohol consumption is easier said than done.

What does a problem drinking actually look like?

According to Lee Hawker, MBPsS and clinical director of The Cabin –  a Thailand-based drug and alcohol treatment centre –  the signs someone may be struggling with a drinking problem can sometimes be tricky to spot. Because problem drinking manifests differently in every individual it affects, knowing when to express concern for an individual's health, relationships, and daily functioning isn't always obvious. 

“One common sign is increased tolerance, where the individual needs to drink more to achieve the same effects,” explains Hawker, adding that a clear loss of control over limiting alcohol consumption is another big warning sign – as well as a strong desire or compulsion to drink. 

Despite our deeply-rooted drinking culture, attitudes toward sobriety are changing in Australia. Image: Pexels

“Neglecting responsibilities, such as failing to fulfil major obligations at work, school, or home due to drinking, is a significant red flag. Engaging in risky behaviour, like drinking and driving, is another serious symptom,” adds the specialist. “Withdrawal symptoms, such as shaking, sweating, or nausea when not drinking, further highlight the presence of a problem.”

However, not every instance of alcohol abuse is identifiable,  “Functional alcoholics, for instance, manage to maintain their daily responsibilities and social roles despite their problematic drinking, making it less apparent to others,” Hawker says. “Additionally, many individuals hide their drinking habits or deny the severity of their problem, making it harder for others to recognise the issue.”

The social acceptance of alcohol consumption – something Australian culture very much endorses – further complicates matters, “It can blur the lines between social drinking and problem drinking.”

Because of the complex way alcohol addiction or abuse manifests in different people, understanding and identifying problem drinking requires a nuanced approach. Image: Pexels

Because of the complex way alcohol addiction or abuse manifests in different people, understanding and identifying problem drinking requires a nuanced approach, explains Hawker, who in his own line of work emphasises comprehensive assessments and personalised care plans to effectively address and treat alcohol use disorder. 

How to broach the subject with a loved one without making them feel threatened or judged

As Hollywood has done a pretty good job portraying, staging an intervention for a loved one – whether in a group setting or one on one – can be an awkward and confronting experience (for everyone involved). 

While the intention is never to come off as judgemental or abrasive, expressing concern for someone’s drinking habits, more often than not, can easily be interpreted that way by your loved one in question.  So how do you bring up the subject without making too many waves?

Timing is everything. Make sure to select a time when both you and your loved one are calm and free from distractions

“First and foremost, it's crucial to choose the right moment for this conversation. Timing is everything. Make sure to select a time when both you and your loved one are calm and free from distractions,” suggests Hawker. “Avoid bringing up the topic during or immediately after an episode of drinking, as emotions can run high and rational conversation may be difficult.”

Hawkers recommends starting the conversation by expressing your concern from a place of love and support, “Use "I" statements to frame your feelings and observations. For instance, say, ‘I’ve noticed you seem more stressed lately, and I’m worried about how much you’re drinking,’ rather than ‘You’re drinking too much.’ This approach is less accusatory and helps to prevent the person from becoming defensive,” the expert explains. 

Throughout the conversation, ensure you’re practising active listening, allowing the person to share their perspective and speak openly, and always aim to primarily offer support over solutions, “Instead of immediately suggesting treatment options or imposing ultimatums, ask how you can help. Questions like, ‘What can I do to support you?’ or ‘How can we work through this together?’ demonstrate your willingness to be part of their journey toward better health without dictating the terms.”

Patience is key when it comes to supporting someone’s recovery journey. Image: iStock

How to support someone trying out sobriety

Regardless of how your loved one responds to your initial conversation, it’s important to remember patience is key when it comes to supporting someone’s recovery journey, “Continue to offer your support and express your concerns with compassion and consistency, reinforcing that you are there for them no matter what,” Hawker says. 

While sometimes it can feel necessary to broach the subject of professional intervention, it must be done delicately, “Rather than insisting they see a therapist or join a support group, suggest it as one of many options available. For example, ‘I’ve heard that talking to a counsellor can be really helpful for some people. What do you think about that?’ This phrasing respects their autonomy and invites them to consider seeking help without feeling forced,” suggests Hawker. 

As for how you can support a loved one’s journey to recovery and their exploration of sobriety, it’s paramount you work on creating a supportive environment, removing any temptations or triggers from your loved one’s living space, such as alcohol or items associated with drinking. 

Encourage sober activities and hobbies that can help divert their attention from cravings.

“Encourage sober activities and hobbies that can help divert their attention from cravings. Engaging in new, healthy activities together can also strengthen your bond and provide positive reinforcement,” adds Hawker. 

“Being patient and realistic about the recovery process is crucial. Sobriety is often a long and non-linear journey with potential setbacks. Understand that relapses can happen and are part of the recovery process for many. Instead of expressing disappointment, offer encouragement and remind them of their progress and strengths. Celebrate small victories and milestones to keep their motivation high,” says the specialist. 

Most of all, Hawker says you must strive to show unwavering belief in your loved one’s ability to succeed, “Recovery is a challenging process, and your faith in their strength and resilience can be a powerful motivator,” he says. “Remind them of their progress and the positive changes they are making, and reassure them that setbacks do not define their journey.”

If you suspect someone may be struggling with problem drinking, it is important to approach the situation with empathy and encourage professional evaluation and support.

Originally published as How to start a conversation around problem drinking this Dry July