Turns out the secret to longevity and happiness could be simpler than you think. Here, psychologists explain how building meaningful, long-lasting connections could supercharge your health and wellness.

Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda. Harry, Ron and Hermione. Monica, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, Ross and Rachel.
Aside from enviable wardrobes, magical abilities and abnormally large apartments for Greenwich Village, one of the things that most stands out about these iconic characters is their deep friendships.

Whether you’re healing from heartbreak, navigating life’s ups and downs or fighting dark forces, having good friends to lean on and support you no matter what the world throws your way is essential – and it’s also part of our DNA.“Humans are built to exist in groups,” explains registered psychologist and owner of Toward Wellbeing, Rachel Tomlinson. “Social connection provides us with emotional support and allows us to have a sense of belonging. These social ties can contribute to higher self-esteem and resilience.”

Tight friendships could also be a key to longevity, with the people of Okinawa, Japan – one of the world’s most famous ‘longevity hotspots’ where residents live longer and better than anywhere else in the world – prioritising friendship throughout their lives. In this particular area, everyone belongs to a ‘moai’ – a small, lifelong social group that provides emotional support, meeting a few times a week to chat, share advice and even offer up financial assistance when needed. They become like a second family (sounds like the crew from Central Perk if you ask us).

“Moai purposely creates a structured environment for emotional support and connection,” explains clinical psychologist, Dr Maria-Elena Lukeides. “These small groups act as a safety net, allowing people to express vulnerabilities without fear of judgment, which can foster trust and deepen relationships. The consistent emotional engagement can significantly reduce feelings of loneliness and anxiety, enhancing overall mental health.”

So just like Carrie needs her gal pals to help pick up the pieces when things fall apart, or how Harry would be nothing without Ron and Hermione by his side, it’s clear we all need good friends in our orbit for a multitude of health benefits. But making – and keeping – mates is easier said than done.

In fact, Body+Soul’s 2025 Health of the Nation report found that one in four Aussies feel lonely on a weekly basis – and it’s hitting the youngest generations hardest, with 36 per cent of 13 to 28 year olds (Gen Z) saying they feel lonely at least once a week; a figure that’s risen from 24 per cent last year.

A reluctance to socialise away from our homes (and phones) is a likely contributor. After all, it’s easy to justify not seeing friends IRL when their Insta stories mean you know exactly what they ate for lunch. “The reliance on digital communication over face-to-face interactions diminishes the depth of relationships, making it harder for young people to form meaningful connections,” says Dr Lukeides. “They’re missing out on hugs, eye contact and the full human experience.”

So, apart from putting down our phones and getting in more facetime IRL, what can we do to ensure we’re still sipping cosmos with our nearest and dearest in three decades? Here, experts break down some simple tips for building and maintaining strong bonds and unlocking the benefits of friendship, from happiness and self-esteem to longevity.

Focus on quality over quantity

How many friends do you have? Not followers or likes, but actual friends. If you’ve got more than a handful, you’re one of the lucky ones. And actually, the trick isn’t to focus on how many friends you have at all – but how strong your bonds are with the people around you.

“Maintaining long-lasting friendships, especially as life circumstances evolve, requires intentional effort,” says Dr Lukeides. “Life transitions, such as starting a family, changing jobs or relocation, can have a profound impact on how often friends see each other. Embracing the idea of quality over quantity, and being flexible, is important.”

Stay in touch, and be proactive

Being on the front foot is also essential when it comes to keeping in touch with old friends. “Regularly check in with your friends through texts or calls,” advises Dr Lukeides. One message every Christmas does not a strong friendship make.

“Consistency is key,” says Dr Lukeides. If you can make time to check in with your nearest and dearest in person, even better. But if you make plans, try and stick to them. “Don’t be flaky and pull out of pre-existing plans,” she adds. “Showing you’re making the effort goes a long way.”

Pay attention when you’re together

When you do get together with mates, the way you act has a big impact. “Prioritise active listening over simply sharing your own experiences; this shows that you value thoughts and feelings, which can really deepen the bond in friendships,” says Dr Lukeides. “By being adaptable, proactive and genuinely engaged in each other’s lives, you can nurture lasting friendships that endure despite life’s inevitable changes.”

When you’re next at an event or group activity, be aware of ‘covert avoidance’, too; this is when you’re physically present but aren’t fully engaging in the situation. This goes for meet-ups with old mates or scenarios where you might meet new people.

“Put your phone down and engage with those around you,” advises Dr Lukeides. “Introduce yourself; prioritise taking the initiative. Remember, others might be having the same feelings as you and feel nervous about talking to someone new.”

Realise slow and steady wins the race

Unlike the doom-scrolling, swipe-right, dopamine-hit culture we’ve become accustomed to, strong connections can’t be built in an instant. Developing friendships gradually and with purpose is the way to establish deep bonds, and is something the internet has coined ‘Snail Theory’.

“Building relationships slowly can allow friends to accumulate shared experiences, which serve as the foundation for having things in common and creating memories,” says Tomlinson. “This slow approach [to friendship] encourages vulnerability, as people feel safer revealing their true selves in a context where they have established a solid emotional bond.”

Prioritise proximity to find your tribe

When it comes to making new connections, the concept of ‘proximity, similarity and repetition’ is a great framework.

Proximity is about being geographically close to someone. While not all mates need to be close by, it’s definitely easier to establish a friendship when you don’t have to travel far to catch up.

Similarity is about finding people like you. Of course you don’t have to like all the same things, but having things in common can make it easier to strike up a rapport. “Going to events or groups that align with your interests and values means you have a better chance of meeting someone like-minded,” says Tomlinson.

And finally, be kind to yourself while you’re out there looking for kindred spirits. Negative self-talk can prevent us from making new connections, so don’t be the one to hold yourself back. “The ‘liking gap’ refers to the common misconception others won’t like you as much as you like them,” adds Tomlinson. “Most people are open to friendship – you just have to make the effort.” Sage mate-making advice if ever we heard it.